|
Word Gems
exploring self-realization, sacred personhood, and full humanity
Soulmate, Myself:
Omega Point
| On the WG site, the issue of spiritual maturity is often addressed. How is it to be obtained? – not from 100,000 reincarnational lives but in “one timeless moment of clarity.” However, in this grand cosmic instant, what exactly is the “clarity,” what are we to become aware of? |
return to "contents" page
|
Editor’s prefatory comment:
I hadn’t reviewed “Love And Awakening” for many years and, upon doing so, was impressed all over again by Dr. Welwood’s insights into the nature of authentic romantic love.
what is the reason
Below, you’ll find discussion by Kairissi and Elenchus exploring Welwood’s central question:
“What is a couple? What is the purpose of two people committing themselves to a life together, beyond just raising children or making a cozy home? What are two people who love each other really meant to do together? [more than] looking to one another for pleasure, comfort, and need-gratification.”
In a few thousand pages on WG, I might mention, there is nothing in Welwood’s fine treatise which has not already been addressed. Even so “Love And Awakening” has a way of poetically stating truths so grand and wonderful that one cannot hear them explicated too often. In certain respects, I think Dr. Welwood’s discourse is just about the best available.
There may be one or two points on which I could offer small objection, and K&E will speak to these near the end, but, overall, I don’t want to detract from Dr. Welwood’s excellent work. I see the following as a valuable restatement of profound eternal truths which shall guide us for a very long time to come.
|
Elenchus. “The Wedding Song” also poses Welwood’s central question: “What is the reason for becoming man and wife?”
Kairissi. The Song's answer was "the love that brings you life." Well, this doesn't tell us too much but TWS fleshes out this phrase in a hundred pages. So, tell me, Elenchus, does Welwood arrive at the same answer?
E. I think he does, but from another angle. We'll need to talk about this.
K. You know, this whole subject of the meaning of love and how it evolves us is so important and so interesting. I’m reminded of what Gibran said about this, which we’ve quoted elsewhere:
authentic romance, the best means toward self-realization
There is one avenue to the sublime which opens the door to the soul widest of all. As we learn from Kahlil Gibran, via his biographer, "love is a means - perhaps the best means - to self-realization, without which one is less than a full person"; which suggests that we find our godlike maturity only with love's mediation. This augmented level of sentience is what "The Wedding Song" refers to as lovers "giving life," each to the other. Such reciprocity becomes aid to evolvement, an opening of the eyes to how things truly are and what they portend for us.
The sacred beloved, more than any other agent of vivification, serves as catalyst to this enhanced awareness. With her, one “sees nothing but eternity,” a cosmic destiny unfurled, an invitation to the mind of God; without her, he will not find reason to fully develop himself.
She is the one he stays alive for; it is she, her "made in the image" beauty, which ignites "the translucence," a shining through, "of the eternal splendor of the One" and of the Truth; and without receipt of such he will not endure the terror of living forever.
E. We could say, Gibran wraps it all up for us – which begs the question, why should we review Welwood’s work if no new ground is plowed. But I speak as a fool.
an elegant and well-phrased restatement from Welwood
K. Gibran might offer us a stellar work of art in his synopsis, but this doesn’t mean we’re not interested in other works of art. There’s always room for one more marvelous painting. And this is what Welwood offers us: an elegant and well-phrased restatement, arguably, of the most compelling subject in the world: the meaning and nature of authentic romantic love.
E. As you like to say – oh, that little thing.
K. Right. We can never learn all there is to learn, especially from one teacher, on any important subject, and so we welcome and eagerly invite Welwood’s offering here.
E. So, where to begin?
K. Let’s say a word more about his central question:
“What is a couple? What is the purpose of two people committing themselves to a life together, beyond just raising children or making a cozy home? What are two people who love each other really meant to do together? [more than] looking to one another for pleasure, comfort, and need-gratification.”
E. This is a question that has been asked for a long time…
|
|
- The Rascals,
- What Is The Reason
What is the reason for falling in love, what is the reason for falling in love, is it a place to go when you are feeling low, is it the thing to do, when you are feeling blue... no, it's you, it's only you... tell me, what is the reason for falling in love, is it because they say things should be that way, is it the magic key that opens ecstasy... no, it's you, it's only you ...
|
K. Is there another reason?
E. That’s a good point. One hundred thousand love songs seem to agree with you. It's what preoccupies us, what everyone wants to know.
K. Let’s talk about the question, “What is a couple?” What most people would say is, it’s a way to be happy, it’s seeking for pleasure.
E. And there’s nothing wrong with that, as far as it goes. And yet, as we look around, we see all these many couples, seeking for happiness, for pleasure, but they all seem to fall short.
