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The Perfect Mate
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Editor’s note: In the year 2000, when Word Gems was new, I wrote an essay entitled The Perfect Mate. It’s always been one of my favorite writings; however, as I’ve come to see over the years, it fails us on a certain level. Kairissi and Elenchus, below, discuss a missing element.
But let's encourage ourselves. There’s nothing terrible about having a mate with perfect attributes. In Summerland, with expanded powers of mind, any diligent person will be able to secure for oneself an imposing array of talents and abilities. But this is not how we begin. We will not find “the perfect mate” by going shopping for the most impressive letter-of-recommendation.
Even so, may I share with you my early writing? Most of the following was written near the year 2000. I think you’ll like it. Some of it, a vision of future happiness, I’ve always found to be quite moving and inspiring.
She will, of course, be intelligent. She is attractive by any standard, but her keen mind lends to her an aura of princess-like nobility. She impresses you in an effortless way, without trying to impress.
Her eyes and entire visage glow with presence-of-mind quiet confidence; without this cerebral element she would be just another pretty face; with it, however, she is goddess-like. She knows she need not feign blondness with me. I like her being smart - the smarter the better.
Without sacrificing an Athena-like heavenliness, she’s quite down-to-earth: former freckled-faced tomboys are encouraged to apply. This venus-in-blue-jeans is unassuming, easy to talk to; moreover, keenly aware of those intimate moments, at times, when her lover finds it difficult to speak, to breathe, in her presence; but, without calling attention to his infirmity, she helps him regain illusion that he’s in charge.
While she does not anger easily, having learned to control her free-and-wild spirit, cloaking it now with grace and sublimity, never doubt that she is self-respecting; for, when required, she can be assertive as MacArthur. read my lipstick, don't cross her.
There is something about her allure difficult to describe. As stated, she is attractive but not in a carnival way. To view her is to invite perceptions, not merely of a "good time on a Saturday night" but, of a sacred destiny of eternal love.
By this I do not mean that her charm is plain-vanilla. If she chose to, she might enticingly flaunt herself, and more, with the best of the unscrupled celebrity culture. But, she would never merchandise herself, hawking her wares, attempting to commandeer and ensnare. She eschews the profane and vulgar, the gaudy and meretricious, hollywood-appeal.
With an unacquired loveliness and excellence of mind, she attracts and enthralls in a pure and wholesome way. She is like the truth when we find it, beautiful in its simplicity, an elegance of assumption; hers is a natural and unadorned beauty, a forthcoming and guileless beauty. She seems to embody traditional archetypal norms, personifying "the girl next door" with her uncomplicated and sweet familiarity, a living universal precept of all that a girl should be. This easily-flowing essence of her unpretentious and authentic spirit is something mesmerizing, a virtual mystical experience to behold.
She loves animals and cannot hide her tender feelings for a little creature in need; that public persona of hers, one exuding a certain measure of congenial reserve, shields a reservoir of passion, which fractures when a fuzzball crosses her path.
Her gentle heart and humanistic empathy extend equally to all, particularly to the disadvantaged of society, as she seeks opportunities in her life to render aid. She is non-judgmental and understands. Ever the consummate beneficent one, this evolved soul employs, not just her formidable intellect, but her refined people-skills to hospitably serve and put others at ease. This is why, ever-aware of others' insecurities, and displaying high social IQ, she always smiles upon entering a room. She perceives that the essence of courtesy devolves to respecting all people.
She loves the fine arts, knows why they are important, promotes them as guardians of civilization's soul, and teaches me about them. This involvement in all things aesthetic, if it were possible, makes her even more fascinating to me. I am in love with her outward form, but, no less so, she well understands, with her beautiful mind and spirit.
