home | what's new | other sitescontact | about



Word Gems 

exploring self-realization, sacred personhood, and full humanity


Soulmate, Myself:
The Perfect Mate

Jill and Dan



return to the "contents" page



felt that old familiar pain... the snow turned into tears


Same Old Lang Syne, 1980

Met my old lover in the grocery store
The snow was falling Christmas Eve
I stole behind her in the frozen foods
And I touched her on the sleeve

She didn't recognize the face at first
But then her eyes flew open wide
She went to hug me and she spilled her purse
And we laughed until we cried…

We drank a toast to innocence
We drank a toast to now
And tried to reach beyond the emptiness
But neither one knew how

Said she'd married her an architect
Kept her warm and safe and dry
She would have liked to say she loved the man
she didn't like to lie...

Just for a moment I was back at school
And felt that old familiar pain
And as I turned to make my way back home
The snow turned into rain…


that old familiar pain...

Same Old Lang Syne was written and sung by Dan Fogelberg. The song ends with Christmas Eve snow turning into tears.

Wikipedia: "As Fogelberg said on his official website, the song was autobiographical. He was visiting family back home in Peoria, Illinois in the mid-1970s when he ran into an old girlfriend at a convenience store…After Fogelberg's death from prostate cancer in 2007, the woman in the song, Jill Anderson Greulich, came forward with her story… Greulich heard the song on the radio for the first time while driving to work, but kept quiet about it, as Fogelberg also refused to disclose her identity. She stated that her reason for remaining quiet about her involvement in the song's narrative was that coming forward would disrupt Fogelberg's marriage…

reaching beyond the emptiness...

"In regard to the line, ‘She would have liked to say she loved the man, but she didn't like to lie,’ Greulich will not talk about it, but [later] she and her husband had divorced.”

Editor's note: "Warm and safe and dry" is no refuge against a rain that turns to tears.

Dan's historical reference to a magical Christmas Eve finds common ground with the love story of Kairissi and Elenchus. See "The Wedding Song."


Elenchus. Jim Croce wrote a line for one of his songs about “those good old high school days.” I like Jim’s singing but I part ways with him on high-school being "good old days."

Kairissi. It seems that Dan Fogelberg would agree.

E. High school was a terrible time of being subjected to a “small town Hollywood” culture with everyone trying to be a starlet or a leading-man.

K. In a drama starring themselves.

E. So much drama. I didn’t do well there. I really disliked it. It’s been a great many years now, but I have no desire to pay homage to the reunions. I wouldn't mind meeting with any former classmate on an individual basis, but to wade back into what I consider to be the negative energy of that early time of illusion, ego-stroking, and role-playing, which reunions tend to resurrect, is not something I’m interested in. I know some would disagree with me on this, and they’re welcome to their opinion, but count me out.

K. Ellus, there’s a certain “edge” in your voice as you recall those “good old days."

E. (sighing) In “Prometheus” we spoke of how the Earth-trip might affect me as the “American Pie” boy -- the socially-backward loner with his “pink carnation and a pick-up truck.”

K. Reading between the lines of “Same Old Lang Syne,” we discern that high school was also not a happy time for Jill and Dan.

E. Amidst the confusion, mayhem, and distortions of “small town Hollywood,” they lost each other there.

K. And they quickly traded what they had, or might have been, for John-and-Mary roles.

E. She “married her an architect who kept her warm and safe and dry.”

K. And he ended up writing songs about her with “snow turning into tears”… Ellus, how terrible to be young, inexperienced, and naïve, and then forced to make decisions that are supposed to be set-in-stone for your lifetime. It’s an incredibly perilous system that has almost no chance of getting it right.

E. We’re told that the brain doesn’t even reach its growth-maturity until age 25 – but we marry at 18 or 23, and think we can make a good judgment. Good luck to us with that.

K. Dan’s lyric, “that old familiar pain,” tells us that the Christmas meeting dredged-up some very old and very hurtful feelings for him.

E. We don’t have to be a Sherlock to know that he lost her in high school. He flatly tells us this with, “just for a moment I was back at school…”

K. Without a doubt, he lost her in high school.

E. As he sees her drive away just now, he's taken, unwillingly, to those old days of "pain," days of separation, misunderstanding, and being out of phase with each other.

