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exploring self-realization, sacred personhood, and full humanity


Soulmate, Myself:
Prometheus Denied


23: Madness Maddened 



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K. Is that a knock on our door?

E. Are we expecting anyone?

K. I don’t think so.

(opening the door)

K. Madam Grand Regent! ... How very nice to see you again.

L. Kairissi and Elenchus, you must forgive me for dropping by

K. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to look so surprised… I guess I didn’t…

L. (smiling) You didn’t think I made house calls?

K. (softly laughing) Well, I wouldn’t have put it that way, but I guess so.

L. (smiling)

K. Ohhh… what’s wrong with me. There’s no need for you to stand in our
doorway. Please come in and be at home.

L. Thank you.

E. Please sit down and be comfortable. Would you care for any

L. Thank you, dears, but I shouldn’t stay very long. I don’t want to disrupt
your day too much.

K. No, please… it is so nice to be with you again… you’ve helped me so
much in my life.

L. I wanted to see both of you once more before your trip – to
know how you’re doing. And how are you both doing?

K. Well, Madam Grand Regent –

L. Please… it’s Lateece.

K. Alright… Lateece… we are doing fine. Well… for myself, I’ve been going through a bit of a rollercoaster of emotions, but I’m working through
this, and I will be ok.

L. And you, Elenchus?

E. I guess some of the same, Lateece.

L. I understand… and I could feel your troubled hearts at a distance… so
I wanted to come by and tell you a little story.

K. That’s so very nice of you.

L. A very long time ago, I was a young person here in Summerland, as
you both are, and I found myself about to depart on the same mission
that now beckons you.

K. (sighing)

L. And so, you see, I do understand.

E. Thank you…

L. When you came to those first meetings, you assumed that I’d been
appointed to my position – Kairissi, I think you put it – “because of
excellent character.”

K. Yes… I recall.

L. And I explained that positions of leadership in the Astral Realms are
bestowed by no external authority; that each spiritually-developing soul
intuitively knows where he or she might best render service.

K. I remember feeling a little confused by your answer, Lateece,
because… well, you are a person of such excellent character, and you
are the perfect person to be promoted to do what you do.

L. Thank you for your kindness, child, but, if I may say so, it would be
better if you adopted a more informed view.

K. What do you mean, Lateece?

L. I came to my leadership position not because I’d attended some elitist
“ivy league” executive prep-school … no, dears, none of that.

E. But… you are a person of unparalleled wisdom and highly-developed
spiritual gifts.

L. I’m glad you think so, Elenchus; but now allow me to explain something
of my path to enlightenment.

E. (silence)

L. Have you ever been to the Dark Realms?

K. We’re not yet advanced enough to serve there, but Day Star and Big
Water gave us a brief tour last year. We had to stay close to them and
their protective energy.

L. And what did you see there?

E. There are different levels of chaos – ranging from spirits who are
mildly disoriented from fear or common selfishness, all the way down
to absolutely wretched beings, of criminal and perverted mind, living
in filth and depravity, who have begun to take on the form of animals.

K. Oh, Lateece, being there was such a terrible experience! My skin
crawls to think about it. I don’t understand how people could sink to
such levels. Some of them didn’t even seem to be human anymore.

L. What if I told you that I once “did time in the rat cellar”; moreover, on
one of the lower levels of the Dark Realms.

K. (sighing) Oh, Lateece…

L. Dear children, I once spoke to you of “two great realities”; the first,
relating to the false self, the evil within.

E. I remember.

L. It is not without cause that I am qualified to be a spiritual
teacher… today I am well able to instruct and to warn others
about the nature of Evil… for… I know it so well.

K. (deeply sighing)

L. Both of you have made such progress in these last many weeks. I can
see the greater light in your eyes. But I know you sometimes still wonder,
as I did as a young girl, whether a trip to the Earth is really necessary.

K. I have resolved to go, of course, but… I have to admit, the question
still crosses my mind.

L. That is very normal. As we said in our discussions, greater self-knowledge will yet come to you.

K. (silence)

L. And I know you are far too polite now to ask me, but you would like to
know how it could have happened that I ended up in severe detention?
And so I will tell you. I want you to have this knowledge, as it will help
you in your meditations.

