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Word Gems
exploring self-realization, sacred personhood, and full humanity
Soulmate, Myself:
Prometheus Denied
3: Panic In Paradise
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K. (sighing) Oh, Ellus, I’m not feeling so well.
E. I feel a little disoriented myself.
K. This is not an easy game to play. I thought I could waltz in there, be
cool, be aloof, get their info, take it or leave it, and life would be good.
But this is different.
E. (silence)
K. And you know what really razzes me? That “fear of death” stuff. I’m
so bothered because I feel what they say is true. I wasn’t even aware
that I had this fear! I mean, who thinks of death in Summerland? And
yet, look at me! I’m starting to be an emotional wreck! It’s like I’m going
to die! – not my body, anyway. It’s a sense of death deeper than that.
E. Death is a new thought for us.
K. It’s just as they said – on a certain level, I guess I do feel separate and
isolated in the universe. I hadn’t really been aware of this before. But I’m
starting to vaguely feel threatened with the loss of my life! How strange
to awaken to this feeling! And what is the main portion of that life? That
would be you. This is the death I fear most. (very softly weeping)
E. Kriss…
K. I know you’ll assure me of our eternal bond and eventual
reunion. And I love you for that. But even that doesn’t stop the terror
racing through my heart right now. I hate to admit it. I don’t want to
admit it, but… they’re right! I’m just an immature soul, one of God’s
“baby sparks.”
E. We’re both young, it’s true. Don’t be too hard on yourself.
K. We are young, but, I think I’m starting to see that there’s a time
to grow up. And, yes, we are Twins, and I know our love is true. That
much is real. But now I’m beginning to see that I’ve been using you as
an emotional crutch in my life. My immature ego feels that it is “not
enough” without you. I’m probably relying on you in ways that are not
healthy. And I suddenly perceive that I will never grow up, never be what
I was meant to be, unless I become autonomous, a real mature self, living
life from my own center.
E. How strange, My Love! In a way, we’ve switched roles – you, now the
vocal proponent of the highest and best! Maybe you’ve passed me in
this, you are so deeply moved.
K. Maybe it’s because I had more to learn. I haven’t passed you, I think I’m just making my way back to zero.
E. Tell me what you want to do.
K. I’m still not ready to agree to an Earth-mission – we need more
information. I want to know about the pros-and-cons of other options.
But, I can tell you this: Remember how I said, “Why can’t we
just plant our flag and be happy here?” I’m getting the feeling there’s
something wrong with that. As a daughter of Mother-Father God, I don’t
think I was made to plant any flags, to protect the status quo. I am to
grow, to develop, to become more and more – to what end, specifically,
I cannot say, I just know that my life was designed to ever move forward.
E. (small smile) I don’t mean to interrupt your fine speech, but, I hope
I’m one of the considerations in your plans for expansion.
K. (smiling) (sighing) Yes, Darling Companion, you are one of the
considerations – and ever the main part (again, very softly crying). How
strange, because, while I feel the need to develop myself, at the same
time, if you were not here to journey with me, there would be no joy, no
breath, no heart in me to continue.
E. (smiling) You are the most beautiful one-gallon bucket I’ve ever seen.
K. (very softly laughing through tears) I need to keep a gallon of water
nearby to cool you off.
E. (softly laughing) But, one gallon won’t be nearly enough for a
4-alarm blaze.
K. (smiling, speaking softly) Then, Heart-Of-My-Heart… together we shall
be consumed in the flames… in the eternal fire and conflagration… of
extreme delight.
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