K. Dan injects much passion into his singing; he does so with hurtful recollections of “Same Old Lang Syne.” But it seems that this is not the only song in which Dan mourns for Jill. He has another hit song, “Rhythm Of The Rain,” about weeping for a lost girl.

E. I really like Dan’s version of “Rhythm Of The Rain”…

Listen to the rhythm of the falling rain, telling me just what a fool I’ve been, I wish that it would go and let me cry in vain, and let me be alone again, Now the only girl I’ve ever loved has gone away, looking for a brand new start, little does she know that when she left that day, along with her she took my heart, Rain please tell me now does that seem fair, for her to steal my heart away when she don’t care, I can’t love another when my heart’s somewhere far away...


K. How many times in history have lovers, too late, wept the words, “what a fool I’ve been”?

E. (sighing)

E. There’s a line in “Rhythm Of The Rain” that addresses natural sacred law for true lovers.

K. What do you see?

E. The bereft fellow says, “I can’t love another when my heart’s somewhere far away.” He insists on, “I can’t.” The world of John and Mary tells us, “Of course you can! Get a hold of yourself, stop moping, snap out of it! There're lots of fish in the sea. If you lose one, there are ten new pretty faces to check out today.”

K. (sighing)

E. But the guy in the song isn’t buying it. And if his love is true, he needs to stand firm. Jesus condones this sacred use of “I can’t”; with harsh and raw symbolism as he speaks of becoming “a eunuch for the kingdom’s sake.” A eunuch is a person for whom marriage is not just impermissible, but impossible. Jesus’ metaphoric eunuch says “I can’t.”

K. As one spiritually evolves, we come to perceive the shallowness of the world’s “many fish in the sea” philosophy; eventually, true lovers say “I can’t,” it’s impossible, for me to love another, because “my heart is far away” with the absent Beloved.

E. Krissi, we’re sensing Dan’s pain as he sings these songs. He’s missing someone. We learn that Dan died fairly young, from prostate cancer. This is somewhat puzzling as prostate cancer is usually treatable, and typically doesn’t even show up until later in life. We don’t know the whole story, but I’m betting that Dan’s state of bereavement is linked to all this. I wouldn’t be surprised if, what seems to be, an undercurrent of grief for Dan’s mind and heart affected his immune system.

K. Spirit-Guide Abu has a similar general opinion. He said that if a person has a deep longing to leave this world – which could very well be triggered by a loss of the Beloved – a departure could be effected by a grief-induced lessening of the body’s resistance to disease. Abu said that, in such cases, it is not usual for a minor accident or a common ailment to fester into a ticket for the next world.

E. And, of course, this happens all the time with senior couples; one passes on, and then the other, in despondency, fails to see any reason to keep on living and, in many cases, just fades away and crosses over fairly quickly.

K. Yes...

E. I have listened to “Rhythm Of The Rain” – Dan’s version and also Floyd Cramer’s – about 2000 times in recent years. I find it haunting.

K. If someone listens to a song that many times, it means that it’s speaking to him.

E. It’s good theme-music for “what a fool I’ve been.”

K. (softly) Are you missing someone, Ellus?

E. (sighing)

E. There's something else I noticed in "Same Old Lang Syne." It's the immediate context of that "old familiar pain" and "I was back at school."

K. Please explain.

E. He experiences the nauseating memory, the familiar incapacity, at the precise moment of seeing her drive away... of her separating herself from him.

K. That "old familiar pain" is the pain of losing her... he sees himself "back at school," with a teen girl removing herself from his orbit; or, maybe, he failing to receive her... and now, in a replay of history, he's lost her... one more time... one more time.

E. And this is why "the snow turned into rain."

K. He weeps for her once again.

E. Or, weeps for her as he might have done, as he wanted to, but could not, in his high-school "insensate worm" condition.

K. Are you seeing something, Elenchus?

E. Song lyrics, of necessity, must offer an abbreviated account of things. But I think Dan means to say that “the old familiar pain” is present tense. This is an “old” pain, but not one completed in the past, and existing now as clinical memory. This is a “familiar” pain, continuing unbroken, from that time to this, an ever-present companion.