K. Thank you, Lateece; but… I guess I’m a little frightened now… if such
a horror could happen to you, a most fine person, what hope do I have?

L. First of all, Kairissi, remember what we discussed: There are no elites
in God’s kingdom. There are no favorite children. You have the same
potential for spiritual advancement as any soul in the universe.
And tell
me quickly now, what is the differing element in all people?

K. It is the level of consciousness.

L. Good. That is the right answer. And some day you shall not only believe it but will know it to be correct.

K. (deeply sighing)

L. Now let me tell you what happened to me – and maybe my story
will help. I was a spirited young girl. While my ideals were lofty, I often
burdened myself with outbursts of petulance. I was afflicted, as they
say, with “the vice of the virtuous,” an intolerance of others. I imagined
myself to be better.
On the advice of my Guides, I agreed to a tour of
duty on the Earth. I felt that I was “good enough” to avoid major mishap.
I had not yet come to know the darkness within.

E. Did you go to the Earth with your Twin?

L. No, I met him there; but, as is often the case, we could not be together

K. Did you miss him very much?

L. On a certain level, yes, I missed him more than my own life. But, my
ego had manufactured reasons to hate him. I felt unfairly treated. And
how I began to rage against him! In my self-righteousness, nothing could
console me.

K. (softly) I’m so sorry.

L. My heart was filled with darkness, a frenzied gall of bitterness. How I
hated him, hated God, hated life – and most of all, I hated myself.

K. (sighing)

L. And when it came time for me to pass from the Earth, I took this great
darkness with me, and so I naturally found accommodation in the Lower
Realms. Dear children, allow me to offer you one of the great truths of
eternal life.

K., E. (silence)

L. The Universe will never judge us, no matter what we do. It will never
condemn; instead, the Universe accommodates our choices.

K. You mean… if one’s heart is filled with darkness, the Universe will
facilitate the harvest of that choice?

L. It is like that.

E. Lateece, I just had a blast of insight. If the Universe goes to such
lengths to accommodate our choices, even bad ones; if so much trouble
is allowed for our education; our potential must be a grand one indeed.

L. Elenchus, you are catching the glorious vision of “made in the image.”
We are to become co-creators with Ultimate Divinity. Someday, after a
process of refinement, our minds will bring things into being simply by
the power of thought.

E. (in a quiet voice) Lateece, what is it like to live in the Dark Realms?

L. It is difficult to explain. Herman Melville used a phrase that comes
close to what I want to say – a “madness maddened,” an insanity of
overweening seething hatred, as Ahab harbored for the great white
whale. Our Brother Joshua conveyed the same sentiment with his
phrase, “weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth.”

K. Were your Guides able to help you?

L. Yes, eventually; but it wasn’t that simple.

K. (sighing) What happened?

L. (very softly weeping) You must excuse me; even though all this
happened ten thousand years ago, the memory of that suffering never
altogether recedes; nor should it. What I learned then was more than
priceless. It is now part of my wisdom.

K. (sighing)

L. I will try to explain the meaning of “madness maddened.” It is possible
to sink so low, to be so taken over by the small ego, that no white rose
of divine love can stir one’s heart.

K. (silence; softly weeping)

L. Those in the grips of that kind of madness care for nothing, least of
all themselves. They do not care if they themselves are hurt or if those
they once loved are hurt. The madness can be so virulent that one might
invite to oneself even greater suffering, if only another could be dragged
into the gutter to be hurt as well.

E. That truly is “madness maddened.” How did you get out of that

L. There are specialist “missionary” guides who work in the Dark Realms.
They debate the best way to help such unfortunates. I have come to see
that it’s possible to debase oneself so much that self-recovery is most
unlikely. And I think Joshua intimated as much when he said, “forgive
them, they don’t know what they’re doing.” Those overwhelmed by
“madness maddened,” in truth, do not know what they’re doing, and,
effectively, have lost their self-initiating capacity to respond to love.

