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exploring self-realization, sacred personhood, and full humanity

Soulmate, Myself:
Omega Point

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Elenchus. Twins as personification of Love and Wisdom is something I’ve wanted to discuss for a long time.

Kairissi. It’s mentioned by many of the afterlife reporters, and they all say it’s extremely important to understand.

E. But it’s also very hard to make clear, easily misunderstood; but I’m looking forward to exploring this topic with you.

K. It’s another one of those massive subjects. How do we begin?

E. We could start by saying, according to the Spirit Guides, the female represents Love with the male symbolizing Wisdom.

K. And with this, immediately we’re plunged into potential misunderstanding – for, just because she serves as icon of love doesn’t mean that she doesn’t have wisdom.

E. And, of course, this opposite-sameness is true for him – he’s not a stranger to love. So, tell us, Kriss, how shall we characterize this?

K. We need to think in terms of default setting or primary proclivity. Both female and male need love and wisdom, but each seems to be hard-wired to somewhat prefer one or the other.

E. Before we go any further, we need to define our terms. What is meant by Love and Wisdom?

K. And this is not so easy to make clear. What do the Guides really mean when they say that the eternal marriage is a union of Love and Wisdom?

E. An attempt to define these terms will be unsuccessful, I think, with narrow one-dimensional meanings. What I’m getting at is, I believe Love and Wisdom represent an array and cluster of virtues, proclivities, and predispositions.

K. We should make a list:

LOVE vs WISDOM

heart vs head

venus vs mars

aesthetic charm vs noble air

serendipity vs schedule

creativity vs algorithm

qualia vs classical

becoming the artwork and canvas vs life as connecting the dots

'follow your bliss' vs 'what if everyone did that'

picturesque, colorful vs matter-of-fact, informational

melodious voice vs stalwart demeanor

magnetic attraction vs imposing force

right brain vs left brain

taoism vs doctrinarism

'you are my agenda' vs 'my work is out there'

white picket-fence vs "I need to plow that field today"

angelic intervention vs "the trains must run on time"

quantum fields vs particles

fashion vs functional

artistry vs invention

gracious, high social IQ vs "for God and country"

emotion vs logic

playfully teasing vs incisive witticism

deduction vs induction

art vs science

giving-receiving vs receiving-giving

coordinated outfit vs "suits are for funerals"

intuition vs analysis

quantum mechanics vs newtonianism

search for beauty vs search for truth

nurturing vs conquering

interior vs exterior

immanence vs transcendence

home and hearth vs farm and field

dazzling vs distinguished

'hope is a thing with feathers' vs 'I felt a funeral in my brain'

perky, playful vs "we have a business to run here"

solicitous inflexion vs commanding tone

poetry vs prose

impromptu and spontaneous vs planning and strategy

mother vs father

effervescent extreme delight vs overwhelmed silent rapture

imagination vs research

prosody, semantics vs syntax, literalism

saving vs investing

'the nameless is eternally real' vs 'the tao that can be spoken'

teacher-healer vs soldier-magistrate

virtue and beneficence vs strength and honor

kindliness vs boldness

K. (softly laughing) "we have a business to run here."

E. (smiling) Many of these are caricatures. It's not really this cut and dried.

K. (smiling) Women also run businesses and must meet payroll on time. But, we also know, there's a lot of truth in all this.

E. (smiling) As you once said, I could get away with outfitting myself as a "1950s farmer" but that wouldn't work so much for you.

K. (softly laughing) I could do the noontime radio ag-report though.

E. The ratings soared when they heard your musical voice.

K. (laughing) But I’ll tell you what this reminds me of. Many years ago a short piece was added to the WG site, writings by Robert Joyce and William May. Their prose, the ideas expressed, are so beautiful that it issues seemingly as poetry. Let’s reproduce it here as there’s much to discuss:

giving in a receiving way, receiving in a giving way

K. (sighing) Elenchus – I feel breathless! These thoughts and insights are so beautiful I hardly know what to say. There is so much here! – I feel that we’ll be exploring these truths for countless years to come.

E. It is incredible. What I’m left with as immediate impression is that both female and male offer an image of God, but in different ways.

K. I had never thought of the two great contrasts of being: the female’s “immanence, a quality of withinness,” the “Ocean depth of happy rest,” as opposed to the male’s more externally directed “transcendent, superabundant goodness,” the “Wellspring of the joy of living.” I must confess, I am overwhelmed at the glories of this perception of woman and man imaging God!

E. If we closed our discussion here, we would be well satisfied. And yet, I know there's so much more to learn and appreciate concerning Love and Wisdom.

K. Consider this, too. Spirit Guides have encouraged us to look at Nature as means to understanding God’s mind. We discussed this in the “Inferential Life” writings and also our comments about the Native Americans with their “natural religion” as they learn from creation. But this principle is very close to home now concerning Twins.

biological anatomy foreshadows cosmic destiny

K. What I mean is, our very biology, the way male and female are constructed anatomically, offers gigantic clues concerning an underlying psychology. Everybody knows that the female’s body is designed to receive the male, but what hasn’t been understood is that, in a much larger existential sense, she’s put together by Nature to “receive in a giving way” - and, of course, the opposite is true for him. But the main point to be underscored here is that anatomy reflects a higher order, that is, an unveiling of God’s mind concerning a balancing of “giving and receiving,” of Love and Wisdom. The biology didn’t come first but was made to conform to the hidden blue-print which is God’s mind.

Emanuel Swedenborg

K. Swedenborg is one of the famous mystics and had a lot to say about Love and Wisdom.

E. He's difficult - one of those “where he’s good, he’s very good, but where he’s not, he’s not.”

K. He offered a great many valuable psychic visions of Summerland, understood Twin Soul eternal marriage, and perceived the error of reincarnation.

E. But he had trouble letting go of his belief in an “infallible” Bible, along with the doctrines of his local church. This errant metaparadigm, at times, adversely colored his perceptions, produced false readings, as he “saw what he wanted to see.” We talked about this error of vision in the “500 tape-recorded messages from the other side.”

K. Another problem for the Swedenborg researcher is that his 30 books were written in Latin; not all of them have been translated. However, even with all these stumbling-stones, we want to talk about Swedenborg because he had some knock-out insights into how life works.

E. Let us inform our readers that the following excerpts concerning the sage’s writings derive from Swedenborg scholar Robert H. Kirven and his book "A Concise Overview of  Swedenborg's Theology.”

K. Did you like Kirven’s work?

E. I did, actually. It made me feel like the old days when I believed that truth could be found in the Bible, in mere words. It’s very disarming, you know. A scholar shares his thoughts, and some of it can bristle with insight; however, later in life I would learn that instruction about the truth is not the same as actually apprehending the truth.

K. The word is not the thing, only a signpost to the truth.

E. It’s seems simple to say it now, but this tripped me up for most of my life.

K. It trips up the billions of religious in our world, as well.

E. But let’s begin.

the feminine and masculine essences are a kind of covering of something even more fundamental on the deepest inside

Kirven: "It should be noted especially that [Swedenborg’s book] Marriage Love … defines what is inmost … and what clothes what is inmost, in the male and in the female… In broad generalities, and especially when speaking symbolically, it can be said that "man" is the same as what is masculine, and "woman" is what is feminine. But both exist within each man and each woman... The full implications of this interaction of imagery is … much beyond the scope of this summary … But this much discussion should help to warn against easy oversimplifications of a beautiful but complex treatment."

K. Ok, I think we’re getting our money’s worth now.

E. Things have suddenly gotten very intense.

K. What we call woman and man, the feminine and masculine genders or essences, Swedenborg says, are just the outer shells or coverings of a much deeper and grander truth. I’m afraid to ask what this means.

the familiar word 'person', in similar vein, also denotes mask or covering

E. Krissi, it occurs to me just now that not only is “man” or “woman” a covering of some deeper reality, but the very word “person” suggests the same – it’s a Latin word meaning “mask.”

Editor’s note: The item “person” as “mask” came to me in a dream-like state, just as I was awakening from sleep.

K. Yes, of course! What we see as a “person” at the surface of life is not a stand-alone entity but, in reality, merges with Universal Consciousness at a deeper level.

E. So, too, our terms “man” or “woman” represent characteristics which, at core being, are but reflections of the Divine essence.

