home | what's new | other sites | contact | about

Word Gems 

exploring self-realization, sacred personhood, and full humanity

further notes on
the inner resonance:

'seeing in the dark'

return to "Prayer 1-minute" page

Elenchus. I feel very dismayed with myself on this topic of the inner resonance.

Kairissi. What is troubling you?

E. I seem to have to learn the same lesson, over and over. It’s like I have amnesia. I’m thinking of the “late-night hard-bargaining". After struggling with this, I finally come to a good frame of mind, and when I do, I feel “now I understand, I won’t have to learn this lesson again.” But then, maybe some weeks later, I’m tempted with anger all over again. What is wrong with me?

K. Elenchus, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you. What you’re saying is just evidence that it’s really hard not to be “taken over” by the ego, to fall into a kind of insanity. And then you have to fight your way back to the light again.

E. What you’re saying really does ring true to me. But I wish I could lock onto the better mindset and just stay there.

K. In the future, probably in the next world, when we’re more mature, we will be able to enter a steady-state phase for our minds where we won’t temporarily lose ground again. But we’re still children to the process, so let’s not expect too much of ourselves too soon.

E. (sighing) I know what you’re saying is correct.

K. But tell me more of your back-and-forth ordeal. What lessons are you learning?

bringing the worst out in me

E. Well… it has to do with you and me… but, I have to say, no one can get my goat the way you do.

K. I suppose what this means is, no one can so readily cause you to stumble, send you to insanity, as the one you love.

E. It’s shocking to me, actually. I have this image of myself as being fairly strong, fairly well put together in my head… but you take me to the limit, and over the line.

K. Darling Dear, you’re not the first one in history to be beaten up by intense feelings for a certain someone.

E. (deeply sighing)

K. Tell me about your lesson that won’t stay learned.

E. It’s about the inner resonance. I’m lying in bed late at night. And you know how we’re more susceptible to attacks by the ego then. And I’m thinking of you. My preference is to think of the many good things, our good life to come, when we can be married and finally enjoy each other all the time, as we’ve wanted to do since we were children.

K. (silence)

confirmation hearings

E. And so I’m thinking of you in these positive terms, but then, out of left field, an image from the past comes sailing in. I think of those times when you were unkind, or worse; and now my stride is broken, and after a few minutes of this pummeling, I’m going down for the count. And now the real darkness comes calling, and I’m finding myself asking questions I don’t like to ask: “What if you’re really not my true mate? I mean, how could you be my one-and-only when you treated me like that?”

K. I’m a handcuffed prisoner dragged before an unforgiving tribunal.

kangaroo court

E. And now I’m thinking of several “perfect girls” from the past who thought they wanted me, and I thought I wanted them, and now the interrogation becomes: “How do I know that one of these is not my true mate? None of them would have treated me as shabbily as you did. Why do I have to put up with you?” This line of questioning goes on for some time, and it’s not long before I start raging and lashing out: “Why can’t I be with one of those ‘perfect girls’, and why can’t I just wash my hands of you and never see you again?”

K. (softly) And what happens then?

E. Well, the really stupid part here is that I’ve starred in this movie over and over and over again.

K. Is it Groundhog Day for you?

E. I’m really chagrinned that I can’t seem to get this right.

K. How do you get out of this “Chinese Nine” puzzle?

E. So, I’m in a lather about this. And sometimes my feeling of “never seeing you again” might last a few days.

K. You’re really fed-up with me.

E. Don’t ask for any favors right then. But here’s what happens next. I start to fall into a despair and depression.

K. You should be happy, though. You’ve made the big break from the vicious girl. You’re free now to pursue one of those perfect girls.

E. But my “flag on the marble arch” soon proves not to be a “victory march.” My spirit is confronted with the disconcerting reality that I can’t live without you.

K. How do you come to this realization?

E. The truth is, it comes to me. It won't allow me to release you to the winds. The “inner resonance” vetoes any such quitclaim.

K. Tell me more of this inner resonance.

like a heat signature

E. I’ve been given a new metaphor. It’s like a “heat signature.”

E. The military has thermographic sensing devices allowing soldiers to “see in the dark.”

K. And were you able to “see me in the dark”? – the enshrouding darkness of the ego.

E. When the ego sends me offline, I can no longer “see the heat signature” of your spirit, identifying you as my Twin Soul.

K. In that blackout, all perfect girls you’ve known seem to be equal.

heat signature vs black-body radiation

E. They appear equal when I’m judging solely on surface factors. On the surface, they're counted to be loving and cordial; and on the surface, you appear as one to have been unkind.

K. On that basis, there’s no reason to choose me.

E. However, to borrow another term from physics (but taken out of context), all others register as "black-body radiation" as opposed to that certain someone who presents as "heat signature."

K. The black-body radiation girls can be very convincing. They can seem very real, very inviting, very erotic.

E. Only at the surface of reality, and only for a time.

seeing in the dark

E. But when I put on my “night vision” goggles, you’re the only one coming up on the “heat signature” grid.

K. I know this has been disconcerting for you -- the unkind girl, the one who made you so angry, the one you wanted to reject and leave far behind, ends up being the one who "pulls the sword out of the stone."

E. (silence)

K. However, Elenchus, I must say, this is a powerful way of explaining “why one and not another.” Only one has the heat signature, the inner life of the soul, for you.

coming in hot

E. And to each other, actually. The inner resonance, despite what may have been termporary immaturities, reveals the identity of that one special person with whom one shares an eternal bond.

K. Fervently, warmly, yours... however, you must forgive me... I have not yet been able to express all that lies hidden in my heart for you... it is there, rest asssured, though, often I haved professed otherwise... but my day of full disclosure is coming... and I will yet be a good investment for your patience.

E. As memo to us, this is being written after the “final” essay and all ancillary items. I feel different after our talk. I’d like to think that I’ve gone deeper this time, meaning I won’t be ambushed by the ego about us in that old way anymore. I feel good now, and I think I’ll stay that way.

K. We’ve had a rocky road, Elenchus. We note that even accomplished psychics have said our ordeal has been particularly noteworthy.

E. One said it was different, among thousands she’s encountered.

K. It feels like it, as well. We have something real, even though ours is the PhD-level gauntlet, but it’s coming to an end soon, and we’re going to be ok.