K. (silence)

E. Young teens – to say nothing of most adults – are not able to deal with such pain without becoming angry, painfully so. We don’t know the facts concerning what separated Jill and Dan, and we don’t need to, but the pain of that separation, during subsequent decades, would not relinquish hold of his mind and spirit. And I submit to you that “the old familiar pain” would serve as primary impetus for his becoming an artist. If the pain did not leave, then we can know that his artistic production – and its motivation, some of it on a subliminal level -- would be for Jill, an attempt to reach her, somewhere out there, with his music as “message in a bottle.”

K. If their love was true, and somehow we feel that it is, then she, too, would not escape this pressure upon the mind of lost love. It would became a growing awareness, more and more, as the years passed, concerning their “sins” against each other and sacred romance. In her 3 AM introspections and self-talk, she would interrogate herself, "how's that 'warm, safe, and dry' thing workin' out for ya?"

E. Tell her this is a forgivable and common offense. People often run-and-hide, especially in the willful and hubristic teen years, with the high youthful energy plus many ego-props and supports; eventually, though, they must face the music, the inner purified music, of who they are, especially, to each other.

K. Teens can be so insane... they get angry, they become unreasonable, they stomp off. Adults do this too, but the particular error of teens is that they're so super-charged with youthful energy, with intoxicating hubris, they can’t envision themselves dying one day, or slowing down. And in this madness, a detachment from reality, they can’t see themselves ever being accountable to anyone for their self-centered actions, their spiteful wilfullness: “I’ll just leave you behind, do what I want, and I’ll never see you again.”

E. But the universe is curved for a reason, My Love. If you walk far enough, you will return to your beginnings.

K. Yes... their universe was curved. And they, or at least one of them, believed their own propaganda of “There’re many fish in the sea. You hurt me, and so I’ll just find someone else, and with hard work and determination I’ll make a happy life for myself with some other pretty face. Try and stop me. I don't need you.”

E. In the history of the world, this brash and headstrong approach has never produced satisfactory results; and yet teens, with their boundless energy, but limited experience and vision, are convinced they’ll be the one.

K. It seems that Jill finally grew up and was altogether done with "stomping off." We’re not given much of the story, but, it appears that some time after the Christmas-Eve incident, Jill divorced her well-ordered-life husband. "Warm, safe, and dry" wasn't nearly enough anymore.

E. It was part of her program of "getting back to zero," of repentance, as Troubadour Spirit Guide Margaret said, for youthful "sins" against true love; she knew she had to return to him but she didn't know how quite yet. In any case, she was brave and honest just to begin. Not many can muster the courage to correct a transgression of an earlier time, finally live an authentic life, and stop living a lie. She would now wait for Dan, in clear conscience and in truth, as May and Arthur waited for each other.

K. Ellus... I just thought of something... in The Wedding Song we talked about our own losses of teen years, that Christmas just before high-school graduation which should have been ours... Reading between the lines of "Same Old Lang Syne," I have a hunch that Dan seeing her again at Christmas time was almost too hard for him to bear.

E. There are many songs that talk about not being with a lover at Christmas-time as particularly sorrowful.

K. And I just wonder if Dan, as we have done, brought to mind a Christmas before graduation, a Christmas prior to, what should have been, for them, a summer wedding.

E. A newspaper article said that Dan was 56 when he crossed over -- this means they would have graduated in 1969, with Christmas 1968 as their might-have-been special happy time of love.

K. Contemplating this loss would have elicited, from heart and soul, the greatest sorrows of his entire life.

E. "What a fool I've been" might be a favorite, albeit sad, lovers' Christmas song.

K. Right next to "Christmas snow turning into tears."

E. Dan was lucky to leave this world early… I know he wept for her a long time after that chance Christmas-meeting.

K. How do you know?

E. (deeply sighing)

K. Oh, Elenchus... I feel so bad... for Jill and Dan... and for all of us... How will we ever be made whole from the terror of these losses? -- of what we did to ourselves when we were too young and stupid to know better. I have this nightmare that the damage can never be wholly undone. Even if we go to a perfect world like Summerland, I have this great fear, this great hole in my heart, that I might never be healed of what I lost with you early on! How could I ever get that back -- and I need it back!!