K. Welwood, the clinical psychologist tells us why. Let’s look at some of his thoughts on this -- direct quotations and paraphrasations:
saying no to pain, saying no to ourselves
|
Dr. John Welwood:
Our first response to emotional pain is to flinch. This becomes a problem when we take refuge in this contraction and identify with it. It feels safer to be a closed fist than a vulnerable open hand. This protective tightening becomes installed in the body-mind as a set of rigid defense mechanisms. These cut us off from feelings and thus shut down a capacity to respond to life freely and openly. In our attempt to say no to pain, we wind up saying no to ourselves. This becomes a core wound to haunt us. We start to separate from our own being…
The false-self as soul-cage: Forged in pain avoidance, the soul’s long, hard detour begins in childhood as we close off the vast potentials of our being and take up residence in a tiny, one-room flat. This confining room is the ego or conditioned personality. One’s outward persona develops as a strategy to adapting to a world hostile to our needs and desires. For example, if our need for love has been frustrated, we may construct a façade of pretending not to have any needs. Eventually, falling for our own propaganda, we start to believe that we really don’t need love. Such beliefs create a distorted picture of reality…
Not only do these illusions create distorted images of ourselves and the world, the false self is also a soul-cage, which prevents us from knowing who we really are or living freely and expansively.
|
K. I’ll tell you what this reminds me of. Welwood is recapitulating 60 years of Krishnamurti’s lectures. It’s all about the “ego images” and the “false self.” We get hurt by life, we hunker down, we adopt a personality to deal with the pain. In the end, we believe that this reduced version of ourselves is the real us.
E. But it’s all a distortion. And so when love comes knocking, we get spooked. We don't know how to deal with this in the right way.
true love requires us to give up who we think we are
|
Dr. John Welwood:
If we harbor an image of ourselves as unlovable, then when the opportunity arises to be loved for who we really are, we won’t know how to handle it. Even though this is what we truly long for, it also frightens us to death – the death of the ego – as it threatens our whole false-self identity. To allow love free access to our minds and hearts will require us to give up who we think we are.
|
K. When love comes calling, our inner “divided” person is thrown into bold relief. It’s then that we find out what we’ve been trying to hide.
love opens the doors to long-barred sections of the soul
|
Dr. John Welwood:
The doors of our one-room flat fling open, and we feel excited about the possibility of reinhabiting the larger palace of our being. However, as we expand in love, we start to encounter the closed-off sections of ourselves. There are no lights but only cobwebs in the newly-discovered areas. This feels dangerous and threatening to us. We begin to recoil. In extreme cases, it is the proverbial groom with “cold feet” before the wedding wanting to back out; it is the “runaway bride” who leaves him standing at the altar.
Finding ourselves means freeing ourselves from the conditioned personality, the dysfunctional ego, and becoming the authentic individual that we are called to be. (Individual literally means undivided, that is, having access to the full range of our powers and potentials, instead of living divided against ourselves.)
Like the sun’s rays that cause the seed to stir within its husk, love’s radiant energy penetrates the façade of the false self, calling forth resources hidden deep within us. Its warmth wakes up the life inside us, making us want to uncurl, to give birth, to grow and reach for the light. It calls on us to break out of our shell, the conditioned-personality husk surrounding the seed potential of all that we could be.
READ MORE on the 'germination' of the soul.
|
E. And this is why relationships can make us feel out of control; why it's sometimes said, "you bring out the worst in me."
K. You say the nicest things.
we find the true mate via a detour into 'the long dark night of the soul'
|
Dr. John Welwood:
True love requires great daring. It is more than light in our life but also a confrontation with the darkness within – a willingness to enter the “long dark night of the soul”. This is why it is not unknown for lovers to lament, “You bring out the worst in me.”
As innocent young children, what we are shines forth in a simple, spontaneous way. As we grow and encounter pain in our lives, we cut ourselves off from core being. Our soul recognizes those – or, the one – who can help us to regain ourselves. However, even though we might feel instantly attracted to a soul-mate, the ego within also senses the threat to the conditioned self. We know that the soul-mate can stir and shake us up. This is what the ego fears and resists.
|
E. All of this helps us understand the universal problems associated with love relationships. Welwood does a good job outlining the pitfalls and causes. But where he really shines, I think, is his discussion of the glory and majesty of love. He poses a new question:
what is it about love that we find so compelling
|
Dr. John Welwood:
What is it that we enjoy most about falling in love? What makes it feel so wonderful, so powerful and compelling? What does it give to us that we value beyond all else?
|
K. This is the subject of 100,000 love songs. We’re all so mesmerized by the uplifting feelings of romantic impulse.
feeling awake and alive, to ourselves
|
Dr. John Welwood:
When we are in love, we become more fully present, more connected with ourselves and the world around us. Something in us relaxes. Our usual cares and distractions fade into the background, and we feel more awake and alive. We experience what it is like just to be present, just to be ourselves … it opens us to our larger being.
