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Word Gems 

exploring self-realization, sacred personhood, and full humanity

Soulmate, Myself:
Omega Point

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Kairissi. Let’s preface our discussion here by highlighting the importance of “no you and no me.”

Elenchus. Word Gems has so many great principles to explore, but “no you and no me” is among the heaviest.

K. Allow me to encourage our readers to review earlier discussions of “no you and no me.” They're found in the following writings:

Touching foreheads, entering a condition of "no you and no me," a quality of sacred silence, the Dazzling Darkness, with no space or separation, an Omega-Point intimacy

Part I: Kairissi and Elenchus discuss how lovers' perceptions of existential beauty lead them to ultimate intimacy and oneness

Ego-Images, Part III: Krishnamurti said that "image-forming is a way of not getting hurt." Whether we are flattered or insulted by others, ego-images are produced. This creates the "observer and observed" and, as by-product, a sense of distance and separation, which is the source of human conflict.

K. Elenchus, it was your idea to have this new talk. What do you really want to say here that we haven’t covered before?

E. I don’t watch a lot of tv, but recently I have, and I was noticing something about the romantic relationships in many of the stories. I think the first thing I saw was that everyone is so crazy. They do everything wrong.

K. Define “crazy.”

E. In so many of the stories, for one thing, people lie to each other all the time. Now, they always have their good reasons, they usually say “I need to protect you from the knowledge of some bad thing.” And every time, eventually, the truth comes out, and now the “protected one” is always mad: “You’ve known about this for a long time, but you never said anything, so how can I trust you now?”

K. These revelations don’t go over too well – because, “You were lying to me then, so are you lying to me now?”

E. It’s a problem.

K. In the “Georgia Girl” writing, I said that “trust is number one.” Couples need to know that they can rely on each other, with no secrets.

E. And that’s another thing. In so many of these stories, they have all these secrets. Layers of secrets.

K. Abraham Lincoln once said that he wouldn’t be a very good liar because he wouldn’t be able to keep his stories straight.

E. But, in almost all of these dramas, a time comes, and it doesn’t take long, when one of them, let’s say, the guy, announces, “This isn’t working. I think we need some space for a while.”

K. Translate that for us.

E. What he’s really saying is, “We had a contract. In the ‘hiring process’ I was impressed with your resume. You had all these great attributes. I was sure you were the one to make me happy, but now I see I was wrong. I’m really disappointed, you let me down, and so I need to separate myself from you – you, the one who failed to make me happy – I need my space now.”

K. Sounds like the Green Arrow dramatically announcing to a villain, “You have failed this city!”

E. Well, the whole thing is a farce in three acts. The guy never met the real girl. He was operating on a false image of her. He doesn't really care about the girl as a person but only her ability to offer pleasure. What he's really saying is, “You were supposed to be the perfect girl, with a hundred golden attributes, all to make me happy. You had one job to do, but you didn’t do it.”

K. Elenchus, I would like to say, too, that, in so many of these stories, girl and boy meet, they have one or two dates, and now they’re already sleeping together. And I think it’s so trite and airhead when they soon say, “Are we moving too fast”?

E. "Moving too fast" is code-language for "this doesn't seem right, it doesn't feel like real love, we're focusing only on the physical, and I still feel really empty because there's no union of spirits."

K. It’s just part of the unwise culture we live in today.

E. No thought is given to any of the important principles we’ve learned. The average couple, as the phrase is used, is just “following their bellies,” mere sensual gratification. What they don’t realize is, if a relationship is based upon “I can’t wait to sleep with you,” then disillusionment comes to them all the faster – because nothing that’s physically oriented can satisfy on a deeper level.

K. And now they’re making little speeches to each other, “I think we moved too fast, we need some space.” And so what happened to the “perfect resume” and “you were meant to make me happy forever”? Is “forever” over already?

E. All of this really bothered me as I watched these vacuous dramas.

K. Does anyone ever ask the question, “So, what happens if you’re not my real mate, and what if sleeping together after one drink or one dinner turns out to be a really bad idea? And what if I meet my actual best mate later on, and now he’s pretty disgusted that I was so easily led into bed by some random jerk-wad? What if he sees me as your average Saturday night floozie - or, almost as bad, what if I want that white-picket fence and those 'Christmas mornings for tots' so much that I sell my soul for it? - women can want these things too much and don't realize that if you try to get them by compromising deepest intuitions, it will not work out well for you. Later the true mate might not be totally impressed with all this buying-and-selling of oneself. What if he now 'wants to think about it'? and says he's not thrilled with the prospect of building a life with someone who has no concept of right and wrong. What if he says to me, "Ok, I understand being with someone in my absence, but why did you agree to be with a knavish buffoon like that, so incommensurate to your aesthetic sensibilities? What is wrong with you? Have you no good judgment at all? You're like a foolish child lured by candy and baubles. How can I be with you now?" All this, made all the worse, by his heart's desire -- something non-negotiable for him -- to be with a virtuous girl like Jamie Sullivan - whose excellent character, excellent mind, excellent disposition toward life, would be an inspiration, not just to him but to future children; yes, once he knows this 'Jamie girl' exists or the possibility of her, it's all non-negotiable now.