E. We must trust God to help us. And we can know this: we are not the first to suffer loss in this terrible world, and this is something that God and the Guides will have thought about, to help people when they cross over. I suggest we review the author's research on this question. I believe there is an answer that will yet satisfy us.


Kairissi. Ellus, Dear, it’s been some time since we spoke of Jill and Dan’s situation, but, I have to confess, it’s still on my mind at times. And I’ve listened to Dan’s song quite a lot recently, especially the piano version by Jim Wilson, and I’m just deeply moved by it.

Elenchus. Yes… I know… I am, too.

K. I don’t really have anything new to add, and I might drift to rambling, but I feel I just want to say something about their lost love.

E. As usual, let’s talk this out and not worry about a printed program for the discussion.

K. Thank you… but… I don’t know how to start…

E. Well… what are really feeling right now?

K. I’m feeling sad for them. They lost out on a lifetime of love together.

E. (silence)

K. I see them, back in high school. There they are – as we all were – so unrealistic, so easily offended, so… -- the author used a phrase – “the cavalier burning of long-constructed bridges.” Teens might have a history together, they might have known each other for some time, and yet, if you believe in the empty philosophy of “many fish in the sea,” then a glassy-eyed teen hubris might easily throw each other under the bus.

E. And set fire to long-constructed bridges.

K. And then they marry others - as if they could get away with that crime against true love.

E. We get away with nothing. This is Jesus’ point in the “pay the last penny” teaching.

K. And, boy, do we pay. The years roll by, and we pay and pay, and there can seem to be no end to the paying.

E. Are there any other clues in the song – Dan said it was an “autobiographical” song – that might tell us more about what happened to them?

K. Well, one thing – he starts the song by calling her “my old lover.” But the song ends with “that old familiar pain … back at school.”

E. First impressions of the song, with the term “lover,” might lead us to assume that they were very seriously involved in high school.

K. Maybe they were, maybe they weren’t; or maybe for a short time.

E. Or maybe it’s what he secretly felt and wanted with her, but did not have.

K. Any of these is possible; what we do know is that high school didn’t end well for them. They married others.

E. To state the obvious, Dan is an artist; not all, but many, maybe most, artists are very sensitive – and, high school boys are not famous for being so forthright and open with their feelings.

K. Tell me about it. At that stage of life, girls tend to be more put-together psychologically. There are some casanova-types among high school boys who know how to be flashy and good with the girls, but I doubt if Dan was that way. A young boy, with an artist’s heart, probably, is going to somewhat “live in his head” and not win a “Mister Outgoing” award.

E. I won an “honorable mention” for that in high school.

K. Uh-huh. As a sensitive artist in-the-making, if he did “live in his head,” Dan’s reference to her as “my old lover” may have been more wish than reality. However, given their joyous reunion in the grocery store, they must have enjoyed some degree of friendship; but not so much as to ward off “that old familiar pain.”

E. Dan uses the phrase “that old familiar pain,” I think, as a kind of blanket labeling of how he felt in high school pretty much all the time.

K. I believe there’s truth in what you say. A diffident young artist, a writer-lyricist and a thinker, will probably not become a “man for all seasons,” self-assured with aplomb, during his high school years. This would come later for Dan when he became an artist of note in the world. By then, though, Jill was long gone.

E. By the time he found his tongue, with clear-eyed confidence and élan, he had no one to speak to; and when opportunity arrived to talk to her, by accident yet! – in a grocery store, of all places! – life commitments had already been well forged.

K. Ellus, we’ve talked about this before; it’s as if this world and this life were not meant to work. By the time we get it all together, if we ever do, the movie is almost over. But – this isn’t exactly what I want to talk about concerning their love. I’m not sure what I want to say, or what’s really bothering me.

E. Why don’t you just relax for a moment, and try to feel your inner energies.

K. (deeply sighing)

K. I don’t know… It all seems so terrible for them… They said they were trying to “reach beyond the emptiness.” And I think the word “emptiness” sums up rather well what they did to themselves and to each other. She married somebody “on the rebound” – for all those famous “John and Mary” reasons. She wanted that “white picket fence” so much, and she got it, but when she did she found it to be a barrier of a prison that locked her in, and away, from what, or whom, she wanted most.

