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Word Gems exploring self-realization, sacred personhood, and full humanity
Soulmate, Myself:
Kairissi. I'm still reeling from the profound insight, “receiving in a giving way, giving in a receiving way.” Elenchus. It’s more than wonderful. K. It’s helped me to understand what might be a hidden problem for us; maybe, a potential problem. If I may, Elenchus, please allow me to talk this out and, if you would, simply give audience to what I have to say. E. (silence) K. There’s something in the back of your mind, you don’t like to talk about it - but it bothers you. It’s related to the issue of trust: do I truly love you, can you have faith in me to treat you properly, can you build your life around the person that I am? We talked at length about this issue of trustworthiness in the “Georgia Girl” writing. I know these questions arise in your mind due to bad decisions I made in the past. There were times when I severely mistreated you. And the sting of this memory has not altogether faded and continues to color your perception of me. In our discussion concerning Love and Wisdom, we were reminded that the male’s domain is primarily in the world, the external realm. Men are also interested in the intuitive sphere of Love, just as I am interested in Wisdom, but for you it’s an overriding passion. As a fish takes to water or a bird to the air, you naturally feel comfortable pursuing Wisdom. You want to know the mind of God. You want to understand the meaning of truth and reality. You crave this. And you’ve already made plans for how you want to live life in Summerland. You’ve made a list of all the subjects you want to study as you believe these will reveal the mind of God. You want these things, but you also want me. And this is where the conflict begins for you. You’re thinking, “I need to pursue wisdom and truth and reality to know the mind of God, but will Kairissi really want to be with me in all this quest for knowledge? I want her as a full partner in everything I do, I want to discuss everything I’m learning, but I don’t know if she’ll want to pursue these things as much as I do.” This is a problem for you. You tell yourself, “If she doesn’t like all these things I’m interested in, if she doesn’t want to learn about what I think is important, won’t this mean that we’ll grow apart? And isn’t this what happens to John-and-Mary couples? They live in their own little worlds of private interest and, at best, meet in the evening for a couple hours before bed. But I don’t want that kind of relationship. I want to be with a girl who can be my ‘darling companion’ in everything I do.” And you worry about what could be my competing agenda: “Will she really want to study physics and chemistry, math and philosophy, and so many other subjects, to the extent that I purpose to do? I have my doubts. And this leads me to fear that our relationship will be shallow and perfunctory. She has her own domain, and why wouldn’t she want to have her own list of projects to pursue which relate to it?" You believe that, in the end, I will treat you badly, and put you away, as I did in the past. All of this is the more complicated as you discern that you do, in fact, need me. You’ve learned that being apart from me causes you depression. And so you can’t simply pursue your research goals without me – not on a permanent basis – as you sense that living without me will result in existential crisis. And so, you feel stuck. You can’t live without me, but you fear that you will be alone in your pursuit of “the truth.” E. (silence) K. I believe we can work this out. And I think some of that which troubles us is based upon misconceptions of our roles as Woman and Man. What I mean is, you have your vision of what you need to do. You feel, and rightly so, that this is what God is leading you to do in your life. And I agree. That is what you need to do. You need to study all those things because your soul requires it of you. Wisdom is your primary domain and you love to live in that world. But, if I may offer, I believe you go wrong when you suggest to yourself that I will have a competing agenda, and that you’ll be alone in developing yours. Now, granted, this is how it works in the world. Because John and Mary do not share an authentic soul-heart connection, they do veer off into individual pursuits. But I do not believe that the true marriage is to work this way. Before I continue, allow me to reference a comment from the earlier writing on “giving and receiving.” Both parties to a marriage are “active” in the process. Neither of them is merely passively assisting or playing hand-maid to the other. Both of them take a leading role, but within her or his primary domain. What does this mean? I think actual expression of this will vary from couple to couple, as we’re all a little different, but we’re also substantially the same in larger outline. Here’s what I think this means: Again, Wisdom’s domain is somewhat externally oriented. He’s out there “conquering the world”, researching and gathering information, in pursuit of “the truth” and God’s mind. And Love can do that too, and often does, but what she really likes is to focus on the affective areas of relationship, marriage, family, children, home-and-hearth. These are her natural primary cravings. You recall our little joke about men and women at parties. The guys end up in the living room talking shop and things of the world, and the women sit around the kitchen table talking about marriage and family. There’s a reason for this. This doesn't mean that she can't have