Something reassuring
The experience you described—feeling as if the mind is under siege by a thought—has been reported by thinkers, writers, and philosophers for centuries.
Many great intellectuals had exactly this temperament:
a mind that can lock intensely onto an idea.
The same mechanism that produces intrusive thought loops is often the source of deep concentration and insight when directed deliberately.
So the goal is not to eliminate that power, but to regain the steering wheel when necessary.
good advice from mom
John-boy: “I don’t have much to offer her.”
Olivia: "You have yourself to offer – and that’s considerable.”
3 AM Dialogues
Editor: All these principles are valuable to understand. It’s a good framework of approaching the issue of the “runaway mind” that will not shut down.
However, I had awakened in the middle of the night, and immediately was beset by oppressive thoughts, and I tried to right myself:
“What were those principles again? I’m too tired right now to bring back all that advice. It’s seems too complicated at 3 AM.”
And then it occurred to me: there’s a simpler way of looking at this.
I don’t know if this will help you, but it helped me. First, a little more background understanding:
On the “clear thinking” page, I said that egos engage in “a battle to define reality”. You’ll want to see that section, but, essentially, egos try to redefine words to shape perceptions of reality. This is done in poisonous politics all the time -- but, it occurred to me, the ego was doing this same thing to me, at 3 AM.
When the ego comes at us with oppressive thoughts, what’s really happening is, fundamentally, it’s re-defining the meaning of “happiness”.
It wants us to believe that the universe is a place of scarcity. Nothing will ever work out. We’ll never find good things. There is no God or Universal Intelligence guiding our lives. It’s all randomness, we have no hope.
And it seemed plain to me, at 3 AM, “I need to take back my own definition of happiness. I need to be the one to give meaning to this term, not my dark side.”
The mind is a strange thing. And here’s what I saw at that early hour.
I recalled an ancient episode of The Waltons – hadn’t seen it in a very long time, but there was the time when John Boy wanted to go out with a girl from a well-to-do family. He confided in his mother that, coming from a poor family, he despaired as he had nothing to offer her. She told him sternly: “You have yourself to offer – and that’s considerable!”
At 3 AM, mom’s advice hit me profoundly. “I have myself – and that’s considerable.”
The ego will bring up a thousand reasons why one is not good enough, has no hope of finding happiness; that, “you might be rejected by the one you love” or “you’ve lost all your good friends in life” or “the best opportunities are gone now”.
But, none of this is true. One's essential happiness is never tethered to another person, place, or thing. No one is held hostage to an absent-but-desired person, place, or thing.
And why is this so? Because, “I have myself – and that’s considerable.”
I, all by myself – and you, all by yourself – are part of the Great Spirit; part of (as Krishnamurti put it) “creativity itself”, “intelligence itself”, “life itself”, and “the immensity”.
And that’s considerable.
Presently, I may be alone, aged, frail, not in good health – but this is not who I am. Life is incomplete right now, but I have an inheritance coming, in a new world, I will yet rise, and will have my youth and energy back. I will have every opportunity, every enablement, with God’s help, to make my own path, to create my own happy life. No one will be able to stand in my way, if God is for me. And so no one’s approval or lack thereof will mean for anything.
At 3AM, I forthrightly declared all these things to myself – my “considerable” self.
And in those liminal moments, the ego, and its propaganda, was immediately frozen in its efforts to deceive.
And a burgeoning and brimming sense of well-being filled my spirit.
I had redefined “happiness”, on my own terms, and I had won.
And I knew that I could revisit this reality -- as healing balm -- anytime I needed to, in order to regain my sanity, to re-situate myself, existentially.
And you can, too -- anytime you like.
Because, you have yourself -- and that’s considerable.