“Be-ing means resting in the flow of presence, which is awake, open, and responsive to reality – described by the Christian mystic Meister Eckhart as now-flowing… That is why falling in love feels like coming home – it helps us enter the flow of being, which is the only true and reliable resting place we can find on this earth.”
“Love inspires us to relax into the blessed flow of our being. That is why we value it so. What we most cherish with our loved ones are experiences of just being together. [During these times] we’re simply present – being ourselves, and sharing the richness of that with someone we love. Not so much being together as being together.”
|
E. Kriss, we have often stated how much we enjoy simply being together, just doing everything together; much of the time this desire for what we call "darling companionship" outweighs even the compulsion for physical intimacy.
K. And now Welwood helps us understand.
E. More than being together, it's being together.
K. A good deal of the misunderstanding here relates to the source of our joy. We think it’s in the other person. It’s actually not but comes from within our own souls.
true love unleashes something vast and boundless
|
Dr. John Welwood:
“Our culture teaches us a great deal about having and doing, but very little about this kind of being. When we focus on a relationship as something to have, it becomes something to hold on to, a box with walls, rather than something vast and boundless. When we focus on relationship as something to do, it becomes busy and effortful – which destroys its freshness and spontaneity. Beyond all the particular things two people have and do together, their deepest connection is the quality of being they experience in each other’s presence… [W]hen lovers lose the grace of heightened presence and become caught up in the distractions of daily life, the joy of relating to each other soon starts to fade.”
Relationships can thrive only if they reflect and promote our true nature. Do you really want a partnership that reflects and promotes only your personality, your concepts and beliefs about yourself – what you think you are? This is an unconscious relationship, based on ignoring and denying aspects of yourself. A conscious relationship is one that calls forth who you really are. It is dedicated to truth, rather than chasing after illusory images.
|
K. In our writings and discussions we have often said that true mates are God’s gifts to each other to help them mature and evolve spiritually. I think Welwood does a wonderful job explaining why this is so.
sacred alliance: heart versus soul connection
|
Dr. John Welwood:
“A soul connection is a resonance between two people who respond to the essential beauty of each other’s individual natures, behind their facades, and who connect on this deeper level… It is a sacred alliance whose purpose is to help both partners discover and realize their deepest potentials. While a heart connection lets us appreciate those we love just as they are, a soul connection opens up a further dimension – seeing and loving them for who they could be, and for who we could become under their influence… Someone who loves us can often see our soul potential more clearly than we can ourselves.”
Two beings who have a soul connection desire, indeed, are compelled, to engage in a full, free-ranging dialogue with each other. However, when I place some part of myself as off-limits to discussion, I am essentially saying, “I refuse to be conscious in this place. Stay out.” This makes her feel that we do not have an unconditional connection. The ego does not want to have its cover blown; it wants to live in darkness. If we identify with this cover, we not only erode relationship but we ourselves remain alienated from who we really are. The true mate sees who we truly are and will enter into “sacred combat” to free her lover from his lower nature. She will not “go along to get along” when it comes to the sanity of her mate.
|
E. As I survey all this material, I ask myself, what is really holding us back from finding true love? Well, there is the issue of being spiritually mature enough to enter authentic relationship, but, in a practical sense, I think it comes down to this: We judge ourselves to be unworthy, defective, undeserving of love. We don’t like the idea of introspection and “going within” because we’re terrified that we’ll find out we’re really a bad person.
K. We have often said, however, that the true mate, each for the other, reveals the beauty of the face of God.
|
channeled information from Summerland, as reported in Excursions to the Spirit World by Frederick C. Sculthorp: He had learned how to astral travel and had visited his departed wife on the other side:
“My first actual meeting with my wife [was] … deeply imprinted on my mind. The indescribable spiritual perfection that I saw in my wife when we were face to face, the sacred intensity of the high vibration, and the later explanation of ‘God's image’ caused me a great deal of quiet thought for days afterwards. I somehow knew that it was one of the eternal and unfailing spirit laws and that it was simple and natural… When I met my wife and our auras intermingled, there was a beautiful and gentle harmony, and we both thought alike and as one mind… In that wonderful meeting there were no thoughts of self. Each thought of the welfare of the other… ‘God's image’ I can still only describe as perfection.”