duties outside the home, as she can be very competent there, hold even the highest positions, and can often do better than most men; and it doesn't mean that he's hopeless working at home. It doesn't mean any of this, but only that we've been designed to receive our greatest creative joy, existential fulfillment, and best happiness, within divinely-ordained areas of activity. Concerning Mary who is often so busy outside the sphere of the home, it's usually not what she prefers. She may need to work to financially support the family, but, apart from this, it's not unusual for her to be psychologically alone in her marriage, and she may be driven to create an "alternate reality" just to give some semblance of purpose to her life. She may become active in this-or-that group, or start a business, pursue friendships, hobbies, or a second career – but, I would say, these are not necessarily at the top of her to-do list, not what she truly wants to do if she had her best choice. In many cases, she's just trying to survive loneliness. You, Elenchus, are worried that I might drift into my own world of projects, thereby shutting you out, leaving you without a “darling companion.” What you don’t perceive is that you are my agenda. I believe you're thinking, "I'll have my list of goals and you'll have your list of goals, and I'm not sure we'll get together much on this. And this is sort of like losing you." But, Elenchus - it's not like that at all. My domain is not like yours, "out there" in the world. Therefore, I won't be "out there" in competition with you. You won't be vying for my attention. There won't be a contest between our lists of goals. I am constituted such that my great desire is to ensure the happiness of my mate, my family, my house. I am Love, this is what Love does. I want to encourage, nourish, and build up those in my house, my family. It's what gives me greatest satisfaction. I have no other agenda, no other pressing projects to pursue. What I feel toward you, and how I want to live, is "receiving in a giving way" - do you understand? I will not compete with you. And I do this of my own free will - actively, not passively, as someone’s hand-maid or assistant. I play second-fiddle very badly, always out of tune. What I do, and hope to do, is part of Love’s burgeoning desire to create happiness for those under her care. It's what I want. You're concerned that I would not want to study science and math, and a hundred other subjects, with you, or maybe I'm too busy. You needn’t worry. My agenda is you. So why wouldn't I want to be with you in these things? You are my life and my desire! Concerning your quest for knowledge, I will just say, I am fully in support of your wishes. While it is true that a desire for knowledge, for spiritual growth, should be the goal of every son and daughter of God, it is also true that you have a special way, more intensely than most males, of approaching this. I'm thinking of William Aber's comment: each person uniquely reflects the heart and intelligence of the creator There is in every person some supreme idea or principle or tendency which pervades the soul ... which sentiment dominates one's entire conduct. This [particularized orientation] is a product of spiritual growth [and reflects a burgeoning of one-of-a-kind soul-riches]. Testimony from the other side via the mediumship of William W. Aber, reported in The Dawn Of Another Life (1910), READ MORE
I've long been aware, Elenchus, of your desire for knowledge; especially, as it relates to "finding the truth." You've been this way since you were a boy, and now you must absolutely insist on doing this. It is so you, this "principle which pervades" your soul. And I would never dream of interfering with your life mission, for, to do so, would be tantamount to denigrating a life-directive from God. So, you need not worry that I would be less than supportive of your life-work. But you must also be understanding of mine; which is, to build my domain of Love. And much of this will take the form of making you my agenda. I have a good mind, as good as yours, buddy, and if my mate wants my mental companionship in a quest to know God’s mind, then I am not adverse to such sentiment. Why would I be? The truth is, if you didn't want me with you to share all things, I'm not sure that would work for me in a marriage. If you were not in love with my mind, I would feel that I'm just ornamental value to you. Again, I'm in charge of my own life, I do what I want, and I choose to "build my house," my family, my domain of Love. And what I want is to be with you to explore all things. I am no one’s diffident “little woman, barefoot and pregnant.” I am a force in my own right, and that’s why you like my company. You would have no time for me if I were just some cute patsy airhead. Concerning our decisions to do this or that, I suggest that we take a lesson from an afterlife entity whom we both respect. Think of what Elizabeth Fry said; to the effect, “We do have leaders here in our service group, but not the way you do on the Earth. Ours do not give commands and order others about. No one here wants to override another, tell another what to do, we don’t think that way. Instead, when we ‘go within,’ we discover who is best to lead a certain project, and then we all defer to the competence of that person. There is no competition among us. We give way to the one best suited for the project at hand.” This provides an excellent model for all groups, not to exclude true-marriage mates. If each of us is plugged into the energies of Source, we will discern who might have the