Editor's note: Oscar Wilde once quipped, referring to the fine arts, that "all art is quite useless"; that is, serves no utilitarian purpose. Wilde's humor is explained by Mortimer Adler. Probably most people would guess that the meaning of "fine" here means "excellent," "very good," or "refined." Adler enlightens us: The etymological root of "fine" is the same as that found in "final." The implication is most interesting. The fine arts are those which are created as ends in themselves - just for the sheer enjoyment of them, without mundane thoughts of utility. Their aim is to delight, to inspire, to enthrall. This is why the "fine arts," in both French and German, are referred to as "the beautiful arts." In contrast, the "useful arts" speak to those works of human contrivance serving various needful purposes, ones of means rather than ends; for example, the production of brooms, bottles, and top hats. The Perfect Mate, an enlightened person, one living on Maslow's level of Beauty, reflects an advanced-soul status by surrounding herself with the wondrous and marvelous, things of refinement and good taste, and does so simply for the joy of it; an activity, Wilde labeled as "quite useless." [smile] It strikes me that romance, properly viewed, is a fine art, an end in itself, to be pursued for its own sake, for the sake of love alone. But John and Mary do not see romance as fine art; for them, it's all "useful art," a means to another end, all those utilitarian, but dysfunctional, reasons for marriage.
Perceiving that my greatest desire in life is to make her happy, to please her, she communicates to me, in many different ways that, in fact, she can be pleased; a sweet symbiosis. Exercising her goddess prerogatives, she rightfully desires to be adored, and it is my good pleasure to eternally worship this Beatific Vision of Loveliness. She is the prettiest girl in the world to me, and the former heartthrob of many who would have taken my place.
And while she has more than enough firepower in terms of alluring outward form, this is not why I am endeared to her; why absence from her pains me so -- it's that exuding joy of hers as she greets me. There is that sense about her, sometimes subtle but always palpable, of wanting to rejoice with me, of being so happy just to see me, to simply be with me, to share life with me. All this creates for me, subsuming the joy, a sense of complete safety, of being totally accepted by her, of delicious "coming home" and "familiarity" simply to be with her, of mysterious complementarity.
Dr. John Welwood, Journey of the Heart: “Whenever our heart opens to another person, we experience a moment of unconditional love… [our hearts,] opening and responding to another person’s being without reservation... something vast inside us connects with something vast in another. The other person’s sheer existence awakens us... When we are loved in this way, we feel acknowledged, seen, nourished, held… we rejoice in another person’s very existence."
Her entire Person projects an aura of authenticity. I trust her. My secrets, all that lies hidden within my spirit, all this is safe with her; moreover, I trust her to cherish me, to value and honor my very existence. There is no greater form of trust.
I harbor certain long-ago memories of her stolen glances, furtively studying me, even, with intense longing, but, in these, she never flirted with me, never “played a role,” was always authentic, never wanting anything from me but just me. Yes... I know why I cannot bear to be apart from her. And in that shimmering-glistening-sparkling radiance of all that she is, but only to me; that hidden person of the heart, one that manifests, but only in my presence; my deepest self no longer feels alone.
Concerning her physical attributes of beauty, strangely, what she offers seems to be exactly what I always wanted in "my girl"... exactly what I wanted... how strange; moreover, I learn about what my deepest soul requires by what she brings to me, for whatever she brings to me becomes my private definition of "perfect" and "exactly right."
I now realize, before Heaven revealed her identity, that my troubled soul had always searched for her. I'd looked for her in every female face and form that ever crossed my path, even since I was a boy; eventually, but not without suffering, I would learn to accept no substitutes; that, it would not be possible for me to love another.
To the world, she presents a professional demeanor; but I am treated to the secret identity of this supergirl; that coy look of hers, just for me; those bejeweled eyes emanating "all that's best of dark and bright"; that indefinable spark of sublime humor; that impish and knowing smile which playfully taunts; that vibrant cooing tone, a siren-music of utter sweetness, laced with undercurrent of that rejoicing to be with me; that flash of her eyes communicating, I see what you think is funny, I know you very well.
And, as we laugh together, she in my arms, I realize that these shared moments of playful banter, of teasing pillow-talk, represent the height of eroticism.
