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exploring self-realization, sacred personhood, and full humanity

 


Soulmate, Myself:
The Perfect Mate

Jamie and Landon, the novel

 

 

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Kairissi. I think I like the novel better than the movie. I say this because the elevated character of Jamie shines more brightly in the novel. In the movie Jamie becomes peeved with Landon and begins to write him off, but in the novel, Jamie is more longsuffering.

Elenchus. But we’re talking about a fictional character here.

K. We are, but even so I get the strong feeling that the real-life high-mindedness of sister Danielle is shining through Jamie. Here’s what I think. Nicholas is a savvy writer and wouldn’t have dared present Jamie as too “sappy good” if he’d not been “forcibly” inspired to do this by the actual example of his sister.

E. I think you might be right. I have to admit that I too was inspired by Jamie-Danielle. She doesn’t hold a grudge. She’s not easily offended. She doesn't retaliate when others persecute her. She sees the underlying best in people and addresses this better nature.

K. She truly is inspiring.

 

reprinted from the 'I need some space' writing:

K. But what if he really does desire to be with a girl like Jamie Sullivan?

you got to my soul...

E. He wants her virtue, it’s a treasure to him. It’s the beauty of God shining through her made-in-the-image agency, and, whether he's yet figured this out or not (probably not), he craves this interaction with the divine. Her radiance, her purity of spirit, her unpretentiousness, in all his eternal life, is the closest he will ever come to a face-to-face meeting with God; and he suddenly realizes that he cannot bear to live without her - if required, he'd be willing to make a fool of himself, and endure a lot more, to have her. Moreover, subliminally (he'll get to this realization), he also wants their future family, and even coming generations, to be inspired by his truly good girl. She has totally ruined and ended his devil-may-care days. He's now like the guy in the Neil Diamond song: you got control, you got to me, you got to be mine... used to slip through every girl's hands like water, never was one who could ever tie me down, straight ahead and steady as Gibraltar, 'til you brought me tumblin' to the ground, you got to me, brought me to my knees, never thought I'd say please, girl, you got me, you got to my soul...

K. "You got to my soul" means that she has now embodied all of his higher-level aspirations. This has far more long-term drawing power for a guy than a girl's body.

E. And here's another song, another fellow "brought to his knees."

K. There seems to be a lot of that going around, but only with certain girls. It’s very strange, Elenchus. The male on his knees before the girl he “worships and adores” is not uncommon in songs, movies, and literature. But when the knee is bent, it’s always in service to higher-level aspiration. No one, in the history of the world, has ever heard of a male offering heartfelt obeisance of the knee merely for a girl’s body, but primarily for her soul; and, to satisfy his own soul. Is this not utterly amazing?

I begged her, on my knees...

She’s So Respectable (1966), The Outsiders, Sonny Geraci (Don McLean, song writer)

What kind of girl is this? (What kind of girl is this?), She's never ever been kissed (what kind of girl is this?), She's never ever been in love (what kind of girl is this?), She's never been in the moonlight, watchin' the stars above, Hey tell me what kind of girl is this? (What kind of girl is this?), She's never ever been out on a date (what kind of girl is this?), What kind of girl is this? (What kind of girl is this?), She's never ever come home late (what kind of girl is this?), But I begged her on my knees to please go out with me, - and she did, Did you love her? (No, no, no, no!), Did you hug her? (No, no no no no!), Did you squeeze her? (No, no, no, no!), Did you kiss her? (No, no no no no!), What kind of girl is this? (What kind of girl is this?)…

 

 

E. (sighing) I’m not proud of myself to report that I have a weakness with grudges. It’s been said of me, by those who know me well, “Elenchus doesn’t give second chances.” Unfortunately, this has been true in my life.

K. Don’t be too hard on yourself, Elenchus – most people have some work to do in this area. But, you’re right, Jamie’s attribute of “seeing the best in everyone” is very commendable. There’s actually a lot to talk about in the novel, but I think I’d like to focus on something Jamie said.

E. I have something to say, too, but you go first.

K. I’m thinking of the conversation where they talk about what they want to do in life:

“I think you should become a minister,” she said seriously. “I think you’re good with people, and they’d respect what you have to say.”

Though the concept was absolutely ridiculous, with her I just knew it came from the heart, and she intended it as a compliment.

“Thanks,” I said. “I don’t know if I’ll do that, but I’m sure I’ll find something.” It took a moment for me to realize that the conversation had stalled and that it was my turn to ask a question.

“How about you? What do you want to do in the future?”

