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Word Gems 

exploring self-realization, sacred personhood, and full humanity

Soulmate, Myself:
Omega Point

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Kairissi. You've been acting strange. There's something on your mind about this song.

Elenchus. I've liked it for years, but lately - it just hit me hard.

K. I know you want to talk this out, but, tell me, what's the general message of "Sister Golden Hair"?

E. It's about a guy who has trouble committing to love. This is a problem for him because he's now realized he's crazy about a certain girl: "And I just can’t live without you, can’t you see it in my eyes?"

K. But he tried to run and hide from her: "I been one poor correspondent, and I been too, too hard to find."

E. He's "depressed" about the whole situation but can't get her out of his head: "Well, I keep on thinkin’ ’bout you, sister golden hair surprise." 

K. Elenchus... all this is fairly common. Why did you feel the need to talk about this?

E. One word in the song stopped me cold: "surprise." From this guy's point of view, he thought love was something he could take or leave. When he first met that girl, he brushed it off, said he was in control, tried to act detached and cool.

K. "Well I tried to fake it, I don’t mind sayin’, I just can’t make it."

E. It didn't work out the way he imagined.

K. (softly) Elenchus... were you "surprised" with me?

E. There's a second word, too, that has meaning for me. He called her "sister."

K. (silence)

E. You and I had a lot of contact during the growing-up years.

K. (sighing) I wasn't much different than a sister to you.

E. I never used that term, but psychologically, this is true.

K. I was the sister you didn't care for so much - like Shel Silverstein's "Sister For Sale."

E. And so, when you came to me at 13, I didn't know what to make of it. I had never looked upon you in the way that you were intimating.

K. (silence)

E. In the "repression" article, I talked about my "volcano" incident. At age 14, I heard that you'd gone out with a senior. And I was not prepared for my internal response.

K. You were overtaken by gigantic "surprise"; some of it, that I had dated someone, but, the really big surprise was your own outsized reaction.

E. I couldn't get over it. I couldn't calm down. All of this stuff came out of me, from very deep below... I tried to talk myself out of what I was feeling because, as I advised myself, you meant nothing to me.

K. (silence)

E. I shouldn't go on about this. I'm not sure why I wanted to talk about it. It was many decades ago, and nobody cares.

K. (very softly) But... you care, don't you... because... in your spirit, this moment, it's still scorching you red-hot... as if you'd heard the news ten minutes ago.

E. (deeply sighing, softly weeping)

K. (smiling) But, you may have noticed, my hair is not golden.

E. I always liked your hair – I liked it even before I knew I liked it. In the early years, especially, your hair-style always signified, to me, “ready for action,” or, as you like the phrase, “ready to go.” Subliminally, I always loved this portent of adventurous darling companionship. But, concerning the color, well, I wouldn’t know about that. When I look at you, it’s like looking into the face of the Sun, and I’m too dazzled to see much more. The color of your hair is shimmering-glistening-sparkling radiance – for me, it always has been.

K. (small smile)

K. As we close here, if I may, I have a short message to the “Marys” of the world. I am well qualified to advise, as, for a long time, I was a card-carrying member of the club. But let me say this: If you, and your feminine radar, have caught a glimpse of who your destined one is, do not be overly dismayed if he hasn’t yet gotten the memo. This is more than normal; almost always, lovers are out-of-phase. But if his inner vibrational soul-energies precisely match your own, then, he has nowhere to go, eventually, but back to you. See my full discussion of this here. In the meantime, you must trust, and follow, your best sacred intuitions.

do not do what I did

Do not do what I did. Do not attempt to find a substitute for your non-responsive friend during his time of spiritual minority. Do not listen to the ego's chatterings of "I need someone, right now, to accept me, so I can feel good about myself"; "I need to find someone now to 'make me happy' so I can have that white-picket fence and Christmas mornings for tots." If you succumb to these misdirected, misguided wishes -- ill-conceived, before the right time, with the wrong person, for the wrong reasons, if you sell yourself for ego-gratification, if you betray the rights of your true mate, who is silent party to, but never absent from, these proceedings --