E. And he did the same.

K. Elenchus, I think I know why I feel so bad right now. Again, let me talk this out.

E. You have the microphone, Kriss.

K. Those who subscribe to the “many fish in the sea” theory of love believe that they can always find a new mate. Yes, it might be hard for a while if you lose someone, there will be sadness, especially if you’d been together for some time, but most people believe that it’s possible to “move on,” to "get over it," and to find new love; there are so many pretty fish in the sea, you know.

E. This is the general view, of course.

K. But it doesn’t work this way for Twin Souls. Now, I can’t say that Jill and Dan are eternal mates, but the fact that, decades after high school, they’re still well bonded, means something, I would say.

E. Also, the fact that, after his passing, she divorced her husband, preferring to live alone, waiting for Dan, speaks volumes.

K. This is exactly what a Twin would do, in conformance with the Matthew 19 teaching of Jesus. But what I want to say is this: If we lose a “John and Mary” love, we can recover from this loss. But there is no recovery, in all eternity, from the loss of a Twin. And I suppose I’m projecting the status of Twin Soul relationship onto Jill and Dan, and this is why their loss seems so devastating to me.

E. You know, Kriss, the author has used the phrase: “We come to this world to experience everything we're not!”

K. Yes, of course, and that's a profound way of putting it. In Summerland, who thinks of losing one’s true love, or even being separated from him for a while? It just doesn’t happen over there. It’s only in this world of polar opposites where we might gain a depth of wisdom, albeit from a depth of sorrow.

E. If true love is the ultimate reality, as the author suggests, then the ultimate horror, if it were possible, would be to lose that true love. It would be to stare directly into the abyss of the "terror of eternal life," without the love, the love of that one person, meant to save you. However, we know that Twins can never be truly separated, but even a simulation of such sends us to deepest abject despair.

K. And I think that this simulation, of love lost for Jill and Dan, is what’s bothering me so... I cannot think of a greater sorrow... a greater dishevelment to my soul.



Elenchus. The other day you had some things to say about this song – and maybe I do, too, now. I went from having nothing to say to feeling like I’m bursting.

Kairissi. Why don’t you take your own advice and just talk this out?

E. I feel angry… but, I don’t want to…

K. (silence)

E. This song opens doors in my head that I try hard to keep shut.

K. (softly) Let’s try to talk about this.

E. (sighing)

E. I’m not sure where to start, so I’ll just start somewhere…

that old familiar pain... I watched her drive away... I was back at school

E. I would say, the central thought of the entire song - indeed, of Dan's entire repressed thought-life - is the fact that he lost her in high school. This doesn't mean that the loss was even conscious for him back then; awareness of injury can come many years later, and be just as real. We learned of this in the "ludicrous proposition" principle.

K. Ellus, I believe you are correct in your analysis of Dan's "autobiographical" writing here. It goes not too far to say that, in Dan's mind, high school was a time of witnessing her, if only subliminally for the insentient young boy, recede into the background of his life. That was the time, he subtly informs us, and himself, when she was moving farther and farther away from his truest wishes.

E. This is why, when he sees her drive away, an "old familiar pain" is resurrected. This pain, like a silent Greek chorus, was his constant friend and guide during those early years. It defined his life: "What's high school? oh, that was the time when I was so out of it that I lost her by inches every day, the time when she continually moved beyond my reach, that's what high school was."

K. (silence)

E. Dan writes this song with signaling phrases. He leads us to expect tragedy. And the repressed "infinite winter" of his love for Jill is flashed in portent right at the start, the second verse:

The snow was falling Christmas Eve

E. Now we might wonder, why did the songwriter mentions this? Is it time-out for a weather report?

K. Maybe an advisory warning for them.

E. Yes... an advisory warning. But, really, there’s no reason to speak of the snow; there’s no compelling context for it – not until the final line where the snow is referred to again. The listener is being set up.

K. This reminds us of the author’s analysis of Mark 11, the “believe and you’ll have it” teaching of Jesus. There, another seemingly unimportant detail was offered, that Jesus hadn’t had breakfast and was hungry. Why does the reader need to know this? We find out later when Jesus’ hunger is mentioned yet again.