Jamie turned away and got a far-off gaze in her eyes, making me wonder what she was thinking…

“I want to get married,” she said quietly. “And when I do, I want my father to walk me down the aisle, and I want everyone I know to be there. I want the church bursting with people.”

“That’s all?” Though I wasn’t averse to the idea of marriage, it seemed kind of silly to hope for that as your life’s goal.

“Yes,” she said. “That’s all I want.”

E. I think there'd be not a few who’d agree with Landon about “silly.” I’m reminded of university days, there was this joke about many of the girls, that the only reason they were there was to earn their “MRS” degree.

K. Yes, that’s probably a fairly typical attitude. Marriage, as compared to becoming an engineer, teacher, or scientist, is often seen as something insubstantial. But only by the materialistically minded.

E. Let’s point out, too, that Jamie is no intellectual slouch. She doesn't need the MRS degree to have value as a person. She's a force, top shelf, and, when required, can go toe-to-toe with the best. She’s ranked as “honor society” caliber, on her way to becoming valedictorian of her class. She’s the kind of girl who knows her way around telescopes and the night sky, tech and mathematics, and, just for fun, spends her summers reading the “100 best American novels.”

K. Jamie's competence is awesome. And when a girl like her says that getting married ought to be the number one goal in life, then we should take notice and find out why.

E. I’d like you to spell this out for us, Kriss. But before you offer the details, it will be asked, what would Jamie really know about this? Does she really understand the secret and cosmic significance of marriage when there are millions on the other side who get this wrong?

K. Jamie is not a philosopher, and hasn’t studied the afterlife reports. But she’s like young Emily Bronte, intuitively writing of the passions and intricacies of authentic love, though remaining unmarried and alone to untimely death at age 30. True love is localized in higher levels of consciousness, in the soul, not the body, and might be explored via mystical avenues – but only by those of augmented awareness.

E. And even this much explains the misperceptions of John and Mary.

K. But, allow me to directly address Jamie’s desire for marriage as priority one. In the series of articles devoted to “freedom from illusion,” we came to understand that only those who “emulate Mother-Father God” are blessed with a highest degree of perspicacity. This means that only those who authentically marry, those who enjoy Twin Soul oneness, will know ultimate reality. There are many worthwhile endeavors in life, all sorts of occupations, pursuits, and quests for knowledge - but all of these must be christened as second-best, in favor of the loftiest sanity, the most accurate view of ultimate meaning and purpose, which can be attained only by the “emulation of Mother-Father God,” only by marrying for authentic love. Though Jamie had not been schooled in runic matters, she intuitively understood all this.

E. The cynics might decry the MRS status, but, when eyes start to open, we begin to see that true love and marriage become doorway to a zenith-level of wisdom and truth.

K. Elenchus, much could be offered here, but we’ve already made our case in thousands of pages. But you said you saw something especially important in the novel.

E. Yes… thank you… but I don’t think I can really convey what I saw… it hit me so forcibly.

K. Just relax and allow the words to come.

E. It’s actually related to Jamie’s priority to get married … I’d like to marry a really good and smart girl like Jamie… a girl who just wants to get married… meaning, I want to be with a girl who has no higher agenda in life … than “us.”

K. (silence)

E. There is something incredibly wonderful about being with a girl who just wants you, and needs nothing else. Now, I don’t mean that life would not be filled with all sorts of projects for work, education, service, family, and everything else. I’m not talking about living in a cave on a mountain-top. What I mean is, she will see me as “enough,” that I’m what she really wants in life and needs nothing else to make her feel whole.

K. (softly) Elenchus, in the “perfect mate” writing of nearly 25 years ago we said this:

She, as I, has her own sphere of activities, her own projects. But there is no sense of competition in any of this, as each, unilaterally, surrenders to the other, and relegates to secondary status, all things in life in favor of our One-Person devotion. These offerings of fealty - the other's prized possessions and projects - having been received, are then mutually returned, now, forever subservient and second-class to our common love; a love which ever whispers, you belong to me, I belong to you, and no one or no thing could ever be as important.

K. There's no hint of rivalry between them. They're not using each other to get some other kind of happiness. They don't see each other as stepping-stone to the real prize. They just want each other.

E. Here’s what this means to me on an emotional level. It means that my soul can enter into complete rest and security, knowing that I am cherished in her life as priority number one. I don’t have to worry that she'll need to make her career, or even the children, more important than me. It means that she will not derive her self-worth or identity as a human being from any of her projects in life. And this sense, received from her, that she wants me, just me, and that I am enough for her, that "we" are enough for her, and enough for each other - all this - makes her so incredibly attractive to me, that I feel myself to be shattering with joy.