|
the true mate's 'made in the image' capacities allows one to access the 'beatific vision'
|
Dr. John Welwood:
We all want a mate to see our intrinsic beauty and goodness. However, most of us cannot recognize or appreciate this even in ourselves. Instead, we see ourselves in terms of a false self-image. Enlightened relationship cannot commence until one sees the essential beauty and goodness of one’s own inner person. Until we accept ourselves in terms of the “inner riches,” we might distrust, or even reject, someone who professes to love us: “If you really knew who I am, who wouldn’t love me!”
|
K. This fear of gathering evidence of one's own unworthiness keeps people crazy. It’s a fear that’s part of the ego’s conditioned self. We believe our own propaganda. We sabotage a relationship because we deem ourselves to be unlovable.
the rushing sense of the beauty of one's own soul
E. Now, let’s notice the contrast. When we “fall in love” the conditioned self is temporarily broken. And what happens? All this radiant, bursting energy, long locked up in the soul, comes streaming out! We find someone who helps us know our own value. And now the floodgates are torn down and there’s a rushing sense of good will – about oneself. We’ve never felt this before, and it’s so intoxicating.
K. Well, the ego isn’t going to take this lying down and so, very quickly, it regathers itself to send out “fake news” that we’re no-good after all.
E. Even so, this “backsliding” constitutes an invitation from God/the Universe to enter the self-cleansing process of the “long dark night of the soul.”
K. Elenchus, so much could be said here, but we’ve already said it in thousands of other pages. But what I want to emphasize, as you just did, is the fact that true love unleashes one’s “soul energies” as nothing else. And it just feels so good to feel good. And what is the nature of this well-being? It’s a perception of one’s own inherent “made in the image” godliness – delivered courtesy of one’s Twin Soul.
|
I don't have anything, since I don't have you
Since I Don't Have You
|
I don't have plans and schemes
I don't have hopes and dreams
I don't have anything
since I don't have you
I don't have fond desires
I don't have happy hours
I don't have anything
since I don't have you...
|
READ MORE
|
E. We were to briefly comment on an item or two where we might disagree with Welwood.
K. Why don’t you do that, Elenchus.
E. (sighing) Well, I don’t want to make much of it as there’s so much value in his book. However, at times the good doctor makes statements to the effect, “we can bring forth” or “forging an authentic connection” or “when the relationship begins to feel too familiar” or other expressions of dwindling human affection or effort. To this end, he discusses how eventually the best relationships tend to lose their fizz and then one must shore up the defenses.
K. And now we enter the realm of “after the fireworks, you have to work on your marriage.” But you and I know that it doesn’t play out that way, not an atom.
E. In the true love, there is no “forging,” no “bringing forth,” there is no “working on the marriage”; not really, not the way they mean it.
Kahlil Gibran: "It is wrong to think that love comes from long companionship and persevering courtship. Love is the offspring of spiritual affinity and unless that affinity is created in a moment, it will not be created for years or even generations." Not only is it created in a moment - you either have it or you don't - but cannot be uncreated.
K. You and I know too well what this means. In our history, we endured many rocky periods during which we were very angry with each other and, truth be told, if what we had together were a function of mere human effort, mere bio-stimulation, we would have flushed each other away a long time ago.
E. We tried to do that, many times. I tried to get rid of you for years, I was so angry. I mean, I really worked at it. But… there was “no getting over you.”
heaven and earth might pass away, but true love, part of God's own mind and essence, will remain right where it is
E. In the real love, you don’t have to do anything, it will take you for a ride and not let you go, it will "forge" you, it will "work on" you. Yes, you can delay, you can make yourself miserable and angry, but this doesn’t mean that you’ll be getting rid of her. In the real love, you’re connected – absolutely, truly, not just as a poetic statement – connected at the soul level, and there’s no way to break that connection. Heaven and earth will pass away, but Jesus’ dictum of the “marriage of two souls which cannot be sundered” remains unviolated.
K. Oh, that little thing.
what is the 'timeless moment of clarity'
E. So, tell me, Kriss, here at the end - we often speak of "one moment of cosmic clarity" which evolves the soul. But just what is the "clarity" of that stupendous moment?
K. I think it's the timeless moment of realization, a blazing instant of "open eyes" - a first moment of new-creation - to perceive oneself as a son or daughter of God... basking in the warming reality that... love is real, love is eternal, love is our divine heritage.
Everything that has a beginning is also subject to an ending.
But there exists a domain beyond the reach of time’s degradation. There, things simply exist, eternally, have always been, have no opposite, no duality, and do not suffer loss.
|