Love and Wisdom: Goodness and Truth

K. Swedenborg offered synonyms of Love and Wisdom, recasting them as Goodness and Truth. These are ancient concepts as they're also spoken of the biblical book of Psalms. However, with this, we open a major field of discussion of his theology:

“Real marriage love originates in marriage between what is good and what is true… everything in the universe has some relation to what is good and what is true… All things relating to love are called good, and all things relating to wisdom are called true.”

Do they need each other?

E. He called it a "marriage" between goodness and truth. This suggests that love-goodness is seeking for wisdom-truth. Do they need each other?

K. We'll need to make this clear. But, right off, we notice that the "real marriage" is founded upon this union of what's good and what's true. That's quite a statement.

E. And here I thought I wanted just you.

K. (small smile) Well, maybe I represent some things you didn't know about.

E. I'll tell you what this reminds me of. Dr. Adler had a lot to say about goodness and truth in his "great ideas" essays.

K. We should bring that into our discussion.

E. A question that will be asked is, how do we know what's good and what's true? If she represents love-goodness, and he wisdom-truth, how are they to be successful in this? - as most people are wrong about pretty much everything.

K. We now have several loose ends to talk about. Where do we begin?

E. Swedenborg said that woman will represent love-goodness and man, wisdom-truth. These are two separate fields of knowledge.

interior vs exterior

K. Her field of knowledge tends to be inner knowledge, that of one's interior life, of the heart; and, generally speaking, he will pursue knowledge of the exterior world, an intellectual focus, external to himself.

E. As these are two fields of knowledge, Swedenborg offers insight into how people delude themselves when acquiring knowledge. He would say something like this: Every day of their lives, people constantly define what’s good and what’s true. In order to do this, Swedenborg reminds us, people have to be free.

K. They have to be free to choose this as opposed to that.

E. It’s a big part of what makes us human.

K. Animals are largely driven by basic survival needs; people, too, but they don’t have to be, they can rise above and choose a higher mindset.

E. However, even though freedom is vital to the process, Swedenborg wants us to know that the freedom humans enjoy is a limited freedom.

K. We talked about this in “Prometheus.” We said that we do not have the freedom to become an eagle or a rosebush, or to reincarnate, to become Peter Pan or the man-in-the-moon, but only to choose a spirit which will lead us toward becoming more like Mother-Father God.

freedom to choose

Kirven: “Swedenborg's teaching on freedom of choice does not deny or question any of these obvious limitations on freedom. In fact ... in any particular situation there is only one choice that we are free to make for ourselves. That choice is between what is true or false, good or evil—that is, a choice toward or away from God.

“But, after all these limitations on human freedom are recognized, Swedenborg sees that basic, minimal freedom of choice as absolute, irreducible, and unabridgeable. It is an essential quality of human nature. No one who is fully human (an insane person, for instance, might be less than fully human in this sense) is ever denied that freedom. No one who is fully human can ever escape the responsibility that freedom of choice implies.”

E. Having established the foundational primacy of freedom, he tempers it with rationality.

Kirven: "Freedom and rationality are a matched pair. Neither can exist without the other. Insanity, infancy, ignorance (in some limited cases), or anything that abridges rationality, does abridge freedom of choice at the same time and to the same extent—but that is also an abridgement of full human capacities.

K. Elenchus, let’s take a quick break to remind everyone what we’re doing with this discussion of freedom and rationality.

E. Please continue, Kriss.

goodness and truth

K. We were talking about two fields of knowledge: her inner, intuitive knowledge of love and goodness, and his more externally directed knowledge of the world, of wisdom and truth. Both of these enquiries can be derailed if a moral freedom is not valued and if rationality is not honored.

E. Can you give us an example?

K. She might know what’s best, her feminine radar directing her, but if she gives in to anger, to fears of “I’ll never be happy,” and the like, she might easily set herself back by allowing herself to be with the wrong person or to continue in a cultish organization.

E. And, for him, well, there are too many things that might go wrong, and we all know about them: He’s afraid of not “being somebody,” not “making his mark in the world,” not having enough wealth or power.

K. In these sordid cases, rationality was stifled, intention and discernment were shut down, and then we know how the story ends. But let's talk about how the process is supposed to work.

E. We're talking about a marriage of Love and Wisdom, of Goodness and Truth.

K. And what does this mean?

E. When Man and Woman live in their natural potentialities, she will offer him a knowledge of love rooted in the mystical-magical world of the deep riches of the soul, the "inner cosmos". Yes, he can get some of this on his own, but not the way she knows it, no, not to that extent. That's her turf, and she's ever the queen of that domain.

K. And, on his side of the ledger, if he develops as God meant for him to blossom, he will offer her a profound and breath-taking knowledge of God's external creation. She is no intellectual laggard, but she also knows a winning hand when she sees one.

John and Mary do not represent Love and Wisdom

E. When “John and Mary” come together, are they attracted by this complementarity of Love and Wisdom?

K. I don’t think so; not really; maybe a glimpse at times, but there’s something else inciting them to riot. And it’s nothing more than Mother Nature’s hormone-cocktail designed to perpetuate the species. That’s why they get over it so fast. But when Love and Wisdom are introduced, they never get over it.

E. How would you describe the interaction of Love and Wisdom?

K. I think the ancient yin-yang symbol helps us here:

K. Notice the small circles in each half.

E. He has something of her intuition, and she has a portion of his digital left-brain orientation.

K. But each has a dominant home-turf. Stated differently, each has what the other wants and craves. It's an existential attraction that never fades.

E. It's the hidden energy of the eternal marriage of Twin Souls.

K. Elenchus, before we leave this discussion on Swedenborg, I’d like your thoughts: Why is Love equated with Goodness? Surely the fruits of the intellect are also “goods”.

E. Yes, they are goods. But, it’s the small circle in the yin-yang symbol. We’re talking about a matter of proportion.

K. Say more on this.

love seeking for wisdom, and wisdom seeking for love, is the highest expression of the universal quest for the greatest good or ultimate 'happiness'

E. Dr. Adler helped us to understand that what we call “good” is merely an “object of desire.” In other words, we want something, we desire it, so we call it “good.” Adler said that, according to an ancient debate concerning “What is happiness?”, it’s a quest for the highest good.

K. The summum bonum.

E. It’s what everyone wants. Everyone just wants to be happy. They might say they want money, power, and all sorts of things, but, what they really want is to be happy. And if they can free themselves from the rule of the ego, then they’ll want the “real goods” not the “apparent goods.”

K. All the things they thought would make them happy but never do.

E. And so, at the end of that journey, what the enlightened mind discovers is, “What is really wanted is to have love and to give love.” Love is the highest good, and nothing else really matters if you don’t have that.

K. (silence)

E. But let me put it in a clearer way. During those years when I’d lost you… you know, those late-night years of “hard-bargaining with God”… I never once asked for a university course in math and physics... but only that I could be with you.

Andrew Jackson Davis

E. Davis might be my very favorite teacher for the eternal marriage.

K. He’s the one with the great insight that Twins are “born married,” that is, they were made for each other, right from the “soul nursery.”

E. It’s a beautiful concept. Below, we’d like to offer the reader excerpts from Davis’ writings, but with the encouragement that his works be read in a more expansive setting. See more on the “Andrew Jackson Davis” page.

the immortal youthfulness of every human soul

It is my happiness to believe in the immortal youthfulness of every human soul; yea, in the immortal pleasures and elevated uses of Conjugal Love, as a Principle. Principles are eternal. The human soul will be true to the laws of its being. But I find the world opposed to, or, rather, that it is not acquainted with, the grand uses of marriage. Hence, as the world thinketh so it is; and scarcely any two get truly joined.

We hear every day of tempestuous troubles between the married; not less do we behold the physiological vices of the unmarried. Do you not see and know that something is needed? Parents, absorbing and fostering the prevailing valuations of love and marriage, cannot bequeath to their sons and daughters more exalted convictions. The latter, as a sequence, in opinion and action, follow the multitude. The common idea of "Virtue," throned in physical conditions, is too unchaste to admit of analysis. It is worthy only of some semi-civilized and voluptuous race, morally disqualified to appreciate the virginity of the soul: and still less to rely upon that divine, recuperative, indestructible virtue within it, which hath its kingdom in self-integrity and practical worship of Truth.