K. (silence)

 

reprinted from the 'I need some space' writing:

K. I think you like this girl.

E. She looks like someone I know.

E. She looks like someone I know, but, even so, I don’t recognize her.

K. (silence)

E. I mean, she might score close to 100% with me on an “e-harmony” compatibility quiz. And yet, as I see her here now, I feel a certain “distance” and “emptiness.”

K. There is another girl, as well, whom you see as possessing near-perfect isomorphism to the things you want in a companion. In fact, you’ve said that, if you were to operate merely on the level of human choice, she would have been your first pick.

E. And this girl here, too, is very close to that. She offers every attribute that I highly treasure. All this, and a fine-featured beauty, what I’ve called a “sharp” beauty  – both girls do –  a beauty which is so similar to that of the one whom I do recognize.

K. We spoke of these things in the “recognition” article.

E. Yes, there’s nothing new here, and yet each time I encounter this phenomenon, I am undone. It’s as if I can’t accept this. On the level of logic and reason, this should not be possible. Common sense would say, if a girl has all the right attributes one desires, if her beauty is just what you want, then these look-alikes should be interchangeable.

K. Meaning, there should be “many pretty fish in the sea” to satisfy. If you lose one, five more will soon be coming.

E. But we know that this is not how true love and marriage works.

K. Elenchus… since we’ve discussed these ideas in another writing, what is it exactly that is particularly moving you so deeply right now?

E. I can’t get over it. I think of this girl here, and the “first choice” girl, and I compare them to you. And, at the surface of life, I see little difference.

K. (softly) Maybe there are many pretty fish in the sea.

E. That’s the illusion – and almost every John and Mary believes this. But… it’s not true… Those first two girls are incredibly beautiful, and also have spiritual and mental qualities in abundance… but why is it that I feel that sense of “distance” and “emptiness” with them… but not with you?

 

Kairissi. Our discussion of “I need some space” has bothered me for another reason. One of my fears is that you might feel this way when we transition to Summerland. I find that prospect especially unsettling because, by then, we might have waited for each other, suffered great yearning to be together, possibly, for decades, and now, finally in our home-world, we might still find that lingering doubts might keep us from getting married.

Elenchus. I have to admit, these thoughts have crossed my mind.

K. As you see us in that future time, how do we deal with this?

E. It’s difficult. We know we’re Twins. We know we can’t be with anyone else, nor do we want to be. And yet issues of trust continue to plague us.

K. Do you see yourself as unable to forgive me?

E. It’s not that so much – things that happened on the Earth-plane were just part of the confusion that beset us here.

K. Then what?

E. As you know, and as I’ve tried to explain at times, I have trouble believing that you love me as much as I love you.

K. This is the old “lop-sided love affair” thing. But you know very well, Elenchus, that I was the first one to come to you, I was the one who gushed with “extreme delight” just to be near you.

E. Yes, you’re right, and it’s unfair of me to see you in terms of “loving less.” I was the one who took forever to wake up to you, and I was the one who was too reserved and couldn’t express himself. And so now I’m accusing you of not loving me enough.

K. Why do you do this? – you know this image of me is not real.

E. I see it logically in my mind, I know what you say is right, but it’s hard for me to shake this image of you. It’s like the dark-ego has a hold on me.

K. In your vision of the future, how does this play out for us?

E. We talk about getting married. We both want to. But I find myself manufacturing doubts about you, things that might crop up after we’re married.

K. Like what?

E. Not big things, but nettlesome things. I know you love me, but I just wonder if you will love me enough. Things like, will you want your own projects so much that you won’t want to be with me in my work? This is a problem for me, because I need you to be with me in this way, and in all things, really. I just don't want to be alone anymore.

K. That sounds normal to me for somebody who’s been traumatized, for many decades, by the loss of the girl he loves.

E. There’s a story about a Japanese man who nearly died of starvation during WWII. For years after the war, so traumatized was he by the memory that he never left his house without a piece of bread in his pocket. That’s close to how I feel about you.

K. (sighing) Elenchus, I will say it to you now, and I will say it to you then, over there: I will be with you in all things, whatever you do. It’s what I want to do. You’re not going to lose me again, and I know that's your fear. But that’s not going to happen. And there will be no project that's more important than you, than “us.” If I have to, I would be willing to give up any project in order to be with you.

E. But, see, you can’t just live your life for someone else that way. You have your own work, projects you like. You need that. And I would want you to be happy that way.