E. Could someone become so evil as to kill the soul?

L. Our best thinkers believe the answer to be no. Though it be reduced
to a dying ember of divine life, the soul is never altogether extinguished.
Even in the most depraved there still retains some lingering consciousness-link to Mother-Father God.

E. This must be the reason why teachers say that, one day, all shall find
their way out of the Dark Realms.

L. I think that opinion is a true one; but, those thus afflicted are unlikely
to revive themselves – they must be rescued. Such is the great calamity,
the potential for catastrophic evil, within each human being.

K. I hear what you’re saying, but I really don’t understand. How
is it possible for a decent person to turn the other way and sink so low?

L. There could be many reasons; but, as we referenced from the Spirit
Guide Margaret, distorted romantic love sends more people to the Dark
Realms than any other cause. And so it was with me. You asked how I
got out. I was there for many years – just stewing in my acidic thoughts
of revenge and hatred. But my loyal Guides never left me and would try
to send encouraging thoughts. These I resisted for a long time. And later,
the one whose soul I was meant to eternally love, my Twin, also came,
pleading with me. But I could not accept him at first, and simply cursed
him and raged at him for what I imagined as his wrongs against me.
But, in his longsuffering, he did not give up on me, and he would come
to me almost daily, weeping with me, telling me how much he loved
me, telling me that he would wait for me, no matter how long the wait.
Finally, because my misery grew to such intolerable levels, and because
he was so persistent in his love, finally, I began to open my heart to him.

(softly weeping)

K. (softly weeping) Did you get to go to Summerland then?

L. (sighing) No, dear, not right away. And I couldn’t be with him yet
all the time, either. My Guides took me to a better place, but in small
stages. The vibrations of my spirit, while improving, were not yet fit for
Summerland; but as more and more light entered my heart, I found
myself suited to better environments.

K. Why couldn’t you be with your lover all the time right away?

L. I had “unfinished homework to hand in.” I needed my time alone to
review my life, to think about what had happened, the causes of my
suffering, and mainly, what I had done to myself. I had to “make my own
music pure.” I had to find myself before I could be with him.

K. (whispering) You lost yourself first, and that’s why you lost him.

L. (softly weeping) That is correct. But, the good news is that once I
decided to “enter the Light,” my progress was rapid. I wanted to be with
my Twin so much, so very much, that I decided I would do anything to
improve myself. And with the advice of my Guides, I did just that, and
before too long, we were together – and have been so, ever since.

K. (softly weeping)

L. You know, dear friends, let me tell you something about the spirituality
of women. In our earlier discussions we spoke of how the female tends
to be more in touch with the energy-flows of her body and, as such,
awakens first to love. That’s all well and good. She has an advantage, in
that sense, over the male. But there’s a potential dark side to her natural
gift. Let all be warned. Whatever has capacity for greater good, greater
love, has an equal aptitude for greater evil.
It is my perception, and I have
reason to know, that the most debased creatures in the Dark Realms are
females. When they fall, they can fall very hard and very far. Their evil is
potentially most internalized and most pervasive. Internalizing emotion
is what a woman does, naturally. As such, when this is misdirected and
perverted, she is harder to win back than the male. When a woman hates
you, I mean, hates you in her soul, she does not give up so easily. And
that, as Brother Joshua used the phrase, is “darkness indeed.”

E. And now we know why, having survived this tumult, you are
the one qualified to offer leadership to large numbers of immature souls.

L. It’s quite a leadership training program, isn’t it?

E. Yes… and now I also know why there’s so much room at the
top. You have to go through literal hell to get there.

L. That’s right.

K. Lateece… I admire you so much… if I could grow up to be like someone of my choosing, it would be you.

L. (sighing)

K. (beginning to softly weep) But, dear mother, I have to admit to you,
I am frightened about what might happen to me on the Earth. You say
that you were petulant. (sighing) I am no stranger to the same. And I’m
wondering if I might fall into a similar trap. And so, Lateece, though we’ve
been over this many times, could you explain to me again why I have to
put myself, and my Twin, in this dangerous situation? (softly weeping)

L. How I love you, dear child. I cannot look upon you but to see myself.

K. (deeply sighing)

L. I want to reformulate things we’ve talked about, so that it will make
sense to you.

K. (deeply sighing, whispering) Ok…

L. Allow me to begin this way… Not every soul will attain the very highest
heights of development; as we've said, not everyone even goes to the Earth.