• Editor’s note: Davis’ “virginity of the soul” is a powerful concept. What if a true lover’s vested right to “the virginity of the soul,” relative to his/her eternal romantic mate, can never be lost? - enjoyed only by the true mate.

there can be no true, holy, conjugal Love between the merely legally married

Yes, these effects of unnatural matrimonial relations look us in the face in every community. No true, holy, conjugal Love between the legally married! …

attractions proportional to destiny

[The author speaks of] that law of Charles Fourier, "Attractions proportional to destiny;" or, that the existence of intense spiritual desires is a foreshadowing of ultimate satisfaction to come...

principles of the true marriage: the soul emancipated from all conventions

In the [True] Marriage … I find much that elevates the soul … Souls are to be freed from merely legal ties; emancipated from all conventionalisms; and the divine Law of Attraction is henceforth to rule the human soul. Here the true woman can meet the true man; and the marriage of the twain is sanctioned, or not, by the law of spiritual affinity. The leading, positive positions assumed are:

That all marriage, not based upon an inherent … spiritual attraction, is null and void. God joins by Love, not by Law. Legal unions, without Love, are immoral.

That the Love-Marriage is eternal; nothing can separate the truly married; they are one throughout eternal spheres.

That the two, thus associated, cannot experience separate conjugal attraction; that no other Love can be admitted between them.

That should a man or a woman, after entering into the relation of husband and wife, become convinced by various means that each does not embody the other's Ideal, then they are not truly married; they are divorced; and both have a natural right to seek further for the embodiment of the heart's ideal associate.

That human legislation may not forbid them to marry again; that, in truth, men have no right to control arbitrarily the soul's deepest, purest wants: the rights and elevations of true marriage.

How shall humankind find eternal mates?

[True] Marriage is the actual blending of two distinct souls, attracted to each other by a power over which neither has control, so long as they remain within the sphere of each other's attractive force. . . As they did not will themselves into this relation, they cannot will themselves out of it.

Therefore, the relative conditions of the two souls, under which the union was formed, (remaining the same) the union itself must remain.

But may not these conditions [of love] be changed? … It follows, then, [if two fall out of love] that these parties were not truly married … the two [must] separate, in order to find their ideal companions … If either wishes separation, there is no [true marriage]. Where there is true marriage, universal experience testifies that it longs for an endless perpetuity; and the very existence of this desire demonstrates to me the fact, that nature designed the union to be perpetual. The want is natural, and Nature creates no want for which she does not create a supply…

Legalized marriages may seem perfectly right to undeveloped minds. Or, the supposed truly united may discover something repugnant in each other, after living together thirty or forty years. If this repugnance amounts to repulsion, then they are no longer truly married…

We agree that the true marriage is the union of mutual love, which no human law has the right to regulate or control. We assert the supreme right of woman over her own person, and especially over the function of maternity … we do not find in our observation or experience, that every … love is eternal, or exclusive of other loves. We do not believe in an indissoluble monogamy, as the invariable law of our race; nor that the production of offspring is the sole object of the ultimatum of love…

If a true love is, in its nature, eternal, then all the loves that end were false; if true love is exclusive, there can be but one true… If [a husband] feels any [substantial] attraction for any other woman, that proves, not only that he is no longer [her] husband, but that he never was… the very fact [of substantial attraction to another] proves that they do not belong to each other … a new love seems to set aside the old, but really proves that the old did not exist.

Such are the absurdities of people who adopt theories instead of observing facts…

The universality of the principle of Attraction demonstrates the universality of the principle of Marriage. You will recall foregone conclusions. Wherever Life is, there is Attraction; and wherever Attraction is, there is Marriage. Life and attraction are omnipresent; therefore marriage is omnipresent. Yet attraction and marriage, although inseparably, are not identical. Attraction is the cause; marriage is the effect. It was a favorite saying with Fourier, that "the attractions are proportioned to the destinies." It is with profound serenity that we look through the worlds of life, and behold the manifestations of this principle. The conjugal harmonies of Nature are perfect; beyond eulogy, as their sublimity is beyond delineation.

Among Christians the theory prevails that Marriage is an arbitrary institution...

The mission of marriage is more to the soul than to the body; even more to the development of the soul than to either. No woman is happy out of the marriage relation; the same is true of man. I speak now of true marriage…

The ... "harmonial marriage" is not only a harmony between outward attractions, and is not only a harmony between love and wisdom, but is a blending of the two souls so absolutely, that no extrinsic influence can dominate over, or in any manner vitiate, the internal attraction! …

No man can truly love, methinks, except through a true wife; and a woman cannot love, save through a true husband. Each is a messiah to the other. To love, is to work for the physical and spiritual development of the one we love; and so one may help the other forever… This pre-eminence, of the married to the unmarried, is natural as a flower is superior to its germ.

THE PHILOSOPHY OF TRUE MARRIAGE

The principles of matrimonial association are universal and eternal… As I have elsewhere said, Love is a female, and Wisdom is a male…

Every individual, abstractly considered, is an embodiment and representation of Love and Wisdom. The elements of the human soul are organized into an image of Love or Life, and the attributes of intelligence are unfolded into an image of Wisdom, or Guardian Power. Therefore every human soul is constructed upon male and female principles; the male is positive, and the female is negative.

But each and every individual, considered relatively, is not Love and Wisdom alone and complete within himself or herself, but is only one of these principles, and hence experiences an affinity for its apparently opposite or dissimilar self. It is when, and only when, an individual realizes its dependence upon another individual, that sensations of loneliness, dissatisfaction, discontent, and incompleteness unfold themselves in the spirit. Congenial association is now loudly and imperatively demanded by the isolated and seeking heart. Heart calls to heart. The female is alone without her true companion; and the male is alone without the female; the female is seeking for its Wisdom principle; and the male is seeking for its principle of Love... 

There is no happiness separate from true conjugal association. One spirit cannot resist the attraction to another spirit; it is simply Wisdom searching for Love, or Love for Wisdom. It is not strange that the heart seeks its true associate; because when we comprehend and realize the truth that the Deity, his universe, and the human soul, are constructed and subsisting upon the principle of male and female — positive and negative — or Love and Wisdom, it is easy and natural to understand the attraction which the dependent Soul feels toward its true companion. It is Soul seeking for Soul, Life for Life, Love for Wisdom, Spirit for Happiness. Yes, it is when the soul realizes its relation to, or dependence upon others, and especially its particular dependence on one, that it begins to seek for itself.

K. Elenchus, I guess this is stating the obvious, especially to those who accept the “made in the image, male and female” teaching, but Jackson is saying that the universe, along with the human soul, even “the Deity,” is constructed upon the basis of the male and female energies. And notice this, too, from the Emily French direct voices: "The scientists have not yet discovered that electricity and magnetism are the male and female elements in the universe." This would indicate that Universal Consciousness itself, in essence, is founded upon these differing and complementing energies. What does this mean?

E. Clearly, there is much here to ponder. We’ll know more later.

Conjugal-Love must be responded to by Conjugal-Love; else the Spirit will be unhappy. The properly unfolded female character is an embodiment of Love; and the male character, when properly unfolded, is an embodiment of Wisdom. The female, being Love, possesses within her soul the immortal springs of beauty and loveliness; but if she is, by means of uncontrollable circumstances and legal enactments, associated with a companion whose powers and attributes are not sufficiently great and noble, or kind and generous, to extract from her sentiments of continual respect and admiration, then will she most certainly manifest uneasiness and generate discord.

It is depressing to scan the multitude of marriages which have resulted from no higher causes than the infatuations of passion and evanescent personal charms, of popularity, of individual position, the superficial accomplishments of education, the advantages of wealth and convenience, or from the so frequent coercion or incitement of accidental outer circumstances.

In the world, everywhere are visible these superficial and ephemeral marriages ... worldly legalized attachments ... which not only distract and deform, but arrest the development of beauty and happiness in, the thus enslaved Soul.

True marriages are natural, inevitable, harmonious and eternal! By the assistance of interior perception and comprehension, I was enabled to ascertain the glorious and consoling truth that every spirit is born married! When I gaze upon an infant, a youth, a lonely individual, the voice of intuition and true philosophy say - "that infant, that youth, that lonely individual, has some where an eternal companion!" Therefore I perceive and understand that a meeting, and, in the present state of society, a legal recognition of such companions are an outward expression of true marriage.