E. These are literary devices to draw attention to some hidden facet of the story.

K. And what is Dan, the songwriter, the narrator of his own life tragedy, telling us here?

E. So many things, but, one thing, we’re given a view of snow as two states of matter: (1) the frozen state, and (2) the melting state, turning to water, or rain; metaphorically, at the end of the story, tears. The reference to snow right at the beginning, given the implied meaning injected at the end, is meant to say that Dan’s hidden sorrow is normally in a frozen, unexpressed, repressed state. He does not often allow it to flow as tears.

K. This is a meaningful insight, Elenchus. And I would say that the "frozen state" applies to her, as well.

E. Also, I feel dismayed when she

Said she'd married her an architect
Kept her warm and safe and dry

E. Young people do so many stupid things; even in the most important areas of life.

K. When it didn’t work out with Dan in high school, it was only natural for her to feel worried about losing again. And so, when the first reasonable “fish in the sea” came along, she thought she’d better make a deal so as not to be left on the shelf. Of course, she knew what was happening, that the match wasn't perfect, that she was "settling" – women always know when love isn’t of highest quality – but, time was getting on, and so she gave herself “the little speech” that all Marys, sooner or later, give to themselves: “Life isn’t perfect, there’s not going to be a white knight to save me, I'm not going to get everything I want, so I need to do something reasonable to salvage my hopes for some semblance of the white picket fence.”

E. Men named John do the same thing, according their particular drives and natures. The “marriage game” has made the world go round for thousands of years.

K. And it’s worked out so well for all of us.

E. Well, this is what Jill and Dan finally allowed themselves to see, as they talked in her car that Christmas Eve, 20 years after the "scene of the crime." Dan wrote that they

Tried to reach beyond the emptiness
But neither one knew how

K. The “emptiness.”

E. No wonder they’d repressed themselves for so many years. Who wants to meet the “emptiness” day after day - when you have no way of solving the problem.

K. But, see, it’s not really true that “neither one knew how” to solve this problem – they knew too well – but to do it right they’d have to upend and trash their present well-ordered lives; and they weren’t quite there yet.

E. It’s all so strange. “She married her an architect,” whom she didn’t love. And why did she allow herself to be chosen? – so she could be “warm and safe and dry.” It’s not just survival needs on display here, but a whole array of common animal/instinctual/biological/social needs which temporarily won out.

K. You know what I think?

E. Tell me.

K. I’m reminded of a famous speech by President Kennedy; the “secret societies” speech. He said, to the effect, that it’s not worth preserving the nation if our traditions and values and all that makes life worthwhile do not survive with them.

E. "What we stay alive for."

K. And this is the mistake that Jill and all Marys, in their immaturity, make. If you allow yourself to “settle” for a hollow form and shadow of “the white picket fence,” and if the boy you truly love is not part of the picture of "the good life", then you can just forget about and kiss good-bye finding happiness for your sad existence.

E. I’d like to say something about Jill. Dan paints a warm picture of her. She’s a really good girl; I mean, not in the faux religious sense, but she has a soft and tender heart that tries to be kind to everyone.

K. (silence)

E. Kind to everyone – even to dumb high school boys with two left feet and no radar for love.

K. As we’ve said, his warp drive wouldn't even be installed until Tuesday.

E. And this is a big problem for high school girls, who tend to be ahead of the teen-boy Neanderthals at that stage of the game.

K. But, you see, if the girls were as smart and mature as they sometimes like to think of themselves, they’d have the patience to wait for the good ones to catch up. Because, as the author’s mother would say, “mark my words,” those boys are going to grow up someday – and what will they think of you then if you were unkind to them early on?

E. That is a systemic problem for high school girls.

K. I mean, think about it: Many boys, especially the artist-thinkers like Dan, aren’t necessarily the life-of-the-party types early on. You can always spot them with their “pink carnation and a pick-up truck”; and, with their “two left feet,” they often don’t even go to parties, and maybe not even to the prom. And so, if a girl were wise, she would be aware of this slow-development dynamic... but how many girls have this kind of foresight and wisdom?

E. Be that as it may, we know that Jill is a good girl because, even though she does not love her husband, she still tries to be fair and loyal to him, with circumspection in her speech:

She would have liked to say she loved the man
But she didn't like to lie

K. (silence)

E. Jill doesn't like to lie; she likes to be true; she likes to be kind to everyone. Jill is the kind of girl that a man named John would want in his house as the virtuous person, the virtuous wife and mother, that she is and would be.