'sins against holy romance and the true marriage'

then, and I speak now most gravely and most solemnly, I guarantee -- or, as they say on the street, I "guaran-damn-tee" it -- that you will succeed only in immersing yourself in profound and unremitting pain and misery. For the next hundred years, it won't go away, always haunting you. It will be the biggest, the most monumental, mistake of your inauspicious life. It will hurt so much because, apart from honoring God, you were made to do one thing, and that's the one thing you didn't do, and your spirit will not soon let you forget it. And you will not recover from the fallout of this gross error, these "sins against holy romance" as Spirit Guide Margaret warns -- the mental torment, the self-flagellation, the guilt and endless sorrow, the disquieting sense of abrogating duty to build one's "true house," the terror of doubting that one's true mate cannot quite forgive you -- all this, a strong possibility, that you will not recover, even, until well into the afterlife. Trust me here, and mark it in bold red.

And as you wait for him to “wake up” to who you are, God and the Universe will also require, of you, a “long dark night of the soul” of introspective evolutionary change. If you resist this mandate, from God, for your own spiritual transformation, again, you will create chaos and blindness, more insanity, in your life. During this time of spiritual practice, your eyes will open further, and you won't always like what you find out about the "dark side" of yourself - but the gains won thereby will yet allow you, at the right time, to help both your wayward friend, and your future family and house, to be established, to find their godly place in the cosmic scheme of things. But you must wait for God's timing in all this. Do not worry about his seemingly comatose ways. While he may suffer in his dullness for a long time, or a very long time, it's a temporary disability. 

salvation and resurrection

You must wait for your salvation; if need be, even to the next life. Recall my own tear-stained story, and see how he was finally brought to me, awakened to me. I now realize, we must wait not just for salvation but for resurrection. As it was in my case, he was like one returning from the dead, long given up as utterly lost to me -- I never thought he would come back to me, or that I'd ever see him again! -- but he did return, God brought him to me, one minute before midnight, even against his adamant will, in spite of settled anger and sometimes rage, even when he wanted nothing more to do with me, just to be rid of me, forever. But God brought him to me, "dragged him, kicking and shouting," but then enveloped him in a mystical experience, and suddenly, like an immediate Damascus Road transformation, his eyes were opened to me. So, do not depair if all seems lost right now. God has lots of tricks to transform the wayward mate, and resurrections are no big deal for the One who controls life and death.

his soul's choice

Your true guy doesn't have the right, or the votes, to put you away. Important decisions as these are made at a deeper level. In my case, without seeking permission or informing surface personality, my guy's soul had fallen in love with me – indeed, had always been in love with me -- and that deeper self, the part of us linked to God, eventually, moving with overwhelming force of "shock and awe", decisively wins all arguments, sweeps aside, in a moment, decades of grievances, firmly holds ultimate veto power, and will absolutely have its own way at the end. So, do not worry a moment. If the one you love, in fact, is your destined one, then, in some manner, all of what I say here will yet happen for you. This may sound very strange, but, he will yet come to you, whether he "wants to or not." This is exactly what happened in our case. Well, his deeper self, his soul, had always wanted me, but for a long time the reality couldn't get through "the static on the line."

Dear Mary, as final encouragement to you, allow me to share an old story about Abraham Lincoln. He was asking, around the conference table, all of his cabinet ministers for their opinion on a matter -- nay, nay, nay, nay -- came the votes. And having received a unanimous negative response from his advisors, but in the face of his own steadfast purpose, he matter-of-factly announced, "Gentlemen, it seems that the 'ayes' have it."

Well, this is funny, but it helps illustrate the hegemony of the soul. Your true lover's authentic self cares nothing for the petty issues brought up by the ego, all the unanimous negative reasons why his surface-person might not want to forgive you. But, in the end, employing Presidential prerogative, he will flatly declare, "the ayes have it" -- and then take you to himself.