And yet, no ceremony, no promise, no written or legalized agreement, can unite that which is internally and eternally joined; nor can these solemnities unite that which is internally and eternally separated. If two are legally married, and if this outer expression of unity has no other primary cause than the fascinations of feature, the advantages of position or wealth, or the accident of circumstances, then is the female unconsciously living with another Spirit's companion; and so also is the male living in perpetual violation of the law of Conjugal Association; and consequently both are rendered dissatisfied and unhappy...

The Love-principle, or the female, is the actuating, the prompting, the life-giving portion of the eternal Oneness; and the Wisdom-principle, or the male, is the governing, the guiding, and harmonizing portion; and thus the two are One in essence and organization.

unspeakably lonely vs mere iceberg

Love, or the female, with her immortal and impetuous springs of life, beauty, and animation, is, if unguided and unassociated with Wisdom, unspeakably lonely, and very liable to misdirection; on the other hand, Wisdom, or the male, with his immortal attribute of harmony and government, is, if unassociated with, and deprived of, the life-giving elements of Love, a mere iceberg, a mere isolated oak, cold and unbeautiful.

But these reflections are more properly connected with the consideration of the mission and influence of the male and female principle, or the sexes.

The reader should be impressed with the conviction that the Law of Association, which moves alike the universe and the human soul, will determine and proclaim who is his, or her, true companion.

No clergyman, no testimony, no legalized contract, or record in Church or State, can determine upon the proper conjugal associate, nor develop the everlasting affection which the spirit demands. The evidence is within. Search yourselves. If ye are truthfully married, then will ye have mutual or parallel attractions, corresponding desires, and similar constitutional tendencies; and where the one goes, the other will go; and on earth, as in the higher spheres of existence, ye will have one home, one purpose, one destiny, one God, and one religion.

Where a union is perfect, there is no conflict; when Wisdom decides, Love will respond. If a wife loves her companion, she will involuntarily keep his commandments, which to her are wisdom's ways; and if a husband loves his companion, he will treat her not as an inferior, not as a superior, not as one incapable of exercising reason; but he will honor and protect, and guide, and develop her indestructible sensibilities, and be to her a haven of rest.

praying for the holy and protecting love that will not change

Every heart prays and pines for that holy and protecting love which will not change, however varying may be the vicissitudes of human life, but which strengthens ever, in sickness and in health, in youth and in maturity, in prosperity and in adversity, and which, while it strengthens, fails not to represent those noble and beautiful qualities of the soul which distinguish the sexes and characterize the stronger Man, and gentler Woman; and this distinction must be marked and perpetual in order to experience the blessings contingent upon the existence of perpetual love and honor, one toward the other.

a continually unfolding love for one another

The true marriage is first Natural, then Spiritual, then Celestial, in its progressive growth. And the eternally conjoined have an unfailing evidence of their destiny by experiencing a continually unfolding love for one another, which grows stronger and stronger as they pursue life's path and near the Spirit-Home. But here let it be impressed, that with some on the earth, misunderstandings may occur, and, by their fearful and invidious influence, even the truly married may be moved to separate on the way, until they arrive where misunderstandings cannot exist.

The following K&E discussion is reprinted from "The Wedding Song," verse one:

The sacred beloved is one’s Twin Soul not a Twin Ego, and will not necessarily be the latter's "choice." Andrew Jackson Davis spoke of Twins sharing a hidden similarity, “an inwrought adaptation,” which serves as impetus to attraction:

“The human Soul is capable of inconceivable expansion; its
sensibilities are pure and almost immeasurable. The female
Spirit feels a boundless, undiminishable love; the male is
conscious of a high and insurmountable wisdom; and these
embodied principles irresistibly seek and implore the presence
of one another. To every individual, its counterpart - the
one most loved - is the purest, the greatest, and the most
beautiful, of all human beings; others may be beautiful and
attractive, and may possess in reality many more accomplishments; but, to the lover, the one beloved is the most beautiful; because there is felt an inwrought adaptation of desire to desire, impulse to impulse, organization to organization, Soul to Soul!”

Kairissi. Davis' term "inwrought adaptation" conceals much understanding about the hidden nature and development of true love.

Elenchus. Tell me what you see.

K. First, let's define the words. "Wrought" is Old English for "work." "Inwrought" means to "work in," in the sense of combining something with something else. And "adaptation" has to do with adjusting or modifying according to a new situation.

E. So what does this give us?

K. Look at Davis' comment again. He begins by saying that the soul is virtually infinitely expansive. And toward what will it alter itself? Each Twin has a "default setting," if you will, in terms of occupying certain domains of strength. She naturally becomes Love, and he has to get by only with Wisdom. (small smile)

E. The arrangement suits me just fine.

K. I keep telling you you're so lucky. But let's not distract ourselves for the moment. Davis says that each Twin, each for the other, expands, reaches out to receive, strives to incorporate, the domain of the other.

E. It's quite beautiful, isn't it?

K. Truly, yes. Notice, too, Davis instructs that each will "irresistibly seek and implore," each from the other, the tremendous gift brought to the romantic relationship. But Davis isn't done. Now he says that these gifts of Love and Wisdom, as they are contemplated, so dazzle the receiver that each suddenly judges his or her counterpart as "the greatest, and most beautiful" of all human beings in the universe.

E. And now we are forced to ask, is this superlative just a sweet deception? - and, probably, a self-deception?

K. Psychologists would say yes, it's only a fevered idealization. But I'm not so sure. I think... if you're a Twin Soul... it's true -- true for you.

E. Is this "truth" in a subjective sense?

K. I believe it happens like this - and it's at this point that Davis introduces his "inwrought adaptation." When each Twin is given "eyes to see," not just the identity of the heretofore hidden Twin but, the primary field of virtue, Love or Wisdom, each is so stunned into a bedazzlement at these expressions of spiritual excellence...

E. Kriss, if I may interrupt for a moment to add something that I'm suddenly getting.

K. Please.

E. These spiritual virtues, Love and Wisdom, in the final analysis, reveal the hidden nature of God - because - that's what Twins do for each other. These gifts of spiritual excellence do not issue, in the truest sense, from the Twins themselves but reflect the Divine Parent(s) who made and empowered them.

K. Yes, of course, and this is another reason why Twins are so shaken and dazed by the beauty of these virtues, which, by way of their "made in the image" status, becomes a de facto unveiling of the divine essence; in similar vein, you and I have often stated that Twins reveal the hidden face of God, each to the other.

E. Let's point out, too, that true love doesn't mean that one isn't aware of possible aspects of immaturity in a mate.

K. That's right; however, it also does not mean that you "settle" for less than the perfection you need and want in a mate; she has to be perfect - perfect for you, or you will never make it through eternal life! Let's talk about this: We all know of a street-savviness which says, “You can’t expect to get all you want from a mate. She’s not going to be Miss Perfect. You have to be willing to take less than you wanted, or you’ll never get married.” There’s a Seinfeld episode where Jerry’s parents are visiting. The mom asks if he’s found a good girl yet, and what happened with that last one. Then dad adds, “Maybe you want too much. You have to learn to settle for less. I had to, when I married your mother”; said he, blandly looking at his wife. This was supposed to be funny, I guess - but Ann Landers’ ranks of the “miserably married” are chock-a-block with legions of couples who “settled,” and spent the next years sincerely repenting for their lack of good judgment.

E. Explain how this works out for Twins, Kriss.

K. They are not unrealistic, they are not blinded to imperfections – their spiritual eyes are well open, or they wouldn’t even have been able to recognize each other as Twins. However, though they may be aware of a point of immaturity, they look beyond the “spot or wrinkle” and see the glorious potential of the one they love. This is the reality for them. There’s no “settling,” not at all. Each gets exactly what he or she always wanted in a mate; truth be told, far, far more, because, as we’ve said, we didn’t even know what we wanted until the sacred beloved presented it to us.

E. I interrupted you earlier, Kriss. Now tell us how the "inwrought adaptation" becomes part of all this.

K. Davis says that the soul expands, that is, reaches out to incorporate the wonder and beauty of these primary-domain virtues. And a soul that "expands" is a soul that "adapts" to the new riches revealed by the counterpartal mate. To state it plainly, the fellow thinks she's so beautiful because his soul has been "modified" or "adapted" to perceive her in all her glory; mainly, a potential glory.