She, as I, has her own sphere of activities, her own projects. But there is no sense of competition in any of this, as each, unilaterally, surrenders to the other, and relegates to secondary status, all things in life in favor of our One-Person devotion. These offerings of fealty - the other's prized possessions and projects - having been received, are then mutually returned, now, forever subservient and second-class to our common love; that common love which ever whispers, you belong to me, I belong to you, and no one or no thing could ever be as important.
Her name - that mystical name, ever a whisper on my lips, which, even at its casual mentioning, even after so long a time, still sends my spirit soaring, at speeds exceeding escape velocity - that name, written on my very soul; as mine finds sacred inscription and is sealed upon hers. Others can detect, when she is away, my true feelings; though I attempt to present a nonchalant exterior as I do not like being labeled as one having "just returned from a honeymoon," my mask, "held up with two hands," as Elizabeth Barrett used the phrase, slips and cannot protect as both family members and near-strangers have been known to impolitely tease, "He lights up at the mere mention of her name."
She's not afraid, at all, to look me in the eyes, hard, straight-on, because she is my equal, and she knows it. I know it, too, without which knowledge, and status of mirror-opposite sameness, I could not love her as I do.
She is a force; and, at times, it would be more accurate to say that I am her equal. In mutual submission, one to the other, I expect her to lead in those areas where she is most proficient, as she expects the same of me in my own domain... I rest in her competence and trustworthiness.
there are Spirit-Guides who assert that Woman, all things considered, in her maturest state, is stronger, wiser, more capable, than Man
The following channeled information is from Flashes of Light from the Spirit-land, through the mediumship of Mrs. J. H. Conant, by Allen Putnam , Frances Ann Conant, 1872.
"Woman is mentally, morally, socially, and spiritually the equal of man, we do certainly know. Physically, she is his inferior, and by being physically inferior to man, she is raised [in terms of divine compensation] just so much higher in the spiritual scale, has become just so much more spiritual, just so much more intuitive, just so much in advance of man, with regard to the things of the real life..
"The man [in this world] knows generally more about [commerce and business] than the woman. Why? Because he [is not smarter but] has lived more in that [business] atmosphere than she… has become more accustomed to and assimilated with these conditions than the woman has; therefore, considering the case in that light, he should stand pre-eminent to the woman in regard to this particular kind of wisdom.
"But when considered from another stand-point, the woman rises above him [even in this]; and it is from this stand-point that we behold her spiritually his superior, even in this respect [concerning commerce]. Her intuitions being more unfolded, it is sometimes very possible that [teachers] in the spirit-world may be able to shed their influence upon the woman with regard to what is best to be done even in the things of this life.
"The woman may be able to receive the very best portion of spiritual knowledge with regard to the things here, while the man's senses may be entirely closed to them. And as man stands side by side with woman, and as God recognizes them both as standing upon one plane of life, it behooves both to seek to understand each other, and in seeking to understand, you seek to improve each other, too. Woman should lend of her wisdom to the man, and the man should lend of his physical strength to the woman."
Editor’s note: Why is Woman considered superior to Man? – because she is in closer touch with her inner energies, the Guides say, “her intuitions being more unfolded". In other words, she’s often a better conduit and channel for God or the Spirit’s influence. There are the old jokes, containing a kernal of truth. about a couple on a car-trip who lose direction. She wants to stop and ask somebody, but he, the macho one, insists on plowing ahead.
But, what is this strange notion of her as my equal? I see her, just now, her petite self, lying beside me; my hands, larger, envelop her delicate ones; my arms easily eclipse that exquisite slenderness; and yet, my spirit informs me, warns me, that her office of equality is no sinecure; that she is an energy not to be denied, one demanding audience, when her spirit moves her to be heard.
What is this sense of equality? What is this utter familiarity about her? I am haunted by the strange likeness! She seems just like me! Why is it, sometimes, when I hear her voice, I hear myself; when I look into her eyes, that aliveness of sacred consciousness, I see myself? Why do I sometimes feel, even that, she is myself in another form? What does this mean?
She loves children and desires to discuss with me whether this joyous burden, of the adopted or natural variety, could be part of our lives.