K. Some will choose to remain one-gallon buckets?

L. It seems so… but, dear daughter… I see the spirit of excellence in your heart. You two are alike. You both want to do so well, and you want to honor God and do your part to advance the common good.

K. Yes… I do… we do…

L. This means that your required path of training will be more rigorous
than most...
It means that you will have to journey to the center of your fears, such that, when you emerge from that personal pit of hell, you will know, within yourself, that there is nothing, at all, left to frighten you. You will know yourself well enough that, with confidence, you will be able to say, “If required, I now know I can face anything.”

K. Wouldn’t I have to be a super-woman to do that?

L. No, dear – not a super-woman; just a fully mature and aware daughter
of God – just as Mother-Father designed you to be.

K. But, Lateece. That seems too much. What do you mean, “face
anything”? Don’t I have limits to what I can do? Aren’t some things just
too hard?

L. Alright… give me a scenario that is your worst nightmare.

K. I suppose… living in one of the lowest “rat cellars.”

L. Paint the details.

K. The stench is unbelievable – it’s like living in an open sewer of rotting
excrement and body parts. I am covered in lice and maggots. And people
are killing each other – or attempting to – they can’t die, but they’re
trying to brutalize each other.

L. Go on.

K. But they’re not really people; or, at least, not anymore. They’re part
human and part animal, with hooves and tails and claws. And they have
sunken eyes that burn with hatred. And there’s a lot of screaming and

L. And while all this is going on, what are you doing in this nightmare?

K. There are rats and lizards scurrying everywhere. And I’m cowering in a corner. I’m trying to avoid the fighting and the screaming insane people. The sewer stench is making me very ill. And I’m feeling abandoned and very frightened. I don’t know where Elenchus is, and I've lost hope of seeing him again.

L. I’ve seen these things in the Lower Realms. Is this your worst

K. It’s hard for me to think of anything worse.

L. Well, if this represents your greatest fear, allow me to offer instruction
as to what you must do if this were to become your lot...
You must seek shelter within. When you’re cowering in that corner, covered in lice and maggots, you must go within – into the holy of holies of your deepest person… and you must drink of the sweet waters of that hidden artesian spring of which Joshua spoke.

K. How can I feel that hidden spring when I’m covered in filth
and being threatened on every side?

L. You must say what brother Joshua said…

K. (whispering) What did he say?

L. He said… “All they can do is kill my body” – and that’s not very much.

K. (sighing)

L. The small ego will be preaching to you that “I don’t have enough” and
that “I am not enough.”

K. But… wouldn’t it be true that I do not have enough?

L. Only in the external world of form. On the deeper level, your inner
person remains unsullied, invincible, invulnerable – absolutely perfect.

K. Ok… I think I might understand what you’re wanting me to see.

L. Kairissi, dear, to become a mature daughter of God, you must gain a
clear perception of the deep riches that lie within your person.

E. Lateece… I want to be a good person – for myself, for Kairissi, and for
all. But… I must be very honest with you… I didn’t know that so much
would be required of me.

L. I’m sure that you did not… few do…

E. And you’re saying I must directly confront my deepest fears?

L. My dear Elenchus… You are a son of God. You were “made in the
image.” Divine potential is part of your spiritual DNA. There is more
wonder and marvel built into your inner person than you can process.

E. (silence)

L. You are like the fictional Earth-character, Clark Kent. See him now. He’s a young man, like you, hitch-hiking in the Canadian north, seeking for
work in logging camps and on oil rigs.

He knows he has special abilities, but he hasn’t come to terms with his real identity. He hasn’t explored what he’s truly made of. He doesn’t know, or doesn’t want to admit, that he could be flying instead of thumbing-a-ride. He will not accept the testimony of his own soul that… he’s Superman.