E. And then the newly perceived gift is "worked into" the receiving soul. It's quite a software upgrade.

K. The graphics are awesome. No other guy would view her as beautiful as this! - not to this extent; she needs to realize this. This peak perception is just for him; and, in truth, just for her, too, as she will take her own turn in seeing him in this same sparkling and beguiling light. Let me also say that, because these perceptions need to be "worked into" the soul, this is why, in their immature states, Twins don't necessarily, right off the bat, see each other as the "greatest" or "most" this-or-that. They might not be so crazy about each other from the start.

E. Common wisdom of society suggests that any two pretty "fish in the sea" can fall in love or rekindle early attraction just by dating, spending time together, doing things together, or "working on their marriage." Lots of marriage counselors preach this. But it's not like that. John and Mary tend to believe that the "inwrought adaptation" can be effective for any two willing parties. But that's not how it works.

K. In the history of the world it's never worked. You have to be Twin Souls for the "inwrought adaptation" to kick into high gear. And when it does, you can't shut it down. Next thing you know, he's walking around in a near-perpetual astonishment for all that she means to him. And this won't go away.

E. Be kind to animals. However, Love and Wisdom are truly the new spiritual riches - and wedding gifts to each other.

K. For the receiving lover, each in his or her own turn, the superlative judgment, the "most" and the "greatest," is quite accurate - because, there is no one else, in the entire universe, who is able to perceive the grand human potential in the other; further, as each was "made in the image," there is no one else to facilitate the revelation of the beauty of God's mind - the Love and the Wisdom.

E. Inwrought-adaptationally yours.

the blending is not one-sided In Star Trek, The Next Generation, Episode, "The Perfect Mate" (1992), we find that Kamala, a "metamorph" has bonded with Picard. She has transformed herself into his requirements for an ideal mate. But the true "inwrought adaptation" is not one-sided. Each Twin, for the other, becomes exactly what secret wishes had always dreamed of in a darling companion; each becomes the other's personalized definition of happiness. And this is why Kamala is changed by him, as well.

Henry C. Wright

Elenchus. Henry C. Wright was an associate of Andrew Jackson Davis. Both were Spiritualist ministers, both were Abolitionists; as such, they sought to liberate slaves wherever they might be found.

Kairissi. Including, those of the legalistic, loveless marriage - in the main, women held in chains by patriarchal convention.

E. This spirit of freedom needs to be understood when interpreting the writings of these two men.

K. Let’s offer excerpts from Wright’s book, but the reader would be profited by a more extensive offering on the Henry C. Wright page.

salvation - a messiah, each to the other

What Shall We Do To Be Saved? The past has given one answer to this question; the future will give another. I will endeavor to anticipate the answer which the future of this world will give to this important question. What can we do to raise the entire human being to the highest point of perfection which it is capable of attaining?

We live for the race, in all coming time. We cannot live only for ourselves, or for the present state, nation, or age. The principles we adopt, and the practices we pursue, must bear on the race, for good or evil, while man exists. There is no isolation for an individual man or woman. Our nature identifies our existence and happiness with that of the human family…

The male organism, including body and soul, is adapted to elaborate, secrete and impart the primary element, or germ, of a new being; the female is adapted to receive, nourish and develop that germ into a living human form.

Man, by himself, is powerless; so is woman; but, united, both are perfected, and alike potent…

Two great principles pervade universal being, so far as it is subject to human scrutiny — the Masculine and the Feminine. The blending of these two elements constitutes the creative power of the universe...

K. Let’s compare this to our note above. Wright sees the male and female energies as the hidden fire producing the creative energy in the universe.

E. As usual, these are concepts we’ll be investigating for a long time.

K. I like this because as we gain answers here, we not only learn about true love but the very nature of God.

E. Because we're an extension of God.

each reveals God to the other

A woman is the female element of the Divine Being manifested in human form; a man is the masculine element of the same being, thus manifested. The perfect combination of these two makes the true God visible and tangible, so far as he can be.

The more perfect the oneness of the husband and wife, the more like God. That which constitutes the distinction between male and female, and divides all animals and vegetables into two classes, is also the bond that binds all things together, that gives to every being a companion, leaving nothing to solitude and isolation. It is the harmonizing principle of the universe, to bring each man and woman into harmony with self and with God. If the relation in which we originate be unnatural and inharmonious, the offspring must be at war with itself and with all around. Discord would be its birthright inheritance.

Man and Woman define and discover themselves, in the deepest sense, only in relation to each other

I believe that each sex can alone interpret the other; therefore, leaving to thee the work of defining the mission of the masculine element of Humanity, and of showing how that may be best accomplished, I will proceed to state the nature and design of woman's mission, and how it can be most successfully fulfilled.

The question may arise, — "Has man a right to speak for woman? Can he define her mission, and point to the means of its successful completion?" I answer, that man alone has the ability and the right to explain the great object of woman's existence, and to show how she can most perfectly answer that end. The embodiment of the masculine and feminine elements has no significance, except as each answers to the wants of the other; the organization of each having no object but in reference to the wants of the other. The being who is conscious of a want can alone understand and truly estimate the nature and value of that which is essential to its supply. Man needs refinement, purity, elevation. In vain he looks to man for this consummation. Whatever power man may have to beautify and ennoble woman, — and over her it is almost omnipotent, as is hers over him, — he has little power over his own sex.

Woman has power to meet the holiest, deepest wants of man's soul. An instinct directs him to her to supply those wants, as another instinct directs him to food to appease hunger. He attracts her to himself in the relation of a wife...

'look into her eyes' and find your own true self

The mission of woman! — how beautiful, how delicate, how potent, how sublime! To reveal to man the wealth of his own spirit; to separate the pure gold of his nature from the coarse earth which surrounds it; to give repose to his restless soul; to lead him to his home and everlasting rest in Love — in God!

It is a mission of which she may well be proud. In the conscious dignity and divinity of her calling should she go forth to save; for only in her love, her purity and power, can man find his true salvation.

everything you count precious, all that she is to you, is exactly what you need! - well, what a coincidence

Woman, like God, is practically, to each man, just what he conceives her to be. Let not woman be startled at the assertion, that every element of her physical, intellectual, social and spiritual nature, demonstrates that she received her present organization for the development and perfecting of man.

George Harrison: you don't realize how much I need you

Nor let man be startled by the assertion that he is a helpless dependant on woman. His soul can no more be perfected without her vitalizing and sustaining power, than his body can without food and air. Woman was constituted with the power to beautify and perfect manhood, solely with reference to the want in him which she thus supplies, and he is a dependant on her love and power. He cannot develop and perfect himself without her.

Every man who has a soul of sufficient power, purity and tenderness to render his nature attractive to the true woman, will recognize this as a fixed fact of his interior and exterior existence. As well might the earth feel degraded by its dependence on the sun, as man by his dependence on woman…

your heart, lying unclaimed, in the lost-and-found

She longs to be claimed, possessed; to feel the very fibres of her heart grasped in a mighty hand; to hear the solemn assurance which shall fill her soul with rapture, "Thou art mine, for time and eternity."

From that hour of transfiguration, she walks in "robes of golden light." "I have loved, I have lived," is the unceasing music of her soul; and, borne on the mighty wings of this new life, she mounts to heights of heroism that her eye could never reach before.

For the first time, she learns the true object of her creation. All previous life, all attainments, all efforts, which have hindered or failed to aid her to this true life, are viewed as time and labor lost.

I will wait for you, no matter how long the wait

In her self-abandonment, she calmly bears reproach, poverty, pain and death, if she may but preserve in her heart the faith that her chosen one is worthy of the sacrifice. She asks only that he may be worthy, and her brave heart will face the darkest fate.

It is true, innocence is sometimes betrayed, confidence misplaced. But even when love sees its idol turned to clay, the heart is slow to believe that it is dead.

I believe that a true woman would rather love, even if it were rejected, than live without knowing the depths of her own heart. Bitter tears may mingle in the draught, but she knows, at last, what it is to live; and before the solemn beauty of that experience, all former life dwindles into nothingness.

Man! couldst thou but believe in the mighty power that rests in thy noble nature to save her who waits and longs to come to thee, thou wouldst rather die than do aught to mar the glory with which a woman’s love invests thee!

Such is the attitude in which Nature places the heart of the true woman towards man. Can her life be perfected without him? She may attain to great intellectual cultivation; she may, in isolation from man, extend a general benevolence which will do much good, and bring much happiness; she may, by constant activity and exertion, save herself from ennui and discontent; but she will never fully comprehend the extent or beauty of her relations to God or man, till she is regenerated…

and continue to wait, if ...