She is a leader in her working life; at times, a businesswoman. I defer to her studied opinion and judgment. She can buy land, supervise the construction of a house, negotiate for bargains, deal with workmen. Her true-grit and determination allow her to do anything she sets her mind on.
But, later, after the day's activities, in shared sacred aloneness, in the consecrated darkness, as she receives my wordless midnight confession, absolving me of my many faults, her tender voice, like the softness of the proverbial gentle dove - a faint whispering tone of solicitous and erotic cooing - soothes my troubled spirit; and my pain becomes her own; my tears fall from her eyes; my soul's anguish issues from the heart lying next to mine.
I have not yet recovered, have not yet been made whole, from that time of endless trauma, that time of absence from her; that dark time of 3 AM shadows, of the silent Greek chorus haunting lonely bedroom walls, their muted voices, now lamenting, with me, the endless nightmare of my having once lost her.
Sometimes, when we lie in the darkness, saying nothing, just silently touching foreheads...
... just reveling in our darling companionship, I remember those old days when I missed her so. I died every day without her then… and so… I no longer fear death... only the terror of losing her, a far greater death. Truly, she is my life - and what good is this legal fiction I disingenuously claim as “life” without her vivifying touch? “She is my life,” for me, is no banal platitude as I have experienced the profound despair, again, the endless nightmare, of living so-called “life” without her. There is a reason why Adam’s Twin-Soul, Eve, was prepared for him while he languished in a death-trance.
In her mystical presence I am granted vision of comforting solace from Heaven; and in this moment of ecstatic revelation, I see that ours is an unending love, one that will transcend this ephemeral world; will continue on, into the next; that there is but One Life, whether enjoyed here or in the world to come - One Life welded together, a cosmic unity, with no break of separation, as we shall not lose what we have here, but only continue with, and add to, such affinity, even in future worlds; for us, there is no demarcated present life and afterlife, but only the seamless One Life.
The longer I am with her, the more I realize that my love for her far exceeds simple eroticism. While pleasures of the body will always command attention, I now perceive that she brings to me a full package of soul-cradling delights on multiple levels of being:
a consuming and captivating sense of like-mindedness and accord; a multi-faceted and delicious unity, a mutual similarity, comprised of shared education, purpose, aspiration, culture, intellectual pursuit, heritage, community, spirituality, consciousness -- producing, within me, an astonishing realization of "having arrived" at wholeness and completeness; that is, having arrived with her, my "missing half." She is so much like me, the deepest hidden-person part of me, that what I want most from her is simply to be with her, to experience and to live all of life with her - yes, most of all, just to do all things with her. Not without cause does ancient wisdom speak of ultimate and spiritual marriage as two becoming One Person.
As a young man, these "soul-cradling delights" were too high for me. I could not understand and appreciate such things, placed little value on them. Before her coming, that is, to my awareness, I had no idea that a harmonizing panoply of elements of life and personhood that we share could mean so much; moreover, I now understand that our mutual sense of "you are just like me" could not have happened by accident. This was a cosmic "set up," a result of behind-the-scene orchestration. Now, when I see her smile, I also see God's tremendous gift to me, custom-crafted and long in the making. No fortuity, the true marriage is an arranged marriage, one "made in Heaven," or not at all.
She becomes, for me, the Transforming Fire, by which process of purging alchemy, my heart, my soul, is led into something new, "something never seen before." I am directed, drawn higher, by her pureness, to a more advanced level of consciousness and personal development. I feel myself being perfected, virtually, lifted beyond myself, with my spirit expanding, merely to know her.
That dazzling radiance, resident in her wondrous eyes, heralds a spiritual message, one just for me: that I, in this life, and probably in the one to come, shall not be nearer to God than the beatific vision of all that she is to me. Was she not "made in the image"? Why then should she not reveal God to me?
I finally understand why stardust seems to fill the air whenever she is near. I call it "stardust," but I now perceive that this seeming effervescence is but the energy of my own soul pulsating with luminescent vitality, evolving, throwing off sparks, when her image invades my spirit.
Yes... stardust... nuclear fusion with photon-emission as by-product. True love is chemistry, as they say, but it's physics, too; quantum, not Newtonian.