K. You’re usually arguing against “John and Mary.”

E. Jill is really something. I really like her. She handled this surprise situation in the grocery store very skillfully. Even though she knew her heart was not with her husband, she would not want to be disloyal to him; and yet, here is Dan, gone for 20 years, somebody she really cared about – still cares about, more than she's able to admit – suddenly appearing out of nowhere. She doesn’t want to make him feel bad or second-class either.

K. I don’t think meetings like this can happen accidentally. I think it was arranged, behind the scenes, by their Spirit Guides. Allow me a digression regarding “accidental meetings.” The author tells a true story of somebody he knows – let’s call him X -- who is in a situation very much like that of Jill, that is, married to the wrong person; and, also like Jill, knows the identity of his true mate. X says that while on a trip across the country, let’s say, a thousand miles from home, X stops at some supermarket, just off the freeway. And who should he meet in that grocery store, a thousand miles out in nowhere? – lo and behold, it's the girl he loves, who, somehow, “accidentally,” happened to be visiting there at the same time. Now, what are the chances of randomness accounting for this? It’s probably billions or trillions to one. Another way of saying it, this was no accident, and neither was the meeting of Jill and Dan.

E. I agree. And we might ask, what is the purpose of such a meeting when, it would appear, no immediate solution to love-lost presented itself?

K. I think the answer is, the Guides take a long view, and a “chance” meeting overturns normal, in-place trajectories, shakes up the status quo, jars the "well-ordered" but sterile "life", whether we can see the immediate results or not.

E. And regarding Jill’s gracious response to Dan, I’d like to say that it’s somewhat unusual. I can’t give examples here due to the sensitive nature of the question, but a great many women would become frightened, hostile, or defensive, and would almost immediately close themselves off as both their "well-ordered life" and their "good little girl" status would become threatened, if they were to meet a “Dan” of their lives. And they do this even if there’s been a history of past warm interaction. Again, I can’t speak to particulars, but many examples come to mind in this regard. It’s almost a universal principle.

K. (sighing) It is living by fear, even though you know the reality of the situation.

E. In these cases, there might be not only a fear but even a terror with these women – which is a sure sign that the visiting or “accidentally” encountered male friend means something to them. And the question becomes, why do these women become “cold fish,” or ungracious, and, at times, even vicious?

K. (silence)

E. The answer is written on their faces and in their spirits. It’s actually obvious. They are terrified of “breaking a rule,” or “being caught as disloyal,” or “sinning against an angry god,” or some such knavery. But Jill didn’t do this. She was very concerned about also being loyal to her old friend.

K. It should be pointed out, too, that Dan was very mindful of what could be perceived as an invasion of her life. He didn't want to disturb her. This is why he very gingerly accosted her,

I touched her on the sleeve

E. And then he said nothing and quietly waited. We know this because she’s left to a moment of silence in which she’s trying to figure out who this smiling person is.

K. Well, it couldn’t be him.

E. No, of course not, it could never be him, that would be impossible; but then…

Her eyes flew open wide
She went to hug me and she spilled her purse
And we laughed until we cried…

E. "Laughed until we cried" - so much unexpressed and repressed energy between these two. And then the wild extreme delight just rocketed from them.

K. (sighing) Wow -- Elenchus, this whole area is far more common than people let on. We marry when we’re still stupid, and good luck to us making a wise choice when you’re early 20-something. And it's not supposed to be a choice at all, but a natural inner knowing. But, we don't know that then.

E. As people grow to spiritual maturity, we need to become open to the realities of our lives and not be afraid; which means that a time comes when changes must be made. This is part of Jesus’ message in Matthew 19. Big Religion's fear-doctrine of "God hates divorce" is not an iron-clad rule. God hates a lot of sins because they hurt people, including marrying for reasons just to stroke one's ego.

K. There's a "real world" coming in which all of these John-and-Mary unions will be washed away. The immature give far too much credence to what’s happening on planet Earth and not enough to what we're destined for, one missed heartbeat away.

E. Michael Tymn offered a transcription of testimony from the other side. Look at this from someone over there:

“Physical relationship [that is, the purely blood or bio-impulse marriage tie] isn’t so important on our side as yours. There are many people in your family you will never meet again – [because you’re] not spiritually related at all [and so you'll feel no compelling reason to see them again].”