But if [he delays his coming], rather than yield to the fear of reproach, or the force of opinion, which sets so fiercely for worldly advantages, the true heart of woman will wait and wait, even though, with weary heart and far-searching eyes, she turn from one after another who may seek her love.

She will say to them,— "Pass on, pass on, I wait for my Messiah." Even if she wait until her eyes grow dim, and her unblessed brow be crowned with silver hair, — nay, even when she lies down to rest in her last sleep, her unbowed soul will still say, "I wait for my Messiah."

her fair form is but the fitting temple of her noble soul

When such is the general type of womanhood, when her fair form is but the fitting temple for her noble soul, when her earnest eyes glow with the holy light of purity, and her lips are eloquent with truth, when dignity is not a studied grace, but the unconscious expression of nobleness of soul, man will learn to honor what he cannot corrupt, he will be compelled to love what he cannot flatter.

Man should be to woman an aid to just this level of attainment. In his highly-endowed nature abides all that a woman's heart demands. She must love and honor him, and merge her life in his.

she must wait, and choose wisely, ever listening to whispering directions of her deepest soul, lest the compelling desire to find The One lead her to ruin

He must be great, and pure, and true, or this impulse of her nature will lead her to her ruin.

Man has a right to look to woman for the completion of his destiny, by her power to refine and elevate his nature, to share his intellectual life, to develop his affections in the most endearing domestic relations; woman has a right to look to man for a type of greatness which shall fill her ideal of manhood.

She expects from him a generous appreciation of her whole nature, moral, intellectual and physical, and his help in its development. She should awaken in him a wise, tender love, which seeketh not its own. She should come to him as a companion, protector, friend, and lover. When will man accept this holy mission, and be blessed?

so, what is marriage, really

What is Marriage? In what consists the relation of husband and wife… It is not in the fact that we have a license from the Church or State to live in this relation… nor in the fact that a priest or magistrate, as the mouth-piece of society, has assured us, before others, that God hath joined us together…

Nor does our marriage consist in the fact that we live together as husband and wife; for all these things are done by men and women between whom no true marriage exists. It is not in the power of Church or State, priest or magistrate, to make thee my wife; that can be done only by a power infinitely above them all.

And yet, how many, with and without a license, are living together as husband and wife, between whom there is no marriage! No human law, or license, or authority, or social custom can make that right which would otherwise be wrong, nor that wrong which would otherwise be right.

you will not know what true marriage is until the real love overwhelms you - and, no, it wasn't that little thing that interrupted you in the past

What, then, is marriage? No logical definition, of universal application, can be given, for the heart alone can truly apprehend it.

Words are nothing; marriage may express all that is good — it often stands for all that is evil. It may be the most vitalizing, improving, happy relation into which human beings can be attracted; and it is often the most debasing and blighting…

These, then, are the facts touching my relation to thee. My nature has a certain want, and the power to attract and assimilate to itself a natural and healthful supply. That want pertains to my physical, social, intellectual and spiritual nature, and it is fulfilled in thee.

A restless and ever-present longing pervaded my entire being. That restlessness has given place to absolute repose; that intense longing has found a satisfaction still more intense. My ideal of beauty, purity, truth, justice and love, I longed to see embodied; I found them so in thee, as I found them in no other being. I longed to find my highest object of love and adoration incarnate in a living, visible, tangible, actualized relation. That incarnation I found most beautifully presented in my relation to thee.

Love invests its object with light and beauty, with a holy consecration, seen and felt only by the husband.

you are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen, the most beautiful in the world ... but that is not why I love you

To him, the wife is the embodiment of the feminine element, and this will seem to his loving heart to be the most exalted, most sacred and attractive attribute of the Divine nature.

She comes to him to meet his highest aspirations for true development, — as the vitalizing, consecrating power of his soul.

I knew it! I said it all along! I saw God in those bright eyes of yours! I know that I shall never be closer to God, now or in future worlds, than when I see that purity, dwelling in your eyes

Impelled by my experience, in my relation to thee, my heart renders this definition of a wife — THE MOST PERFECT AND ATTRACTIVE INCARNATION OF GOD TO THE HUSBAND. The great Invisible and Intangible is made more beautifully and attractively visible and tangible in this, than in any other relation.

In thee, Love and Wisdom are manifested in the flesh to me, as they are in no other being of the past, or of the present. I go no more, in spirit, into the regions of abject separate existence. Thought responds to thought, will to will, heart to heart. The advent of man and woman to each other, as husband and wife, is the advent of the true and natural Saviour to the soul of each.

My faith rests on the nature of the union itself. As defined by us, marriage is the actual blending of two souls, a masculine and feminine, according to natural law, each being attracted to the other by a power over which neither has control, so long as they remain within the sphere of each other's attractive force.

• Editor's note: this last part means that the Small Ego, with it fears and selfishness, can temporarily cause a blindness, preventing one from sensing the Beloved.

They know not how nor why they are thus blended, since it came by no will or effort of their own. As they did not will themselves into this union, they cannot will themselves out of it…

all true lovers are convinced they have loved each other forever, and will continue to love each other for another forever - there's a reason for that

Each desires the union to be perpetual. — Of all the harmonies the universe can furnish or the mind conceive, none is so perfect, so purifying and ennobling, as that made by the blending of two souls in marriage. Its sweetness never cloys [distasteful through overabundance]; its oft-repeated strains never weary, but, the more often repeated, the more the soul of each longs for and enjoys them.

true happiness, philosophers say, is the sum of all good things - therefore, it is impossible to grow tired of perfect happiness; if we could, it wouldn't be perfect and it wouldn't be happiness; this means that you will never tire of her, that personification of all good things, everything you ever needed and wanted; how can you tire of what, by nature, you always truly needed and wanted

The human heart can never weary of loving and being loved; nor can it weary of the presence of the beloved object, for it is to each the visible presence of that for which each most earnestly longs, — the presence of Love, of God.

If either wishes separation, [then] there [exists] no … true marriage in the heart. Where there is true marriage, universal experience testifies that it longs for an endless perpetuity; and the very existence of this desire demonstrates to me the fact, that Nature designed the union to be perpetual. The want is natural, and Nature creates no want for which she does not create a supply…

Society is full of inharmonious and most fatal alliances between men and women, under the name of marriage, — alliances as unnatural and monstrous, and as fruitful of evil, as a union between liberty and slavery, truth and falsehood, purity and impurity, — alliances in which no compromises can ever produce harmony or happiness.

How to prevent these misalliances? — This is the question. Divorce is the result of, and a supposed remedy for, unnatural and inharmonious relations between men and women, under the name of marriage…

Man mistakes the excitement of passion for conjugal love; woman mistakes vanity, ambition, a desire for a home or a social position, for the same.

They enter into intimate personal relations as husband and wife. The counterfeits of love, which precipitated them into their unnatural and inharmonious outward union, soon reveal themselves, and both find that they stand in an outward relation to each other which their souls have never sanctioned. In her ignorance and blindness, woman takes to herself what she hopes may prove the bread of life to her soul, but she finds it a deadly poison.

let the force guide you

There is but one way in which these unnatural and discordant alliances can be prevented, and divorce be forestalled. The intuitions of men and women must be more perfectly organized and developed; the sexual instinct must be refined and more delicately attuned; then would they be able to select a natural and healthful supply for that want of the soul which points man to woman as a wife, or woman to man as a husband, with as much certainty as the instinct for material food directs us to select that which is wholesome.

The [present ego-based] instinct which points men to women and women to men for a true development, is all dark, bewildered, gross; and, in its grossness and want of delicacy of perception, it points them to a relation based mainly on sensual indulgence.

Disappointment, sickness and disgust of heart, ensue; the two that fondly dreamed of oneness become antagonisms; neglect, abuse, outrage, follow, and civil government is asked to come in and cut the outward bond, and save them from the effects of their ignorance and passion.

Had that deepest, noblest and most potential instinct of the soul been truly, delicately and nobly formed and directed, had it been so enlightened and refined that it would have guided the soul to select for itself the true element of conjugal life, it would have elevated to heaven, instead of casting down to perdition.

