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Word Gems self-knowledge, authentic living, full humanity, continual awakening
Jiddu Krishnamurti
Public Talk 2, London - 31 Mar 1953 excerpts Question: My son is dead. How am I to meet that sorrow? Krishnamurti: Actually, how do we meet sorrow? Do we ever meet it? We do not know what sorrow, is; we are forever running away from it. That is all we know. If I know how to meet it, how to meet the fact, then the fact will do something to me. I cannot do anything about the fact; but I want to do something about it. So my very desire to translate, to interpret the fact, helps me to run away from it. Look, and see what actually happens. My son is dead; and I am in sorrow. So my mind, in pain, in anxiety, in fear wants some consolation. The natural response, not the cultivated response, is, 'I want comfort for that pain, for that fear, for that loneliness'. So I turn to something - to a belief, to a seance, to mediums, to reincarnation, or rationalization of the fact of death - hoping to find some assurance. So, the mind is everlastingly active about the fact. The fact is: my son is dead. And I cannot face it. So the mind begins to invent, symbolize, find assurance, hope, in something. So the mind is never meeting sorrow. When you say `How am I to meet sorrow?', what you are concerned with is not `meeting sorrow', but `how to deal with sorrow', what you should do about sorrow; with what attitude, value, you should look upon it'. So, you are really concerned, not with meeting sorrow but how to have the self-protective attitude with which to meet it. After all, when I have a belief in reincarnation, that I'm going to meet my son next life, I do not meet sorrow. Or, if I resort to a seance, of course I do not meet my sorrow. Or, if I try to forget it by becoming active socially, in dozens of ways, I still avoid sorrow. And that is what we are actually doing... So, the mind is everlastingly finding ways, devices, not to meet the fact. And yet sorrow can only be understood when I meet it. And it is only possible to meet it when the mind is really still, not interpreting, not accepting, not trying to find the reasons, the explanations, not indulging in theories, speculations. When the mind is completely still, not because it wants to understand the fact but because it knows its own process, then only can I meet the extraordinary experience of death... Only when the mind is quiet, completely still, can I understand the fact which is: there is sorrow and there is no explanation. Surely, in such a state of mind, when it is completely silent before the fact of death, something extraordinary happens... But when the mind is not seeking any solution, has no beliefs, has no hope, is completely silent, then only can it meet sorrow. And in that state, sorrow ceases to be.
How to deal with sorrow. Editor’s note: Sorrow, sadness, is a natural human reaction when we suffer loss. As the poet Elizabeth Barrett asserted, we're not made of marble, we have feelings. Emily Dickinson, too, "there is a funeral in my brain." But it can all become pathological when we “move in” and make it permanent. It reveals our metaparadigm of life. It’s probably true to say that everyone has lost a loved one. This is a normal experience in a world that was made to be temporary. The outside observer would be tempted to say to the mourner, "What did you think would happen?"
In my own life, a loss of a loved one, for years, enveloped me like a dark cloud. Finally, I perceived what was happening and freed myself. What many do not understand is that… the ego wants to want, more than it wants to have What does this mean? The dysfunctional ego wants to revel in its neediness. It’s not interested in facts or, as Krishnamirti, above, said, in meeting the sorrow. Consoling the ego, in its worst state, is like trying to reason with an insane person. The facts don’t matter. It wants to grandstand, “Don’t tell me you understand how I feel, nobody can understand how bad it is!” Or, contrariwise, it will seek out similar mourners and, together, in grief-therapy groups, they will reinforce each other, convincing each other, even in a subtle, tacit way, that the universe is a bad place, with lack and poverty everywhere. All of which is meant to imply that the One governing the universe is a no-good-nik. We suffer loss every day here on “the sorrowful planet". Small or large losses. And if the ego is “running the show” in our lives, we run the risk of becoming embittered, raging, dissatisfied. If the insanity gets hold deeply enough, we could send ourselves to dark detention upon crossing over – making company with, as Jesus used the phrase, those who “weep and wail, and gnash their teeth.” "This should not be happening to me," is their theme song. And grief-counseling sessions won’t help us over there, either. How are we to deal with this mental aberration and regain sanity? We regain or embrace sanity for sorrow and grief just as we might do for any mental discord. Krishnamurti would say, we need to "meet the sorrow". How do we meet it? It’s actually not that hard. I’ve experienced the remedy, so I speak from personal experience. Editor’s note: Allow me to interrupt myself to inject, it doesn’t really matter so much if you know about the reality of the next world. This information should help a lot, but, in many cases, people act as if there is no Summerland, as if they’ll never see loved ones again. This means, as Dr. Kastrup pointed out, they’re materialists at heart, and don’t really believe in an afterlife, not down to the rivets. See more discussion on pages like “surrender and acceptance” and “sorrow and sadness,” but, essentially, it’s like this. Don’t run away from the sorrow, as Krishnamurti said, don’t attempt to repress or smother it with some distraction. Instead, do this: Right now, do you feel confused, angry, unforgiving, guilty, sorrowful? – all sorts of mental confusion? It doesn’t matter. They’re all alike when it comes to the solution. What we need is a meeting with “the Immensity,” “Life itself,” the “Creative moment.” Light is the best disinfectant. Do this. Instead of running away from the confusion, simply face it, head on. Mentally face it. There’s a part of you that’s “an observer” of your own thoughts. Shine a mental spotlight of awareness on the confusion. Light is the best disinfectant. Don’t judge the confusion, don’t rail against it, just calmly observe it. The ego hates this. All of your life it’s been operating in the dark, running you ragged by poking and jabbing you, provoking you. But now you’re not going to react. Just observe the confusion. This is a cosmic battle for control of your mind. Be prepared for a wild ride. The ego will try every trick in its arsenal to throw you off. Stay with it. This is a cosmic battle for your mind. You will be exhausted, and then you will say, “This isn’t working,” but it is working. Try to sleep then, if you can. And be prepared for new attacks tomorrow. But here’s what will happen before too long. An oasis of peace will suddenly engulf you. Calm waters, no more storm. But don’t take a victory lap too soon. The ego, like the Terminator, will be back. And then prepare to withstand it all over again. We can’t expect to conquer the ego in an hour when it’s been the ringleader for decades. But know this. Each time it regroups and comes back, it does so with less power. Your awareness drains it of power. This is how you will win. It's a war of attrition. You may lose a fight here and there, the ego will discourage you, but get back in that ring. And after quite a while of this skirmishing – you will begin to be a different person, transformed from the inside out. Real, substantive personal change, not just a new mask. Why? - because you've met Reality, the Life within, the artesian spring of "living waters," and your transformation is now permanent, if you want it to be.
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