edge in terms of understanding how best to proceed in whatever we might set our hearts to do. As stated, your pursuit of the truth is God-ordained. In my sphere of Love, I also enjoy divine sanction, and, I trust, you will support me in this. To do otherwise would be counterproductive. To ignore the health of our marriage, our family, in favor of some misguided notion of pursuing the truth "with blinders on" would result in the death of the marriage and the family – and where would the ”mind of God” be then in that chaos? Yes, I may want to study some things which relate to “building my house,” but these will not compete with your work. For example, maybe I would like to study the artwork of making tapestries, to adorn floors and walls. Now, I know you like artwork, as you intend to study all the major art forms, so why wouldn’t you be interested in being with me when I look into this subject? You are not uninterested in things relating to creating a happy home, and so how could we be at odds? My point is, I don’t think we’ll have a problem with any of this. Even the Bible talks about “submitting one to the other” to further a sense of love in the marriage. This is highest wisdom as it acknowledges that God speaks through both wife and husband, and therefore we, both of us, need to be open to the directives of Spirit. You and I are Soul Twins. What does this mean? - many things, but the obvious meaning is that we effectively share a life-force of a single soul, particularly and uniquely orientated. This means that what you like, and what I like, at the depths of being, will find a certain commonality. And recall that the "inwrought adaptation", over time, will make this more and more a reality. Remember, too, the discussion of the Genesis story way back in "The Wedding Song". We learned that the first Twin couple was made female and male, separated as individuals, but only to enter into an eternal process of "traveling on," coming back together again as the sacred "one person." You have been tempted to think that I would care nothing for what interests you. But, if we are Twins, Elenchus, that's not really possible. I am you, in another form. I began this discussion by referencing “receiving in a giving way, giving in a receiving way.” Lovers are not meant to be, cannot be, in competition. Theirs is a romantic complementarity, with each of them "giving and receiving."
K. I thought I’d finished, but I think I have something to add. I’m reminded of a long-ago interview with David Bohm and he was asked, how do you know if a theory is true? And I really liked his answer. He said, you have to be constantly sensitive to any incoherence. And I guess I’m feeling just a bit of incoherence in how I left our topic. I feel that everything I said is true, but maybe the proportion of things is a little off; for, as we’ve learned, the proportion of things is just as much a fact to consider as anything else, and if we get that wrong we can seriously distort the issue. You have a desire to study the natural world in order to learn about the mind of God. But I’m very interested in those things too; and maybe I gave the impression that I'm not as interested because my domain is centered on our family. You know that I’ve always been curious about things and, in my own way, am a thoughtful person. So, I’m interested in learning about the mind of God, too. I guess what’s bothering me is any hint that something outside of “us” could be more important than who we are to each other. Now, it might be said, shouldn’t God be more important? And I would say, yes – but I don’t see this as the real issue. God is the one who made us Soul Twins, God wants us to be together, and so our very relationship is a sacrament, a form of worship, and not some frivolous add-on. And so I think any Twin couple needs to put their sacred union front and center, and not some other activity. Even, an activity like “discovering the mind of God.” Because there is nothing “out there” that could ever teach us more about ultimate reality, the mind of God, than modeling, in our spirits, Mother-Father God. This was the whole point of what Omraam Mikhael Aivanhov said. I want to be with you, and I know you want to be with me. And what I think we ought to do is to talk about all the things we might want to study and explore. Because the important thing is doing all things together. The universe is filled with knowledge, and a zillion years from now we still won’t have covered but a small fraction of God’s creation. And so our knowledge of “God’s mind” may always be incomplete, especially if we make external studies our main source of knowing God. What will do well for us is to enter our spiritual relationship, more fully, and this will reveal, more clearly, the mind of God, far more than anything else we might do. I want to do everything with you, and I want for us to make doing things together, as Darling Companions, our top priority. I don’t want “us” to be second-rate, in favor of a college course or research project. We’re going to fail, and not be happy, if we focus on the external. The most important thing is for us is to be Darling Companions, doing everything together -- this is our grand adventure of exploring all of eternal life together -- just enjoying each other's company and just talking about everything we come across. That's what I want. E. (sighing) I agree whole-heartedly.
Freedom from Illusion, Part II Freedom from Illusion, Part III Freedom from Illusion, Part IV
,See the sister-article on "Lucid Dreaming, Lucid Living."
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