E. Meaning, there's no permanent connection, no soul-bond, and they're together on planet Earth only temporarily and via a Church’s magic hand-sign blessing; it’s voodoo. The fact is, there are people in our lives right now who do not love us, and we know this, and we also know, in our heart-of-hearts, that we have nothing truly to offer them – and so, many of these we will never even see again after transition; and yet, because of fear and guilt, we arrange this present life to give faux loved-ones the chief seats, while, in some cases, spurning and disrespecting – even, treating viciously -- ones who are loved by our souls, and with whom we have unfinished business. To engage in this serious disloyalty -- to authentic dear ones, and also to one’s own integrity, because we know better -- is to add darkness to our spirits, which will not easily be expunged on the other side.

K. (softly) Elenchus... you said you felt angry… are you still feeling bad?

E. I don’t like being angry… it’s a bad way of thinking and living life… if you go looking for it, there’s always somebody or something to be angry about… and yet, there are some things I haven’t been able to get over… I have certain bad memories...

K. (very softly) It seems that we will talk about this again… we have much unfinished business... and the snow is falling on Christmas Eve, for us, as well. We weren't able to admit it at the time, but we, too, have a lost Christmas requiring healing... one that might have heralded a yearned-for summer event... but never happened.






Kairissi. We speculated that Dan’s songs contain hidden communication to the lost love of his life; that, he was writing and singing his songs as a kind of message-in-a-bottle to Jill "somewhere out there." Is this unlikely? I think not.

Elenchus. How could Dan have not been thinking of Jill in all his artistry?

K. And look at this, a confirmation of our thesis. Barry Manilow’s 'This One's For You'.

'to say the things I should have said, things that you should know'

this [song’s] so real for me that I'm the one who cries, and I sing it every night, and I fight to hide the tears, ‘cause this one's for you, wherever you are, to say that nothing's been the same since we've been apart, this one's for all the love we once knew, like everything else I have, this one's for you … I sing of things I miss, and things that use to be, and I wonder every night, if you might just miss me too, and I sing for you, I sing for you, to say the things I should have said, things that you should know, this one's to say that all I can do is hope that you will hear me sing, ‘cause this one's for you…

E. This is exactly our belief about Dan.

K. We sense great and deep feeling in Barry’s spirit. I’ll go out on a limb and say I don’t think you can write something like this without having gone through some kind of loss.

E. And notice: it’s not just “this one,” this particular song, that’s for her, but, “like everything else I have, this one's for you.” It's all for her.

K. If you are missing that one special person, a sense of yearning will color most everything you do; and if you’re a writer or a singer, “she” will be the hidden focus of all that you produce.

E. I think the most emotionally moving line in the whole song is “to say the things I should have said, things that you should know.”

K. This is what haunts us and keeps us awake at 3 AM – as Mark Twain observed, it's not so much the things we did that bother us, but the things we didn’t do.

E. Barry reveals how it affected him. We might imagine him trying to write something that will grab the listener viscerally, "where we live".

K. But then he exclaims, “I’m the one who cries!” You know, Elenchus, I hesitate to bring this up because I don’t want to discuss too many songs, but there’re a few others by Barry that speak to romantic despair, of having left “the right one” and taken up with a new pretty face, but now he’s dying on the inside. The most dramatic, in my opinion, of Barry’s productions is “Even Now.” Picture this, from the lyrics. He’s home late from work, wife is waiting for him in bed, he’s walking upstairs to be with her – an image of the perfect marriage life – but something is troubling him. “Even now,” after all this time, even as he enters the bedroom to be received by his affectionate mate, he’s thinking of another woman, one he’s always loved and has never forgotten. All this is deeply disturbing to us.

E. It's very disconcerting.

K. We’ve said it before but I’ll say it again. People maintain they want to find their eternal love-mate – but, be careful what you wish for. By the time this whole process is over, as "the lights come on" and you discover "what's real," it will turn you inside out, every which way but loose, destroy whatever semblance of the "well ordered life" you had, and bring you to your knees.

E. We’re dealing here with the most powerful energies that impinge upon the human spirit. We must properly align ourselves with these forces, or they will be our undoing.