And in a blissful nightly ritual that symbolizes our sacred oneness, having whispered to each other our prayers and affirmations of love, we fall asleep, in each other's arms:
happy, a happiness beyond an earthly happiness; secure, a security quietly and drowsily rejoicing – rejoicing in this: an intoxicating perception of our One-Person sense of mysterious familiarity; a sweet awareness of shared cosmic destiny; our "marriage of spirits," a bond of utmost exclusivity, allowing each of us, in sated well-being, to possess – possess absolutely, unendingly, as cherished treasure -- the other.
hold each other close the whole night through
"Wouldn't It Be Nice" (1966)
|wouldn't it be nice if we were older, then we wouldn't have to wait so long, and wouldn't it be nice to live together, in the kind of world where we belong, you know it's gonna make it that much better, when we can say goodnight and stay together, wouldn't it be nice if we could wake up, in the morning when the day is new, and after having spent the day together, hold each other close the whole night through…
Kairissi. These lyrics make me smile. Notice how it’s round-the-clock togetherness and holding each other. It goes from waking up in the morning, and then, having spent the day together, they hold each other close the whole night through.
Elenchus. (smiling) Nice work if you can get it.
K. And the funny thing is, it doesn’t seem too much to me.
E. Are you in love or something?
K. (sighing) There is something incredibly sweet about being with the one you love. It’s like, you can’t get filled up or feel satisfied, and you just want to be with him all the time. Are feelings like this only infatuation or could this be the way it really is?
E. I think… we’ll want to come up for air now and again, but… yes… I think this is pretty much the way it’s supposed to be.
K. I want to live that way. I want to be so in love, all the time, that I’ll want to spend every day with you, and then hold you close the whole night through.
K. Elenchus… why did we waste so much time? You and I both know that, even as children, down deep, we loved each other. Why did we have to take such a long road home? Why did we have to miss out on so many nights when we could have held each other?
E. Kriss… you know that we’ve been over this and over this… you know the answers now.
K. I know but… sometimes it just hurts so much… why don’t you tell me again, one more time.
E. There are many channeled testimonies from Guides on the other side who address this question; but maybe there’s one you haven’t seen. The trance-medium William W. Aber brought through this teaching:
“The law of repulsion oftentimes works so strongly in the elementary conditions of mortals [i.e. the early years of youth] that much of their success in life is denied them until they ascend to advancing years. The action of this same law is responsible for holding apart soul mates upon the earth plane. While the law of repulsion is sometimes a great trouble to [lovers] in taking away from us what we most desire, yet without it the great law of attraction would be almost powerless, for the objects which are repulsed very often, and at last come into a vibration with the law of attraction, this law becomes, under such circumstances, very much stimulated, and taking up these adverse vibrations feeds upon them, and becomes mighty, and traveling with the velocity of lightning brings together the objects desired…
K. There’s a lot to this, but… I feel that every word applies to our situation. It seems that what they call “the law of repulsion" is the flip side of “the law of attraction.”
E. I don't think you can have one without the other. It's a way of waking up to each other.
K. And the measure of the early-years repulsion becomes the reciprocal extreme delight of the later-years attraction.
E. It reminds me of the old movies where you could tell who would get married at the end by how much they didn’t like each other in the beginning.
K. Yes - and notice that the natural forces of the immature soul are “responsible for holding apart soul mates” during their early years.
E. Natural forces, true, but I think it’s also the Guides pulling our strings and making sure that things don’t work out too early for destined Twins.
K. It’s similar to the author's saying, "like a farcical dream in which nothing could be made to go right."
E. Even before I read the testimony of trance-medium Aber, I felt or sensed that we had been forcibly held apart during those early years. Nobody can be that unlucky for so many years with everything constantly going wrong for us.
K. I suppose it’s correct to say that the Guides kept us apart; although, it wasn't so hard - all they had to do was hit our hot-buttons, and then we’d get angry about something – so we were easy to control and lead around by the halter.