In such a relation, divorce has no place, no significance. It belongs only to unnatural conditions and false relations between the sexes. Under the guidance of an enlightened, refined sexual instinct, the only power that can bring the two elements into true and vitalizing relations, where marriage is but another name for love, for harmony and perfect trust between two souls…

Meanwhile, the truth will stand, that marriage, like the pulsations of the heart and the contractions of the lungs, is the work of Nature. There is a power that brings a man and woman into this relation. When this power ceases to act, to make the two One, marriage ceases, as an experience of the soul; and where there is no union of soul, there is no marriage, and all outward conjugal relations should cease.

[What are men and women to do when, often due to immaturity, they find that they have made a mistake? find themselves in marriages that prove to be ill-conceived?] Can the wife, who loved in him the embodiment of all high and holy qualities, which he once was, still love the man, who, in all respects, fails to meet the ideal that first won her maiden heart? The man she loved is changed [in her heart]; he is no more. Her ideal is not changed, but the man to whom she gave herself as a wife has ceased to embody that ideal. Reason and Nature answer, at once, and say, "She cannot love him as she did!" But, without this love, is she, before God, his wife? By all that is sacred, she is not!

The man in whom her soul found embodied its ideal of purity, nobleness, and manhood, has become a loathsome sensualist. The man has made himself repulsive to her wifely heart; by his sensualism, he has separated himself from her soul of conjugal love, as the sinner, by his sins, has separated himself from his God.

She may pity him, and weep over him, but she cannot love him and come to him as a wife. Love cannot attract her heart to that which is not lovely, and he is so no longer.

Now, what shall she do? Is her body to belong to the man who has no power to retain her affection? Not for one moment! She is not his wife by love, only by law and outward form; and the [continued] surrender of her person is but legalized prostitution, frowned upon by a just and holy God.

Come what may, when love ceases between those who have been pronounced husband and wife, let the outward expression cease. Where a deep, holy, conjugal love does not unite the souls of a man and woman, however strong the demands of passion, let there be no surrender of the person, for the unhallowed purpose of mere sensual gratification.

Let every woman be fixed, as God is, never to live with a man, as a wife, whom she does not love; let every man be equally true to the voices of his nature, and an untold amount of misery would be saved to both.

The rock on which so many fond hopes are dashed, the one fatal error which is so fruitful in direful results to many bewildered, but trusting hearts, is, that men and women commence living in the outward relations of husband and wife, and become parents, in utter ignorance of each other, of their own wants, as male and female, and of the only basis of a true conjugal relation, and regardless of that corresponding attraction and union of heart, without which, the outward personal surrender is an outrage to body and soul, that must, as a general rule, end in disease and wretchedness to all who thus live, and to their offspring.

Would that parents might study to guard their sons and daughters against the possibility of mistaking passion, or friendship, or a desire for a home, for wealth, social position, or any other feeling, for conjugal love! Let them attend to the organization and true development of the sexual instinct…

But, if there are children, what must the parents do? Live together, as friends, who have in those children, on whom they have entailed existence without love, a mutual care and responsibility. Be to them parents, in the deepest and widest sense possible. Give them every attention and advantage which they have a right to claim from the authors of their being ; and in order to do this, keep your own souls free from degradation, by a firm, unwavering fidelity to the highest impulses of your nature. Cease to be a wife, in external relations, to the man thou dost not love, but be a mother to the child for whose existence thou art responsible; cease to be a husband to the woman thou dost not love, but ever be a father to the child who has derived its being from thee.

Whatever demonstrates the cessation or absence of love between a man and woman, proves that the relation of husband and wife never existed... There are many other proofs, less censured by human laws and customs, on which a true man or woman must rely, and by which they must govern their relations.

Editor's note: The only marriage recognized by heaven is the 'marriage of spirits' - if you have it - possible with one particular person only - you can't lose it; if you don't have it, with the one you're with, you can't get it; you are married to that particular one of soul affinity, whether in his absence or presence, and nothing will change this.

Where [true] conjugal love exists between a man and woman, there is marriage. Though external surroundings may prevent the public recognition of it, yet, before God, those two souls are one - are husband and wife - as truly as if they openly lived in that relation.

There is but one true cause of divorce from the inner or outward marriage relation, and that is, The Absence Of Love.

But, to a true marriage, whose conditions are faithfully sustained, there will come no divorce… [which is impossible, as the binding soul-energies are unfailing.]

Suppose two are [merely legally] married, under this impression, who think they love each other. As time rolls on, and each matures and develops, they diverge in sympathy; and perhaps the husband or the wife may be so constituted by nature, that the deepest wants of the heart cannot be met by the other. Without abuse or outrage, love yields its place to friendship, respect, and kind feeling. If this takes place in the wife, her nature will not demand the personal endearments of marriage. She will promptly say to her husband, that such expressions belong to love, not to friendship; that they are disagreeable to her, and that only by restraining them can either be saved from degradation.

John demands: 'how could you think of leaving me and be so unkind? don't you care about me?' as usual, he considers only himself... Mary must say to him, 'how could you require me to stay, and suffer, for years to come, in a loveless marriage? don't you care about me?'

He tells her that she is wrong; that when she married, she gave herself to be his lawful, wedded wife, and that his nature demands the gratification of all its wants; that he has a right to such gratification, and her scruples are only foolish nonsense, which should not weigh against his wishes; that they are useless obstacles in the way of his enjoyment; and that the world would agree with him, that his demand was no more than just.

To such arguments the wife generally yields; not willingly, but by compulsion, for where is her refuge? She applies to her protector for protection against himself, — but in vain. It were well if every husband realized that in thus removing "obstacles," he has planted an element ruinous to himself. He has taken the first step towards turning respect into contempt, friendship into hatred, and liking into loathing.

If women dared to give their experience on this matter, as they one day will, they would agree with this statement. From the hour that a wife realizes that her husband claims her person, when he knows he has not her heart, she is a slave, not less degraded than any ever bought or sold upon the auction-block; and she entertains to her master the feelings which such a relation must produce. Marriage, to her, becomes the name for all that is debasing and disgusting.

What, then, is she to do? Human law lent its sanctions to ratify her marriage. Note, an equally clear and unmistakable voice within tells her that that marriage is null and void. She appeals to human law to annul it; but it is silent as the tomb. She has prayed in vain for mercy of [the husband in name only] who has taken it upon himself to cherish and protect her, and what remains to her? Either to bow her soul to a pollution too deep for any name, or to disregard the power of human law and a still more cruel public opinion, and leave the home where the shelter for her head must be purchased at the cost of her self-respect.

This is her last resort. But, before this, let her try every argument, every reason, which manhood can comprehend or generosity feel, in behalf of her own rights. Let her show, by appeals to nature and reason, that it is a mistake to suppose that marriage takes from the wife the control of her own person. It is a natural, inalienable right, that was ordained of God before human law was made, and can be annulled by no enactments of men.

If there are children, let her plead to be their true and faithful mother. To this end, let her keep herself pure and undefiled; let their children be a mutual care, and let them have every attention and advantage which they have a right to claim from the authors of their being. A man must be less than human, not to listen to this deep, agonizing petition from the mother of his children.

But if he be less than a man, that wife is bound to fidelity to her own soul, at every cost. She will stand guilty before God for the neglect of her instincts [her own inner soul-direction]; and if there is no alternative but separation or legalized prostitution, then, I say, in the name of God and virtue, let her depart! ...

the depths of misery lying behind a smile

• Sting: "every smile you fake"

I speak from my knowledge of woman's nature, —her instincts, her demands; and I have heard deep and heart-rending revelations from those the world considers happy. I know full well what depths of misery may lie behind a smile...

lives of quiet desperation

She suffers, in silence, the utter prostitution and ruin of her soul and body. He who should have been the Elixir of Life to her, has become her Death-Potion, which is fast precipitating her into a premature, but longed-for grave.

• Ann Landers: "The poor wish to rich; the rich wish to be happy; the single wish to be married; and the married wish to be dead."

Such is a picture which may be seen in any neighborhood, among all classes. Why is it that woman so often dates the beginning of her downward course with marriage? Her intellect becomes enfeebled and bewildered; science and literature become less attractive; her social and moral nature becomes inactive, and she disappears from the social circle of which she was the life, not to give life to the still dearer home-circle, for there, too, clouds and darkness hang round about her. Proudly and fondly she gave to her husband all the treasures of her womanhood, and he has used them to her destruction.

But the wife cannot sink alone. The husband, who has cast her down, must fall with her: God hath so decreed. Every abuse of her nature is as great or a greater abuse of his own. The essential element of the marriage relation is oneness, harmony, — harmony in the intellectual, affectional and passional elements of their natures...

