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Word Gems 

exploring self-realization, sacred personhood, and full humanity

Sorrow, Sadness

 Editor's 1-minute essay

return to 'sorrow' main-page 

"I felt a funeral in my brain." Emily Dickinson

Elenchus. I was glad for the new collection of quotes on sadness and sorrow. For personal reasons, it’s a subject I wanted to explore, something I needed to do.

Kairissi. But, Elenchus, we have such a good life coming up for us in Summerland, we’ll finally get everything we ever wanted. And so, why are you burdened by this?

E. Well, that’s the strange thing, and I told myself just what you said.

K. Would you like to share what’s bothering you?

E. It was very late at night. I was lying in bed. And, you know, that’s when the hobgoblins of hurtful memories come calling.

K. (silence)

E. Well, I was aware that I was vulnerable to attack and, in a sense, was even ready for it, but the ancient sorrows and sadnesses overwhelmed me.

K. (softly) What were you seeing?

E. You remember in the “winter wonderland” discussion, the two teen kids and their “to face unafraid the plans that we made”?

K. The images from that song we found deeply moving.

E. I was cast back in time to that period of our lives… and, once again, to revisit what ought to have been, what we really wanted to do, had we been just a little more mature.

K. We wanted to meet at my house almost every night and do homework together. We were so excited about becoming top students, because this was a way for us to prepare for our future together. We wanted to work as teachers later, and be married right after graduation, and attend college together.

E. Well, we’ve been over this and over this, but I saw it all once again in my mind, in vivid color and action. But, it seemed to be different this time. I found myself falling into a wide-and-deep pit of sorrow and sadness over what we lost. It was so oppressive. It was like… heavy convulsive mourning and torment… I didn’t actually weep, but I wanted to.

K. (softly) It was Emily’s “funeral in the brain.”

E. And it was all directed toward what we lost in this life. And, yes, as you say, we’re going to get it all back in Summerland, in a perfect world. And in that “midnight confession,” I counseled myself, “Why are you doing this to yourself?” – like a phrase from the Psalms, “Why are you cast down, oh, my soul?”

K. And in the Psalms, the answer is, “Trust thou in God.”

E. And, of course, that is the answer, but, in that late hour, I wasn’t able to reason with or steady myself. I reminded myself, in stern terms, “Everything’s alright, you and the one you love will be able to recapture that good life we lost, in a coming world where good things do not fade and cannot be taken away."

K. Why was this not convincing to you?

E.I asked myself this very question. Why did I fall into that deep pit of grief when, I knew full well, in a short time, you and I would be together to reclaim everything that was lost.

K. (silence)

E. And then it occurred to me, more forcibly than before – sorrow and sadness are just illusions. They’re not real.

K. There are many famous quotations on the main-page which put forward the same.

E. It came to my mind, something I heard from Tolle years ago, but didn’t really get it:

the ego wants to want, more than it wants to have

E. Look at what was happening to me. I was lying in bed, offering myself sturdy assurances, based upon the “scientific evidence for the afterlife,” that I had nothing to worry about.

K. But the ego wasn’t interested in the facts. It just wanted to want, to revel in its own images of neediness, more than having, or receiving actual answers to its worries.

E. And in the darkness, I saw this clearly. It was like trying to reason with an insane person. The facts didn’t matter.

K. I am learning from what you say – because, for a long time it’s made sense to me that sorrow and sadness are something real, because if you lose something you really want and love, then grief would be a normal response.

E. But once we perceive that this world is not the real world, and that what happens here is just a training program, then there’s no need to have that “funeral in the brain” because everything’s going to be made right in our home world.

Postscript

K. Elenchus, there is something about those images of us studying together, preparing for our future lives, anticipating our marriage – all of that, that whole cluster ideas – that is so devastating to us! I know that in Summerland we won’t be doing homework near my mother’s kitchen table, but there’s something about all this that affects us so very, very profoundly.

E. It touches something very deep inside. Normally, a boy might dream of sharing physical intimacy with the girl he loves -- and, of course, that’s never far from my mind – but I am so undone as I envision us, together, becoming “more,” expanding our spirits, enlarging our souls, and taking our place in the universe as a mature son and daughter of God.