E. The Guides don’t make mistakes. They know what they're doing and how to arrange things for Twins' long-term best outcome. From our point of view, it can seem like manipulation or unfair practice, but, from their higher perspective, they’re preparing a proto-Twin couple to be able to live together – and not just live together like some jaded John-and-Mary couple "down here in hell", but – to live together in happiness and profound delight, and not just for a while but unendingly.
K. “The Guides don’t make mistakes.” And so I suppose all that happened to us, and all that didn’t, had a grand purpose to it - and that it was, and is, all worth it.
E. What do you really think about this?
K. It’s playing for keeps, and the Guides superintending these formative Twin relationships won’t let you come together until you're truly ready, until the ego is well subdued, until one’s character has been purged and tested in the fires of great trial and many sorrows.
E. There's a separate channeled testimony via Aber that asserts that not only do few-to-no Twins come together while on Earth, but even in Summerland this is relatively rare. For most, it happens in the later worlds. This whole process of Twins getting ready spiritually to be together is far harder than most people know.
K. But, at the end of that long ordeal…
E. It's like the Beach Boys song...
K. “then, we wouldn't have to wait so long”
E. “then, wouldn't it be nice to live together, in the kind of world where we belong”
K. “wouldn’t it be nice to be married, then we could be happy”
E. “wouldn't it be nice if we could wake up, in the morning when the day is new"
K. “and after having spent the day together"
E. “then to hold each other close the whole night through”
K. Oh, Ellus... “wouldn’t it be nice... to say goodnight and stay together?”
K. You know what I’m thinking with this sweet song? – everybody wants this, and everybody pretty much begins a relationship or a marriage thinking they’ll be the exceptions to the rule; they’ll be the first ones in history to really make this work and find lasting happiness. But, as we know, almost everyone fails.
E. We have to do this right. Ordinary feelings of boy-meets-girl will not take us to where we want to go in this whole thing.
Like two islands connected at the deep, like two trees with roots intermingled below, the Sacred Couple, lover and beloved, discover themselves to share a mystical and spiritual nexus, hidden to the rest of the world; earlier, hidden even to themselves, but finally revealed -- to their awe and wonderment, an amazement of love! -- in one blazing cosmic moment of clarity.
connected at the deep
"two islands connected at the deep"
an ocean-floor topographical map of the Midway Islands; which, more properly construed, are a chain of connected, but submerged, sister-mountains
Later, even in the next life, these lovers will bring to mind that first stirring, Gibran's "first sight," the first moment of "coming alive," when they realized who they are to each other. All things became new in that moment. And in that future time, she will smile that small smile of hers and ask, "Do you remember the time..." -- and, with no need to ponder an answer, he will respond, "Yes, beloved, I remember... I remember little else."
Kairissi. The author reports that, when the above writing was new, he received a letter from a girl at an Eastern ivy-league college who exclaimed that some of it was so beautiful she didn’t know what to say or how to respond. I’m betting she was thinking of the section of lovers whispering prayers to each other, falling asleep in each other’s arms.
Elenchus. This writing represents an ideal. As the author says, it’s not where we start. In a sense, there are things about this early version of “Perfect Mate” that could mislead us.
K. I see some things, too, but you go first.
E. Elizabeth Barrett, early on, set Robert straight as she insisted that he love her "not for a reason." Elizabeth was one of the keenest minds of history, and maybe the best articulated, but, on the level of outward form, she was not a Miss America. She was sickly and not so energetic. And she immediately realized what most “Marys” cannot admit, that, if Robert chose her for some fleeting allurement of externality, their love could not long endure when, soon, even a small bit of present physical attraction would go away.
K. “Not for a reason” means you have to love me not because I won the perfect-resume contest; not because I scored 100% on your little e-harmony match-up questionnaire. If you think you love me, then it needs to be for something undefined. You need to love me for the fullness of all that I am to you, the cosmic mystery of all delights that I shall bring to you for all eternity. You have to love me - only me, and no one else - for the uncharted riddle of life and for the plenitude of love that you see in my eyes.
