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Word Gems 

exploring self-realization, sacred personhood, and full humanity


Editor's Essay

The Holodeck Worlds
How We'll Find Wholeness in Summerland from
the Traumatic Sufferings of Planet Earth

 the Kama Sutra

'Do That To Me One More Time' 



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If men and women act according to each other's liking, their love for each other will not be lessened, even in one hundred years. Kama Sutra


The Kama Sutra is an ancient Hindu text. It’s grown in popularity in the West, primarily for its advice concerning physical love.

While focusing on sexual fulfillment, according to Wikipedia, the Kama Sutra offers instruction on how to incorporate erotic love within what it considers a well-lived life.

Should we study the Kama Sutra as a wisdom source? From what I’ve seen in its reviews and synopses, I can’t recommend it. Much of its so-called “wisdom” falls into a category of what “The Wedding Song” labels “buying and selling,” a one-sided negotiation to “make me happy”; further, some of the Kama Sutra text is patently dishonorable with teaching on how to commit adultery.

All this acknowledged, some, maybe precious little, of the Kama Sutra does seem to reflect high-grade understanding concerning the arts of love. Some decades ago, when I began to collect quotations for what would become “Word Gems,” I came across a wisdom-saying of the Kama Sutra. It struck me as incredibly insightful:

If men and women act according to each other's liking, their love for each other will not be lessened, even in one hundred years.

Consider the typical John-and-Mary view toward love-making. As we discussed in “The Wedding Song,” for Mary, so often, she just wants to get it over with. For John’s part, the sex act fills an animal hunger, not unlike enjoying a meal. There is a repugnant saying encapsulating this mechanical, souless love: “slam, bam, thank you, m’am.”

Strangely, though, eventually even John tires of the formulaic routine, and then they find reason not to touch each other anymore.

But the Kama Sutra suggests that it doesn’t need to be that way.  Look at that proverb again:

If men and women act according to each other's liking, their love for each other will not be lessened, even in one hundred years.

It’s telling us that, among enlightened couples, it doesn’t have to be one-sided, with the pleasures, meager as they might be, drifting to the male’s side of the equation. Remember in “True Lies,” Tom Arnold’s little joke about having kids? – “hey man, 5 seconds of pleasure, 20 years of misery.”

That aside, what if each partner got exactly what she or he wanted during love-making? But wait. This would not be what “Mary wants” as defined by an imperious John. Instead, under this plan, Mary would tell John exactly what she wants. She tells him how to touch, about the whispering of certain words, duration of time, firmness or softness, whether she'll take the passive or active role, etc., etc. It’s whatever Mary wants, and she alone will decide. And John, in his own turn, gets to do the same.

Each partner offers a form of sexuality precisely “according to [the] other’s liking.” It’s a custom-crafted other-centered sexual love.


once again, one more time, just like that, again 

Do That To Me One More Time

oh, kiss me like you just did, do that to me once again, oh, tell it to me one more time, say those words again like you just did, tell it to me once again


Wikipedia: "Do That to Me One More Time" is a song performed by the American pop duo Captain & Tennille. It was their 13th charting hit in the United States, and their second number-one hit on the Billboard Hot 100 chart. The song was included on the duo's 1979 studio album, Make Your Move, and was written by Toni Tennille. It features a Lyricon solo by saxophonist Tom Scott.  

Elenchus. I really like the guitar prelude to “One More Time.” I think it’s the best music of the whole song.

Kairissi. It’s wonderful and very romantic. But what’s really great about “One More Time” is its featuring of the Kama Sutra principle of each lover getting exactly what she or he wants from sexual encounter.

E. You have the microphone, Kriss.

K. Notice how she says, “kiss me just like that again” or “say those words again, one more time.” This is love-making, the 2.0 upgraded software version. Each lover tells the other, “I want it just like that, do it that way, again.”

E. (smiling) It’s like the joy of a small child going down a slide on the playground and then saying, “again” and then “again.”

K. (smiling) We never outgrow the bliss of playgrounds and thrilling rides, but we want it our way.




The Kama Sutra also offers the proposition that, despite certain street-smart claims to the contrary, women enjoy, and would seek for, love-making more than men. John, of course, is popularly believed to be the front-runner in this process. But is this correct?

We'll have to ask Mary, but Woman is the more sensitive, more in touch with her inner energies, and it is she whom the Guides refer to as Love, virtually, as a personification.

I think the notion that Mary does not like sex has gained currency because, for her, it’s an ad hoc attestation; a form of self-protection - because, so often, she's exploited as impersonal chattel, taken advantage of, and, worse, with the wrong man.

Why would she like it then? Are we having fun yet?


K. As a sad footnote to the above, despite the message of their hit "Love Will Keep Us Together," we learn that the couple eventually divorced:

Wikipedia: The husband-and-wife team were "Captain" Daryl Dragon (1942–2019) and Toni Tennille (born 1940). They have five albums certified gold or platinum and scored numerous hits on the US singles charts, the most enduring of which included "Love Will Keep Us Together", "Do That to Me One More Time", and "Muskrat Love." They hosted their own television variety series on ABC in 1976–77…

Tennille filed for divorce from Dragon in the State of Arizona on January 16, 2014, after 39 years of marriage. Dragon was unaware of the termination of his marriage until he was served with the divorce papers...

In 2016, Toni Tennille, Tennille's memoir (co-written with niece Caroline Tennille St. Clair), was published. In it, Tennille painted an unflattering picture of Dragon and their years together, writing that he was controlling and emotionally distant. "I can say without exaggeration that he showed no physical affection for me during our very long marriage," she wrote, claiming that the couple always slept in separate bedrooms.

E. In a thousand pages of discussion, we have asserted that great sex, if that's all you have, is not enough to keep a marriage intact.

K. There’s something even more potent.

E. I recently came into better clarity of this missing element, the even more sought-for delight, exemplified in what we call “touching foreheads.” See this new offering as an inset box on the “Dazzling Darkness” page.