And so, what if he won't forgive me? or, isn't able to, because our problem runs deeper than absolution. Could I really blame him for stepping back? What if our destined love is delayed a hundred or two hundred years until he's convinced that I can be trusted? - my reputation nearly-indelibly tarnished now, because I wouldn't wait for true love, and needed to feel good about myself by being 'chosen'. What will I do then? ... What will I say to him when I have to look him in the eyes? ... How will I convince him that I'm not just a goodtime-charlene or a needy-nellie ... when I can't even convince myself?"

E. Perhaps I can feel the energy of the true mate in your example. Let me tell you why he’s so mad. When he says that he always wanted to be with a girl like Jamie Sullivan, what he’s really saying is that he wants to “worship and adore” the girl he marries. But he can’t do that if his would-be bride is immature and not yet worthy of that kind of veneration. If she’s half-baked, unprepared, unstable, without good moral sense, then he can’t have confidence in her for a life together. So he has to draw back.

K. (sighing) What can be done for them?

E. If two are meant to be together, I believe they eventually will come together, but the unwise actions of one, or both, could set them back many years, even, a very long time, of personal suffering - before trust is built, forgiveness is found, along with a kindling of a certain admiration for doing the right thing. This could take a while.

K. There are some unpleasant, unintended consequences for not trusting, for not waiting for, God to arrange for the true mate to come into one's life.

E. It's a question of timing and personal growth. But almost everyone has made a mess of this; almost everyone, as Spirit Guide Margaret stated, has sinned against holy romance and true love. And this is why almost everyone is suffering in ill-fitting relationships.

K. In a materialistic society, people don't believe there'll be an eventual accounting for one's actions.

E. When the knowledge of Summerland is discarded, people forget, or don't want to acknowledge, that someday you will have to face your true mate and give an accounting of yourself. He may not be pleased - especially, if he waited for you.

K. Some people take comfort to learn that there's no "angry sky-god" over there to judge us. What they don't know is that the proverbial sky-god could be a pushover compared to the one who loves you most. He has no sense of humor, at all, about certain things.

E. He will not be amused by her self-destruction. Don't be surprised if he's not just disgusted but - outraged and repulsed - by negligent conduct during his absence; things that need not have occurred, if we hadn't lived a faithless life and pursued pleasure as an end in itself. 

K. But, the question will be asked, is this fair?

E. Some will object with, "How could I have known?" The true mate might answer, "You always sensed my presence in your spirit, we were always in contact, we were never separated, part of you always knew I was out there, waiting for you, part of you knew better, but you decided to shut me out and choose immediate gratification. And what am I supposed to do now? You say, forgive me. I do forgive you, but that doesn't really help us. How do I know, how do you know, that you won't revert to the untoward way at the first temptation?"

K. It's an important point. Character is not built in a day, people don't change overnight, and before any destined two might be ready for the eternal marriage, there'll be some overdue homework to hand in.

E. But, allow me to speak of practical consequences: Ancient Spirit Guides inform us that everyone has a Twin Soul, and that everyone will yet enter the true love and marriage. However, from thousands of afterlife reports we learn that almost everyone, upon crossing over, resumes the Earth relationships.

K. If you were married on Earth, you’ll tend to keep the marriage going in Summerland.

E. These marriages were not deliriously happy on Earth and a change of zip-code will not spruce them up. But the majority stumble on with lackluster unions even on the other side.

K. So, what is happening here?

E. Many continue with what is familiar even if they’re not happy. They're afraid of change, afraid of being alone, afraid of looking bad - even over there. A long time ago they came together for unspiritual, insubstantial reasons, and now those early errors are enshrined with an ersatz respectability in Summerland.

K. What we’re really saying is that most people on the Earth are not living from the “inner riches,” have not discovered the “true self,” and the fall-out of this immaturity still dogs them over there.

E. You can't turn this big ship around so easily. Mental chains of habit are very sturdy. And couples will continue in this malaise of marriage unsatisfactoriness until their misery grows and grows, leading them to existential crisis.

K. Disillusionment becomes the doorway to wisdom and enlightenment.

E. Worn down by so much unhappiness, they eventually seek for God and the inner path. The point is this: Living a life of pursuing immediate pleasure can take one on a very long journey, lasting hundreds of years, until the true love and marriage is finally found.

K. This is not what people want to hear when they surrender themselves after one dinner together, or when the bar closes for the night.

E. (sighing) In the past, I did some things I speak out against now. I'm not proud of it. None of it made me happy. Part of me knew it was wrong, but one gets swept up into the hot moment, and you forget everything you knew. It’s been many years now, but I still stand aghast at myself... I did things that were not part of my personal code... because I just wanted to feel good and be happy... but I never did find happiness... that's why I'm such a **** expert on all this now.

K. But what if he really does desire to be with a girl like Jamie Sullivan?

you got to my soul...