E. Ok, Lateece, I get what you’re saying. But how will I learn what I’m
made of?

L. You two have agreed to endure a most rigorous Earth-training, the
“PhD” level of development. Your Guides will be carefully constructing
for you “your worst nightmare.” You will enter that horrific world and
live there, for some time, during which it will seem to be endless. But
when you finally come out the other side, you’ll know what you’re made
of. When you’ve lost so much that there’s nothing left to lose, when all
of the ego-supports are taken from you, then you’ll find out what’s real.

K., E. (silence)

L. My children… Let me put it this way… What use is it to have the gift of
immortality, of indestructibility, the seeds of godlike potentiality, if you
live in constant fear of loss, privation, and death?

E. I never thought of it that way before!

K. Oh, Lateece… dear mother. What a thought! I begin to
understand what you’re trying to tell me. I have been given all these
divine abilities, but, unless I rid myself of fears, my heritage will remain
mere potential and never realized!

L. Yes, dear… that’s it exactly. What use is it to have been given the
“fullness of all,” if one still whispers to oneself, “I am not enough.”

E. (deeply sighing)

L. My son, I know how much you love this fine girl next to you. There is
nothing that you would not do for her...
In truth, there is but one thing that you need do for her – because, if you can do that, then all the rest will easily flow.

E. And what must I do for Kairissi?

L. You must face your greatest nightmare-fear. And when you discover
that it is but a paper tiger, with no power to hurt you, then the
“Superman” within can be unleashed.

E. And then I can become who I really am?

L. It is like that. Think about what we’re really saying here. Think about
the personal power. What would it be like to perceive that no fear, no
threat, has even the least control over you! Can you begin to grasp the
sense of self-mastery? Our personal terrors currently are a “glass ceiling”
keeping us within well-defined boundaries. But you were not created to
live “behind the guard-rails.”

E. (silence)

L. Dear children, a son or daughter of God was not meant to be tethered
or curfewed; instead, God’s children are to bend reality to their sanctified
purposes. They are to create new expressions of what is and might be –
based upon a holy desire to further the common good.

K. (silence)

L. Dear daughter, you, to Elenchus, were made to be the very
personification of Love; and he, to you, will yet become the embodiment
of Wisdom.

K. (sighing)

L. But Wisdom, if it mourns the loss of its Love, will hang its head in
disillusioned sorrow; if it cannot find its only Love, Wisdom will lose
itself in grief and soon begins to question whether life itself is worth
living. Wisdom, if it experiences the searing trauma of Love’s delay, will
be unwilling to initiate any great adventures.

E. I already feel that way, and I’ve told Kairissi so. I’ve
said that there will be no heaven for me without her.

L. Of course. All Twins feel that way.

K. I just wish that when I enter that “worst nightmare,” I could do
it without losing Elenchus.

L. Dear girl, keep in mind, as we’ve discussed – before you can have
Elenchus, in that ultimate sense which you crave, you must first gain
yourself, your true self.

K. (deeply sighing)

L. Well, dear children, I’m expecting good things from you. As I said from
the start, I see the seeds of greatness in each of you. And we need you in
“the Family” to help bring all intelligent life in the universe into harmony
with God.

K. It is an honor to be considered for this great task.

L. Allow me to encourage you with this: It is not necessary to live on the
lowest levels of hell to do well spiritually. Do not do what I did. That’s
overkill, the very hardest way, and not part of God’s recommended

K. (sighing)

L. You’ve agreed to endure the “betrayal experience” while on Earth.
That ordeal, for Twins, is their “worst nightmare” and vastly sufficient to
teach all that they will ever need to know about the evil within. It will
summon forth, from the depths of being, a darkness most dark. You must
use the “betrayal experience” as your time of sacred aloneness; a time to
“make your music pure”; a time of solitude to find both your own truest
self and God within.

E. Thank you, Lateece.

L. And now, dear children, I must leave you, as you both have much to do.

K. Will we see you again before our departure?

L. Perhaps not, sweetheart, but… I know that we will be friends
for a very long time.

K. Thank you, so very much… Madam Grand Regent … dear mother…

L. (smiling)