K. Yes, thank you, but we're a little different in this. Your work, in the main, is “out there,” as you “conquer the world.” That’s what men tend to do. My projects, primarily, are not “out there.” My natural and major domain is Love, and this means that you, and being with you, are my focus; you and our family, our home, our future children, are my heart’s desire. And I have no other agenda but you.

E. (sighing) In my vision of that future time, you said similar things, but I still couldn’t shake what was bothering me - an image of you where I’m not of prime importance.

E. Kriss, I’ve looked at this “vision” of what might happen from different angles. I hear the words you’re saying. You’re solemnly pledging your love to me and that nothing will separate us. It should all be resolved…

K. But you still feel a degree of estrangement from me.

E. I don’t want to. I do believe in us. I want everything to be good so that we can be married right away.

K. (sighing) But… I think I understand the issue.

E. It’s what happened several years ago… those things you said to me… no one has ever been as vicious to me as you… I can still feel the blood draining from my head as I went cold when I received your message… it was the worst experience of my life… no enemy ever treated me as badly as that.

K. (silence)

E. So I don’t know what to do… part of me is not able to believe that you love me, that you'd want to be with me in all of life’s activities… I don't know how to deal with this… you've been so unpredictable, erratic and unstable, I don't know "which one of you" will show up the next time; how can I build a life around this impermanence and fluidity... how can I be with you if you do not count "us" as sacred and most important, if you change with the weather... I don’t see how we can be married until I can depend on you... and trust you… What is your advice on this?

K. I don’t know how to respond, Elenchus… all that you say is true, I did do those things, and I did hurt you in that vicious way… and I can’t blame you for not trusting me now… What does this mean for us when we get to Summerland?

E. I have been isolated and solitary for a very long time, and this has caused me much depression... I want and need to be with my darling companion… but I don’t see how we can be married until I can trust you… until then, I have to live alone.

K. Elenchus… you’ve stated your position… and I agree with you. No couple should get married with this kind of unresolved issue. It has to be sorted out… I myself, some time ago now, said that “trust is number one,” and there can be no relationship without it.

E. (silence)

K. I can’t go into it right now, but there were actually good reasons why I acted as badly as I did. It was all I could do at the time. I won’t try to explain at the moment, but, let us consider this: We know of many reports from Summerland telling us that lovers, each for the other, are able to “download” their memories. This is why the reports say, “I became her.” What this means is, you will have all the details of what happened to me, why I did what I did, what I was up against, and what was going on in me. And when you have all the facts, and are able to see everything, every little detail, “through my eyes,” then you will know my sorrows and traumas at the time, and that, in my heart of hearts, I was not disloyal to you, no matter what appeared at the surface of personality.

E. (deeply sighing) Alright then… but please allow me to be very frank here. I am willing to wait to know your true thoughts and motivations. However, I don’t mean to be unkind, but I have my doubts that you can pass this test. I don’t really believe that every bad thing you did to me can be justified. The issue remains – as I said in our “volcano” discussion, I don’t really trust you, Kriss. But, at that future time, I am willing to hear your side of things. Let me say, too, that, if you do not pass this test, it is possible to rebuild trust. It doesn’t happen quickly, but I will be willing to wait for you to redeem yourself – if you are willing to wait for me in this. In the meantime, however, until trust is established, we should not live together.

 

 

Bible commentators inform us of three classes of teachers in ancient Israel:

(1) the priests of the temple, who explained the Law to the people; (2) the prophets, who received revelations and messages from God; and (3) the wise, or the elders, older men who had learned success principles by living life.

Proverbs is a collection of aphorisms from “the wise.”

In the closing section, chapter 31, we find several verses offering instruction concerning the ideal wife and mother.

Proverbs 31:10 introduces the ideal wife and states that she is worth far more than gem stones or money in the bank.

But in verse 11 we're given a first glimpse of her commendable character:

He has full confidence in her.

Later in this section, many other stellar qualities are outlined, but they're all prefaced by a primary element of relationship with her; simply stated:

He trusts her.

Without this, nothing else matters.

 

 

Editor's note:

The issue of lingering doubt was addressed in the "certainty" and  "arrabon" articles.

 

When someone hurts or betrays us, how can we forgive in a deep sense, how can we regain an unblemished, pristine image of that person?

Allow me to draw our attention to an extremely important concept introduced in Krishnamurti's lecture of Jan 15, 1964.

He speaks of the unsullied mind, undefiled and unblemished mind. This is a mind, he says, spotless and unpolluted, that is not burdened by sordid images of the past.

And, of course, the most troublesome example here is how we view others. We see them, or might bring them to mind, and immediately recall some insult, a slighting, an infraction.

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