home | what's new | other sites | contact | about

Word Gems 

exploring self-realization, sacred personhood, and full humanity

Soulmate, Myself:
Omega Point

return to "contents" page

Elenchus. There’s something on my mind, but I shouldn’t even talk about it. It can’t be resolved, no good will come from it.

Kairissi. Sometimes… just being heard… knowing that another human being understands… is what we really want.

E. (sighing)

K. (softly) What is bothering you, Elenchus?

E. I don’t really worry about the future… I mean, you and me… I know that our lives are being directed, and that, on the other side, they say that true love cannot remain unanswered... and yet...

K. (softly) Are you afraid of losing me?

E. I told you that I shouldn’t even talk about this. I’m already sounding stupid, even to myself.

K. If something is really bothering you, it’s not stupid to talk about it.

E. (sighing)

E. Sometimes… I picture myself… on the other side… and I’m not with you… and then I feel like I'm in that photo on the “terror of eternity” page:

K. (softly) And… when you stare into the void of that future… I’m not there?

E. (sighing) (silence)

K. I know we’ve had our hard times… and I think part of you doesn’t really believe that it'll be any different when we get to Summerland.

E. (silence)

K. What are you really feeling about this, Elenchus?

E. Sometimes… I think about what it would be like to be over there, but… not to have you. And you know that I’m eager to begin quite a few different projects in Summerland.

K. You’ve made a list of things you want to do… things to study at university… places to travel to… service projects, ways to help… meeting up with old friends.

E. I do look forward to all that…  but then… if I imagine us not together… all the joy of living is just drained from me… and I wonder how I could face life… how I could find the energy to do anything… It’s like the old song “Since I Don’t Have You”…

K. (silence)

E. I guess part of what’s bothering me is – Why am I so weak? Why do I want you so much? I mean, I’ve been such a can-do person all my life, always very active, making things happen, building something or learning something. I’ve always been very independent and haven’t waited for anything, or anyone, to help me with success – I’ve always just done it myself.

K. (softly) But now, suddenly, you feel handicapped, “staring into the existential void” of a black future.

E. I don’t like it. I don’t like being so “tied” to somebody else that I couldn’t function if that person were to leave.

K. (softly) If you’re worried about this, then you’re not totally convinced that I will be there for you.

E. I think… we have unfinished business… From a larger perspective, I trust my own “Spirit of truth” consciousness which guides me.

K. And what does it tell you?

E. It tells me that we're Twins. I’ve tested this within my spirit for a great many years now, and I keep coming up with the same answer. I've tried to doubt it. There've been many times when I wanted to give you up and be rid of you, but my "inner person" vetoed the idea. You are I are Twins. This means that we can’t be happy with anyone else, not in any deep and meaningful way. And if we try, we'll just create suffering for ourselves. However, acknowledging all this, it's possible to "go rogue". People can become angry, or they can be trapped in bad ideas, or be led by oppressive institutions, or otherwise fall into an egoic insanity which might delay one’s joy… and not just the joy of the errant one, but also for the one who's waiting for you.

K. Elenchus, let’s say that this could happen – and let’s say it could happen to me. Since you are my Twin, I'd also have nowhere to go to find real happiness, but in relationship with you. I would be like Anne of Green Gables, staring into her own “existential void” when she lost Gilbert:

'nothing was of any value without him' Anne, in her darkest hour of losing the boy who loved her, suddenly understood the meaning of life, what we stay alive for - with the ensuing existential dilemma:   Anne Of Green Gables, Lucy Maud Montgomery (1985) “Oh, the black years of emptiness stretching before her!”   "There is a book of Revelation in every one's life, as there is in the Bible… She loved Gilbert -- had always loved him! She knew that now. She knew that she could no more cast him out of her life without agony than she could have cut off her right hand and cast it from her… If she had not been so blind -- so foolish -- she would have had the right to go to him now. But he would never know that she loved him -- he would go away from this life thinking that she did not care. Oh, the black years of emptiness stretching before her! She could not live through them -- she could not! … Nothing was of any value without him. She belonged to him and he to her. In her hour of supreme agony she had no doubt of that… Oh, what a fool she had been not to realize what the bond was that had held her to Gilbert... And now she must pay for her folly as for a crime.”

E. What you say is true. You would suffer as much as I. It’s just that, people can “go offline” and ignore the promptings of “the Spirit of truth” for a long time, even a very long time. And sometimes I just sink into a great sense of disheartenment to envision that. First of all, I’d be immersed in grief over your stumbling; but then, too, I really wonder how I could live my life, how I’d find the energy to do what I ought to do as a maturing person. I really don’t know how I could… do anything…

K. (softly) … “since I don’t have you.”

E. People are so foolish… they think that looking for one’s true mate is a game, something just to “make me happy.” Little do they know that finding the “other half of one’s being” is a most devastating event, the most perilous, of one’s eternal life. It’s playing for keeps, and will turn you inside out. Finding that other person, virtually, means that she has the key to one’s very life, and one’s motivation to live it. This is not for the half-hearted.

K. The key to one’s very life - “I don’t have anything, since I don’t have you.”

E. “No fond desires.”

K. “No happy hours.”

E. “No hopes and dreams.”

K. Elenchus… is there anything you’d really like me to know in all this?

E. If I may offer something, I suppose it would be this… I worry about us because of certain unresolved issues. I see them as "wild cards" of unknown portent. These are things which caused us to stumble, right from the beginning. And maybe we’ve suffered enough now, such that these will easily be put aside when we transition to the next world; or maybe they will take to themselves renewed vigor. If the latter should be our misfortune, I’m hoping you will remember our conversation today. Allow yourself to recall that… someone will be waiting for you… staring into the same existential abyss that might seek to entrap you… keeping both us from our joy... as you are my joy, Kriss.