E. And this is where the early “Perfect Mate” writing begins to give us the wrong impression. We all want all those ideal attributes in a mate. We want to fall asleep in a lover’s arms, softly whispering those prayers; we want the ideal mate to be intelligent, gracious, industrious, service-minded, artistic, on and on. And so the temptation becomes, “Well, then I need to go on a hunting expedition for that ideal mate. I need to go ‘resume-shopping’ to find that super-person who has so much to offer.” But it doesn’t work that way.
K. We must also make clear that no "hunting expedition" is required. When two are spiritually ready, the Guides arrange for a meeting.
E. And so the real question becomes, how to be ready?
K. It’s been said that any project truly worth pursuing, very likely, cannot be completed in this lifetime. I say this because, again, finding that super-person with all those stellar attributes is not the problem. In due time, in Summerland, we’ll all have stellar attributes. It’s part of our human potential. One's future mate, as time goes on, will possess these fine traits. Our task is to prepare ourselves spiritually, by reducing the ego's influence, and then everything else will come to us naturally, at the right time.
E. mmm... Are you my “perfect mate”?
K. That’s for you to decide; actually, it’s not a decision – and that’s another reason why people go wrong with their “hunting expedition.” Finding that right one just for you is not a “choice,” as such. It’s a realization, a coming to awareness, of who that person is.
E. The author impolitely said it might happen like the guy in The Piña Colada Song who said to his girl, “Ohhh, it’s you!”
K. That’s sort of funny; but, actually, this might happen more often than we know. Two grow up together, or have been acquainted for some time, and so they think they know everything about each other, and don’t even like each other - so they say...
E. Yes, so they say.
K. But then, in a hot nano-second, in a blazing and shattering awareness and recognition, they "meet each other for the first time" and perceive that they’d been strangers to the real person in the other.
you don't know anything about me...
Jamie Sullivan and Landon Carter
"Please don't pretend that you know me."
"I know everything about you. I've been in school with you since first grade - (in condescending, impatient tone) you're Jamie Sullivan, you wear the same green sweater, you always sit in the front row, you're at the same lunch table, and when you walk you look at your feet."
"You don't know anything about me."
K. (softly laughing) I have to admit, I want to break out laughing everytime I think of Landon, so smug and sure, droning on with, "I know everything about you."
E. (small smile) And why do you look at me when you say that?
E. You know, it's like the classic little book, Acres Of Diamonds - this guy goes searching the world over for success but then finds it in his back yard: “Ohhh, it’s you!”
K. After being so sure of themselves - dead-sure of nothing else in life except that "it's definitely not you" - after all that, two suddenly open their eyes to see, “Ohhh, it’s you! - and now I can't live without you!"
E. I think this is what the Guides are talking about with the "laws of repulsion" and "attraction." It's a way of preparing a proto-couple to wake up to each other.
K. So, Elenchus, how do we summarize this? If the "perfect mate" is not a collection of super-attributes per se, what is she?
E. Strictly speaking, I think, there is no precise definition. A Twin couple's sense of similarity and affinity does not take place on the level of the tangible but on a deeper basis of essential, undefined consciousness.
K. We are speaking of Twin Souls -- and the soul is the center of consciousness.
E. And we know that consciousness is not an element of the 3-D universe.
K. And so it can't "pinned and labeled."
E. And yet, acknowledging all this amorphousness, when that one particular person crosses your radar screen, that destined one just for you...
twin souls, a complementarity of consciousness
K. ... that sweet "complementarity of consciousness" - commonly known as your Twin Soul.
E. Yes... the perfect mate as "complementarity of consciousness"... when your internal guidance system wildly flashes red-alert -- "this is not a drill, this is the one you've been waiting for all your life" -- then... you may forget your name, you may be confused as to where you live... but one thing will be very clear... and you will no longer be questioning the meaning of the "perfect mate."
K. (small smile) Elenchus, it's like when I asked you, "Do you remember the time...?" and your internal response was, "Yes, beloved, I remember... I remember little else."