E. He wants her virtue, it’s a treasure to him. It’s the beauty of God shining through her made-in-the-image agency, and, whether he's yet figured this out or not (probably not), he craves this interaction with the divine. Her radiance, her purity of spirit, her unpretentiousness, in all his eternal life, is the closest he will ever come to a face-to-face meeting with God; and he suddenly realizes that he cannot bear to live without her - if required, he'd be willing to make a fool of himself, and endure a lot more, to have her. Moreover, subliminally (he'll get to this realization), he also wants their future family, and even coming generations, to be inspired by his truly good girl. She has totally ruined and ended his devil-may-care days. He's now like the guy in the Neil Diamond song: you got control, you got to me, you got to be mine... used to slip through every girl's hands like water, never was one who could ever tie me down, straight ahead and steady as Gibraltar, 'til you brought me tumblin' to the ground, you got to me, brought me to my knees, never thought I'd say please, girl, you got me, you got to my soul...

K. "You got to my soul" means that she has now embodied all of his higher-level aspirations. This has far more long-term drawing power for a guy than a girl's body.

E. And here's another song, another fellow "brought to his knees."

K. There seems to be a lot of that going around, but only with certain girls. It’s very strange, Elenchus. The male on his knees before the girl he “worships and adores” is not uncommon in songs, movies, and literature. But when the knee is bent, it’s always in service to higher-level aspiration. No one, in the history of the world, has ever heard of a male offering heartfelt obeisance of the knee merely for a girl’s body, but primarily for her soul; and, to satisfy his own soul. Is this not utterly amazing?

I begged her, on my knees...

K. As a girl matures, she begins to see the vapidity and vacuousness of earlier desires and methods. What good is it to be “popular,” to appease the fickle peer-group; or to be “chosen” by some guy if he’s not right for you, if he isn’t able to “worship and adore” you? A girl absolutely needs this kind of intense devotion to fully develop and unfold her inner potential for love, mate, and family.

K. She desires to be that shining star of virtue for him, to inspire him in his life – but - how could any of this be possible if she hasn’t been so excellent and virtuous?

E. There’ll be much of that, guys and gals. But, I think, if he really craves to be with a Jamie Sullivan, then this means that she has the capacity to be exactly what he wants. Twins, eventually, always get what they want. They were made to want certain things in a mate, factory-installed proclivities. She was custom-crafted, just for him, as he was, for her. Like unexpressed DNA, she’ll have hidden reserves, unmanifested potentialities, to yet present every superlative he longs to venerate. As we've said elsewhere, he doesn't even know what he truly wants until she, in her perfected state, offers it to him.

K. But will he really see her that way? Or will he see her in the old way, when she was compromising and unwisely negotiating for that “white picket fence”?

E. Eventually, he will see her in that new perfected way; but, it could take a while to repair a tarnished image. In some difficult, or very difficult, cases, this is where the “two hundred years” comes in. Some couples will forgive each other fairly quickly and put the past behind them, but some will require themselves to take the long road home.

K. It's not easy to build iron-clad trust in a weekend. And I suppose there’s a reason why, in the “lower levels” of Summerland, no one has even heard of the Twin Soul marriage.

E. They could know about it, and a lot of other things, but so many new-comers there don't really wanna know.

K. They'll wanna know later, when the 3 AM confessions start to boil over.

K. I think you like this girl.

E. She looks like someone I know.

E. She looks like someone I know, but, even so, I don’t recognize her.

K. (silence)

E. I mean, she might score close to 100% with me on an “e-harmony” compatibility quiz. And yet, as I see her here now, I feel a certain “distance” and “emptiness.”

K. There is another girl, as well, whom you see as possessing near-perfect isomorphism to the things you want in a companion. In fact, you’ve said that, if you were to operate merely on the level of human choice, she would have been your first pick.

E. And this girl here, too, is very close to that. She offers every attribute that I highly treasure. All this, and a fine-featured beauty, what I’ve called a “sharp” beauty  – both girls do –  a beauty which is so similar to that of the one whom I do recognize.

K. We spoke of these things in the “recognition” article.

E. Yes, there’s nothing new here, and yet each time I encounter this phenomenon, I am undone. It’s as if I can’t accept this. On the level of logic and reason, this should not be possible. Common sense would say, if a girl has all the right attributes one desires, if her beauty is just what you want, then these look-alikes should be interchangeable.

K. Meaning, there should be “many pretty fish in the sea” to satisfy. If you lose one, five more will soon be coming.

E. But we know that this is not how true love and marriage works.

K. Elenchus… since we’ve discussed these ideas in another writing, what is it exactly that is particularly moving you so deeply right now?

E. I can’t get over it. I think of this girl here, and the “first choice” girl, and I compare them to you. And, at the surface of life, I see little difference.

K. (softly) Maybe there are many pretty fish in the sea.

E. That’s the illusion – and almost every John and Mary believes this. But… it’s not true… Those first two girls are incredibly beautiful, and also have spiritual and mental qualities in abundance… but why is it that I feel that sense of “distance” and “emptiness” with them… but not with you?

Editor's note:

Above, Kairissi commented that “you got to my soul" means a girl has now embodied all of a guy’s higher-level aspirations.

Also, the issue of lingering doubt was addressed in the "certainty" and  "arrabon" articles.