Elenchus. Kriss, we’re going to offer summary statements of all this on a separate page, however, is there anything you’d like to say right now?

Kairissi. I feel overwhelmed. The heights of marriage are much higher and nobler than we’ve known, but the depths are more sordid and dark than we’ve admitted.

E. (silence)

K. We should remind ourselves, too, that the reporters on this page offered no mere private opinion but, in each case, perceptions based upon channeled directive and mystical revelation. (sighing) You know, Ellus, everybody will say that marriage is something important, but that’s like saying that the Mona Lisa isn’t a bad painting. We have dragged the holiness of marriage into the gutter by equating it with mere sensuality and pleasure-seeking. It’s all that, yes, but what we haven’t seen is that marriage, true marriage, not some knock-off church counterfeit, is the sacred means by which we come to see the face of God.

postscript

Elenchus. Our overall topic in this discussion is “freedom from illusion.” And the illusion is anything that falls short of the “Mother-Father God” emulation.

Kairissi. And wouldn’t you say that this “falling short” is always some sort of materialistic thinking, some animal-based inclination?

E. I would say you’re right, but it doesn’t always seem like materialism in the thick of it. The error of perception always seems to be natural and proper.

K. But, as we've learned, no matter the level of consciousness one inhabits, what we do always seems the right thing to do.

E. I’d like to say more about this but let me preface with: I am shocked at how often I fall into this illusion. I would have thought that, once I know something about you or “us,” then I could just live in that sweet understanding, and not be tempted by anything less.

K. But we shouldn’t be surprised by this. We know that it’s very possible to “lose one’s state of presence” and to be “taken over by the ego.”

E. And that’s part of illusion, too. I so easily drift into an incoherence, and then I temporarily lose my perspective of “us.” It seems that I always have to pull myself back from the illusion of materialism.

K. Elenchus, I think this is just part of the human condition. Someday, when we live in Summerland, when we have more control over our spirits, we will live in that better level of awareness without any mental drifting.

E. I think that’s correct.

K. But what did you really want to say here?

E. When the ego “takes me over,” then I lose an awareness of just how special is our love. It often happens like this: Images of beautiful women I’ve known begin to invade my head. And then the disconcerting question comes, “Why do you want Kriss and not one of these others? Each of them is beautiful, and some of them, it would seem, are just as attractive as Kriss, with the same ‘perfect resume’ of stellar feminine qualities. Why do you think you need to be with Kriss?”

K. And how do you answer yourself when the ego poses these questions?

E. Sometimes, this interrogation takes me off-guard. In my confusion, I can’t immediately give a good answer. These other women can appear in my mind as extremely attractive. And this begins to really bother me; so much so that I might need to lie down, as I experience a kind of nausea.

K. (softly) Because you wonder if you’ve made a mistake.

E. (sighing) I might fall asleep in this malaise, and my spirit, pacing back and forth, is very troubled.

K. And what do you see?

E. I see that with each of these very attractive, intelligent, and gracious women, I experience a sense of thrill to know them. And the pleasure of knowing them, and the prospect of being with them, begins to overwhelm. The intensity mounts in my spirit – to the point of discomfort, a kind of agitation, unrest, and craving. And then I might recall what the Buddha said about craving as the root of unhappiness.

K. And what do you do then?

E. Oftentimes, the intensity grows and grows, forcing me to acknowledge that something is very wrong with this fantasy of projected pleasure. It’s making me inwardly unbalanced and disheveled. And then, suddenly, I realize the answer: In none of these mental meetings with particular feminine beauty do I know portion or particle of any sense of rest to my soul, never any atom of wholeness and peace, nothing of the sacred One Person nor “soulmate, myself.”

And then I ask, “Would you want to build a life with any of these women? Would you want to discuss goals and plans for the future? Would you want to share recent findings and insights and discuss everything?” And then I realize that, while it would be easy to enjoy their beauty, I wouldn’t really want to talk to any of them; not in any meaningful way. And it hits me hard that you, Kriss, are the only one in my whole life who has ever appealed to, brought to life, or activated my deeper intelligence and sensibilities. Your outward form is as beautiful, or more beautiful, as any of them – but this is not why I am drawn to you.

one woman, one particular woman

K. A third-party observer would find it hard to believe that one woman, one particular woman, could enliven the spirit of one particular man in this way.

E. I can hardly believe it myself. Part of me does not believe it, and I have to continually search this out, but I keep coming up with the same answer: You are the only one I've ever really wanted to talk to.

K. Dearest Elenchus, it seems that it’s quite easy to imagine oneself loving another – and this is true for both male and female – in a materialistic way. But none of this externality will pass muster in terms of the “Mother-Father God emulation". It will not help us fulfill destiny and reach the higher levels of pleasure. The lower nature wants the stimulation and thrill of bio-attractors, but these merely foster the “illusion” of which we’ve addressed in our discussions.

E. And now the antidote to "freedom from illusion" is readily apparent.

K. We must "stay present" to our deepest soul-energies.

K. As one meditates on “freedom from illusion,” or any subject, over a period of time, the issue under review becomes simpler and simpler. Regarding illusion, people look at life through different filters. Some see life through the filter of materialism; or their religion; or power acquisition; or a quest for animal pleasures. It could be many things.

E. I’m thinking of the movie, “The Lakehouse.” Alex’s father gave up his wife, whom he loved, to single-mindedly pursue fame as an architect.

K. He succeeded, but lost his soul in the process.

E. I think the most disturbing part of the movie is to witness Kate "settling" for third- or fourth-best in love. She knew she didn't love him, but a despair concerning "I'll never have any happiness if I don't take what I can right now" began to destroy her spirit.

K. (sighing) Many of us have lived that movie. But all of these pursuits, and many more, represent filters through which life is viewed. Some of these perspectives might offer some value, if taken in the right proportion. But, after all of the strivings to make life work, the only one that ultimately matters, or offers freedom from illusion, is the “Mother-Father God emulation.”

E. That would be, finding true eternal romantic love with one’s Twin Soul.

wait for me, wait with me

The Lakehouse, Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves, the final scene

"You waited."

Kairissi. There are many examples in literature of the lover's pledge, "I will wait for you."

Elenchus. But things will not turn felicitous in their own final scene unless she's also waiting with him.

K. Ahhh... the dreaded lop-sided love-affair.

E. That could be a threat, but, even so, once he realizes who she is to him, then, even if he receives, from her, no official confirmation of his proposition, he will commit unilaterally; he'll wait, even without guarantee of soft landing. He'll wait anyway, and make his own landing. In true love, there is no option but to wait, as there can be no other object of his love. And so he'll find a way; true love, as Shakespeare said, always finds a way, to eventually... be with her.

giving in a receiving way, receiving in a giving way

K. Because of the time-travel aspect, “The Lakehouse” is not easy to sort out. I had to see it for a third time before it came together for me.

E. Do you like this movie?

K. I do, rather. I had to warm up to it, though. While the plot is charming, it is, I would say, a little weak. However, what really carries the show is the great performances by the two stars. They’re both quite believable, and I especially like Sandra’s tender spirit as she waits for love in her life. But, actually, this is not what I really want to say as a final note here.

E. What are you seeing, Kriss?

K. I didn’t notice until the third viewing, but, right after Sandra’s character whispers to him, “You waited!”, they begin to kiss each other passionately - which would be a normal response after what they’d been through. But as I watched their display of affection one more time, I saw that it represented “giving in a receiving way and receiving in a giving way.”

E. I think you have everyone’s attention with this, so explain what this means.

K. While it’s accurate to say that they were kissing each other, it’s also fairly obvious that, primarily, he was the one joyously kissing her, and she was joyously receiving him, giving herself to be kissed. I found myself awestruck by the majesty of the subtle difference.

E. How do you know this wasn’t just a simple case of two kissing each other?

K. Well, it is that, but it’s also more. She reveals the true essence, though, with her small smiles, receiving him, as he delights to kiss her with intensity. In effect, her facial expression beams, “You can enjoy me as much as you want now, and it’s my joy to give myself to you with equal measure.” I was somewhat enraptured to witness all this -- what seemed to me a very clear example of “giving in a receiving way and receiving in a giving way.”

Freedom from Illusion, Part I

Freedom from Illusion, Part III

Freedom from Illusion, Part IV

Freedom from Illusion, Part V