E. That's right.
not for a reason
reprinted from the page devoted to the sonnets of Elizabeth Browning
Editor’s note: In the Brownings' love letters (as opposed to her sonnets), as featured several times on the WG site, Elizabeth sees and discerns one of the very most important precepts of true love; that, it must be built on a foundation of “not for a reason.” And now, here too, in sonnet 14, she returns to this vital understanding: “If thou must love me, let it be for nought.” We stand amazed, for many reasons, concerning Elizabeth’s perspicacious wisdom. In the first thirteen sonnets, she presents herself as emotionally erratic, alternating, sometimes quickly, between sublime ecstasy and depths of despair. And yet, despite this nightmare world of malaise, or maybe because of it, Elizabeth, as very few others, clearly perceives one of the unshakeable pillars of eternal romantic love: love, not for a reason, love for nought.
If thou must love me, let it be for nought
Except for love's sake only. Do not say,
"I love her for her smile—her look—her way
Of speaking gently,—for a trick of thought
That falls in well with mine, and certes brought
A sense of pleasant ease on such a day"—
For these things in themselves, Belovèd, may
Be changed, or change for thee—and love, so wrought,
May be unwrought so. Neither love me for
Thine own dear pity's wiping my cheeks dry:
A creature might forget to weep, who bore
Thy comfort long, and lose thy love thereby!
But love me for love's sake, that evermore
Thou mayst love on, through love's eternity.
Editor’s expanded paraphrase:
Robert, many times now you have said that you love me. And nearly as often, attempting to protect you, I have tried to dissuade you. However, if you insist that you are to love me, I must also insist on something: you must love me for nought, you must love me without a reason. Is this foolish talk? I think not. If you must love me, then let it be for love's sake only. Allow me to explain. Do not say, “oh, I love your smile so much” or “it’s that fine-featured beauty of your face” or “I’m just so taken by your soft melodious voice.” No, Dearest, this will never do. Now, maybe you do like my smile, my face, my voice, and that’s well and good, but none of this can serve as bedrock foundation for our love. These gossamer butterflies of surface attraction are here today, gone tomorrow, are just a pleasant trick of Nature to seduce the unwary for purposes of propagating the species. The world is filled with millions and millions of couples thus insubstantially conjoined, and look at their misery soon stalking their homes! Oh, no, Beloved, if you insist on loving me, then let it be for nought, let it be not for a reason – let it be for love’s sake alone. Here’s the real problem with the smile, the face, the voice – what happens when we grow older and these change, when a small measure of beauty flees from us? We know the answer too well. If the reasons for love change, then this kind of love will also change. That wild butterfly zooms out the window as if it never existed. And even if the beauty of the body could somehow remain unchanged, the desires of people can and do change. The husband meets some new dream and now what he thought to be the ultimate smile, face, voice of his wife no longer enchants him. This is the story of the hapless couples of the world. If love is built or created on this basis, then it can also be unbuilt and uncreated – and it’s just a matter of time before two experience this perdition of the heart. Now, some men of better character, more stalwart, might say, “I am kindly affectioned toward this woman, we are friends, I pity her in her grieving aloneness, and I will strive to help and be a good companion for her.” This is noble, but marriage, in its truest form, is more than friendship and more than agape charity to a fellow human being. This is not true marital love, but, well intentioned as it might be, it is the love we are to show to all human beings - but we are not to marry all human beings due to a desire for friendship or service. A marriage built upon feelings of pity will yet devolve to a consuming misery of feeling burned out, of hopeless despair of never finding happiness for oneself. No, Beloved, the true marriage is much more than this. It is the invisible union of spirits, and this oneness cannot be created by choice or will-power, nor, if it does exist, can it be diminished. If you must love me, then let it be for nought, not for a reason. This means that you will love me for some undefined reason of “just because”, a mysterious reason rising from the depths of our souls. Let it be for love’s sake alone, let it be simply because I am who I am, let it be for your soul falling in love with me, not any surface attraction. And if a couple is thus bound, well then, there they stand, unmovable, unshakable, stationary suns, two spiritually harmonized souls ever unsundered, permanent as God’s spirit, for all eternity, together, in sweetest mutual delight.